Idiots should pay more taxes

Madame Weebles —  April 5, 2012 — 36 Comments

I’m taking a break from the history stuff today so that I can address a serious problem that still plagues us in these modern times: idiots.

We’ve all met them. Perhaps an idiot shoved you or cut you off this morning. Maybe you have an idiot co-worker who said something stupid today. It’s even possible that you’ll encounter an idiot tonight on your way home from work.

There are too many of them, they’re teeth-grindingly annoying, and they walk too slowly. At best, they’re like pesky gnats buzzing in your ear. At worst, they’re a pox on society.

You see, sometimes idiots are more than just a public nuisance—they’re a drain on our resources. You know the idiots I’m talking about. The nitwits who decide to go hiking in the mountains when there’s a blizzard alert. The mindless dolts who go for a boat ride or a swim when the surf is up and dark rain clouds loom menacingly on the horizon. The pea-brained yahoos who stand up when their roller coaster car gets to the top of the hill. I could go on, but I think you get the picture. An idiot does something stupid, and then someone else—local Search & Rescue, the Coast Guard, paramedics, lifeguards, whoever—cleans up the mess, sometimes at their risk of their own lives. And how about the leeches who file frivolous lawsuits? The courts have to go through the motions no matter how insane the cases are.

So what say we jack up the taxes of these idiots for egregious use of public services?

Then there are the idiots who cause delays and other inconveniences. Remember that dingbat who got on the bus the other day without having his fare ready and it took him forever to get his act together? How about the ditz in front of you at the ATM who took ages to complete a simple transaction and then used the area around the ATM as her personal counter space so she could organize her purse? Each situation in itself isn’t a big deal, but add them all up and they become a colossal time drain.

And this, dear readers, is why I think idiots should pay more taxes than the rest of us. Or they should at least be fined heavily for each offense. You want to do something foolhardy? Fine, as long as you pay for the privilege. You want to suck up everyone else’s time? No problem, just cough up the extra money so the rest of us don’t have to.

By the way, I’m aware that there are many inherent flaws in my plan. But in theory, the idea pleases me very much.

(I told you I was a cranky old broad.)

36 responses to Idiots should pay more taxes

  1. 

    I would vote for you in a second, even if you weren’t my woman. Please run for president on this platform. I bet even the idiots would vote for you because they’re too stupid to know how stupid they are. They’ll think you are talking about somebody else.

  2. 

    Well shucks, honey. And you make a good point about idiots not knowing they’re idiots. Mr. Weebles for Vice President!

  3. 

    Haha! I love this idea! I think we should devise a mandatory idiot test. (You could take it when you get your driver’s license — maybe before you get your driver’s license? ) If you fall below a certain score, say, average, then you would be required to wear a neon colored vest. This way, all the idiots could be easily identified before they do something stupid. — Brilliant!

    • 

      YES!!!! I love this. Because right now they lurk among us, masquerading as non-idiots. But if they had to wear the neon vests, we’d be able to smoke them out of hiding. This is a brilliant, brilliant idea.

  4. 

    Oregon floats around this idea every winter when some dumbass idiots get stuck on Mt. Hood during a blizzard. Does it ever happen, no b/c Oregon is an idiot state. Sorry Oregon but it’s true.

    • 

      I think all 50 states have massive idiot tendencies, if it’s any consolation. Some more than others, but no state is immune. But dumbasses who go hiking on Mt. Hood during a blizzard deserve to be left to face their own well-deserved doom. OR, after they’re rescued they should be publicly mocked and shunned.

  5. 

    Madame Weebles for President!

  6. 

    I love this post! It is a brilliant idea in theory that in fact could never happen. [insert long sigh here.] When you consider the plethora of quality of life snafus out there prompted by idiots big and small, if this fantasy tax existed on a global scale the world’s economic problems would be solved in a nanosecond.

  7. 

    Can we add to that list people who accidentally press seven of the ten floors on the elevator in the morning and try to explain it with a “I’m no good without coffee in the morning”?

    Cheers!

    • 

      I loathe people who dismiss their mental deficiencies by blaming a lack of caffeine, or sleep, or whatever. I’m not buying it, and they shouldn’t be trying to sell it.

  8. 

    Rats, I knew I was going to miss one. How about people who slow down to join a 70mph line of traffic on the freeway.

    If we can’t fine them, can I just put bulls bars on my car and ram them?

    Cheers (again)

  9. 

    Why WP won’t let me triple like this post?

    There should be an option for posts that are off-the-chart awesome. Seriously!

  10. 

    Yes, yes, and YES!! Love the title and love all the examples…lol. But even still, the worst offerenders are the ones that allow for all this to happen. The ones that say, “we are a civil modern society, we need to protect these people from themselves”…lol. Let me know if you ever decide to run for office…lol

  11. 

    Hey, I’m one of those idiots and I know it. Sort of like Aron Ralston (127 Hours) or Christopher McCandless (Into the Wild). But I fully understand what you are saying. I try to make it so my stupid actions will not affect others. I guess if I go and get killed it would make a few people sad, (no matter how I go that will happen though) and if I disappear some people might try to look for me, but I would probably turn up randomly before they figured out where to search.

    If there was a waiver to not have anyone waste time and resources looking for me if I don’t come back I would sign it. When you become president would you pass that for me?

  12. 

    Consider it done! But see, you’re NOT an idiot because you’re aware of your actions. Idiots, on the other hand, they don’t get it. That’s why they’re idiots. Well, that’s *one* reason they’re idiots, anyway.

  13. 

    The only problem with a tax for idiots is how to you teach the idiots in government (any government) to collect it? But a good idea. *grins* (I’m using asterisk just in case you think that emoticons are idiotic. Of course, you might consider asterisks idiotic, but before you think that, just consider the asterisks’ feelings.)

    Oh heck, I’m taking a chance… ;)

    • 

      Welcome, Val! And apologies for my tardy reply to your comment. You raise a good point about the idiots in government not being competent enough to collect these taxes. That’s a big snag. I’ll look into it. ;)

  14. 

    I like cranky old broads and this post…but that’s just me.

  15. 

    Madame Weebles

    I can do a whole blog (or 39) along these lines from the Idiot, Adrenalin Junkie, Slippery Sanity, Half Reasonable, Armed and Dangerous, Bastardly and Amused positions, but only from your launch pad.

    RidicuRyder

Trackbacks and Pingbacks:

  1. Madame’s Manifesto, Part 1 | Fear No Weebles - April 11, 2012

    [...] Idiots [...]

  2. Bless me, bloggers, for I have sinned . . . | Fear No Weebles - July 13, 2012

    [...] then there’s this post.  As well as this post.  And this one and this one.  Also [...]

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