I am a babbling moron

Madame Weebles —  April 17, 2012 — 56 Comments

At least, when it comes to animals, this is true. Maybe you’re the same way.

You know what I mean. You could be in the middle of an intellectual salon, discussing Sartre’s philosophy or sharing your views on string theory. It doesn’t matter. The minute your dog or cat walks in the room, your IQ drops about 80 points.

I think this graphic illustrates this phenomenon most clearly:

I have 3 cats (the Weeblettes). All I have to do is look at them and I can feel my neurons fusing together into a lump of putty. “Who’s a good kitty?? You are! Yes you are! Oh yes you are. Goochy goochy goochy goo!”

And that’s if I’m still somewhat articulate. Otherwise it might go something like this:

“Goooskywooskyskwitchyskwitchywoooshawoooshagoochygooocheeeeeeeee!”

Fortunately, the Weeblettes are pretty tolerant of my yatterings and don’t seem to mind. And Mr. Weebles has had plenty of time to become familiar with my work. But our Kitty Emeritus, who is no longer in corporeal form, used to look at me like I was truly the dumbest sentient on earth.

I’m not sure there’s anything I can do about this. It just happens. I can be having a normal conversation and then maybe one of the Weeblettes will show up, or maybe I’ll see someone walking a dog, or I’ll stumble across a photo of a bunny or otters holding hands or baby hippos or dolphins or whatever. Doesn’t matter. I can guarantee that my brain will go into a death spiral.

I’m glad I’m not alone—judging from the zillions of visitors to sites like Cute Overload and I Can Has Cheezburger, anyway. Can you imagine what would happen if a bunch of us got together and went to a petting zoo or something? There would be so much incomprehensible gibberish we’d sound like escapees from a mental institution.

56 responses to I am a babbling moron

  1. 

    Yup…thats me. “Gingy Pooh, mommy loves you!” She gets birthday and Christmas presents too.

  2. 

    Reblogged this on Fear No Weebles and commented:

    It’s sad that I’m resorting to reblogs so early in the game. But I happen to like this post so what the heck.

  3. 

    You’re my kind of gal! I always have trouble telling my pet sitter (and I rarely get one) how to communicate with the cat. Not only do I have to find someone who is reliable but someone who can mimic the exact decibels and tone of my non-sensical utterings. Of course this person must keep a straight face and not make me feel foolish. It’s a tall order.

  4. 

    AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

    I’ve been known for dropping a sentence right in the middle and running towards a kitteh or doggie. Can’t help it.

  5. 

    Yes, I too am a babbling moron when it comes to the howler… or just about any other dog, cat or furry creature…I just cannot help myself.

  6. 

    Sometimes there’s just too much cute that your head explodes and you can’t form words.

  7. 

    I go mental when I see a dog. Not yapping pain-in-the-a** dogs, but give me one that makes me mushy inside and I am a happy girl.

  8. 

    Reblogged this on All That JazzCat! and commented:
    Let me paraphrase Bill Cosby:
    Human are amusing. Not very bright, but quite amusing!

  9. 

    Cats. Yuk. Cat owners – yuckier. In 1954 Vance Packard wrote the Hidden Persuaders which relates the psychological research of consumers by product producers that goes into marketing products. Do you watch cat food commercials? Well then the purchasers of these products must be blooming morons if the marketing stereotype so appeals to that population.

  10. 

    Perhaps I am too harsh, It’s OK if the creature is a yellow lab retriever.

  11. 

    A couple of years ago, I went to the Taos (New Mexico) Writer’s Conference. One of the most useful pieces of advice I got about writing (and it was a great conference, mind you) was that if you didn’t know what to do at a certain point in the plot for your story was…introduce a dog or cat. They provide unconditional love, they’re really cute (usually), they distract everyone and they don’t live as long as we do so, in a story if you want to add some angst…I’m just sayin. And in real life, I LOVE my Tonkinese cats.

    • 

      That’s really interesting–I’m not a fiction writer but I can absolutely see how adding a dog or cat would be really useful to help a story out. And Tonkinese cats are gorgeous.

  12. 

    Oh yeah, one more thing. Last Christmas, I was standing in the cat toy aisle beside a cute guy. As we silently perused the selection of toys, he turns to me and says: “Do you think they know it’s Christmas?” When I got home and recounted the story to Peter, his response was: “Good pick-up line!”

  13. 

    You’re not alone at all. I can suffer the stupids in a nanosecond when I’m in the company of a charming furry friend or acquaintance. I love animals, too.

  14. 

    Oh well, I was thinking you was saying the kitty wasn’t intelligent. Bummer…. I was gonna use that as ammunition.

    • 

      I’m sorry, Rumpy—I can see how you might have gotten that impression at first. By the way, you’re a very beautiful dog. Ohhhh, who’s a beautiful puppy?? You are!! Oh yes you are!

  15. 

    This is so great and so true. I have two babies (my dogs), Baxter and Sophie and I too begin blabbering away to them and I sing opera to them (seriously, I try and they really seem to like it). This is so great. I have several names for each of them as well. Love, love loved this, MW.

  16. 

    I sing songs to my girls about how pretty they are (they’re freakin’ supermodels). I used to sing songs to my dearly departed boys. It’s sad either way, since I can’t sing to save my life. Mostly, I just let myself be human furniture. They like that.

    And thanks. Now I have a great way to describe the pictures and urns on the living room shelf. They’re the kitty emeriti.

    • 

      I bet they are supermodels–they probably work it and strut their stuff, don’t they. Mr. Weebles and I are human furniture too–it’s not always comfortable, but it’s just the way it is.

      I like kitty emeritus/emeriti because it acknowledges that they’re still around, they’re just retired in a way.

  17. 

    Your illustration is genius!

  18. 

    That drawing is great! Haha that’s exactly what I do, but I don’t touch the kitty unless someone assures me it won’t claw my face off. Kitties! Cute and sharp.

  19. 

    I had to read this again – still damned funny, my cats are already convinced of their elevated status :)

  20. 

    Lol, I love platypuses and have posted a whole page of photos of baby platypi just to get the squealiness out of my system :) I just go there to squeak sometimes!!

  21. 

    Lol, It’s good being so forgetful isn’t it! Means we get to enjoy things all over again :)

  22. 

    I’m a dog person myself. Why? I adore my dog and he adores me. Case closed!! Cats are so independent, an admirable trait, but I’ll take unconditional love any time.

    Apparently the same “chemicals”, “enzymes” ???, not sure what, are released in both the dog and ourselves when we stroke them, as are released when a mother breast feeds her baby. Hence the feel good factor. Am sure it’s the same with cats. Nature’s great isn’t it?

    Corinne

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