Recently Mr. Weebles and I were watching some TV show where they were talking about Bootsy Collins, who had once been James Brown’s bass player. Mr. Weebles said, “Could there be anyone on earth funkier than James Brown’s bass player?” And I said, “No, I don’t think that’s possible.”
I mean, being a bass player automatically confers a certain amount of funkyness upon a person. But James Brown’s bass player? That’s crazy funky. And Collins was later in Parliament-Funkadelic, which had “funk” right there in the name, for crying out loud. How much more funky could someone be? To paraphrase Nigel Tufnel, the answer is none. None more funky.
That’s what gave me the idea for the Scale of Funky. If Bootsy Collins is at the top of the funky scale, then Justin Bieber is at the bottom—the opposite of funky. And every person and thing can be graded according to this scale.
I’ve created a rudimentary scale for now. It’s subjective, but only to a certain degree; there can be no debate over the non-funkyness of Bieber, Ryan Seacrest, Clay Aiken, or the minivan. Everything else is open for discussion.
Tee hee! As I was scanning down the line I thought now where’s Wayne Brady — hahahaha — and there he is!
Ha! Yes, he needed to be on the list, bless his non-funky heart.
The Embarrassing Stains were pretty funky, but unless you were drunk in a pub in Alvescot sometime in the late seventies you will have missed their epicness.
Bootsy Collins would be the funkiest name even if he didn’t play bass for James Brown.
I’m off to rate a few things now.
Cheers!
As you probably surmised, I did miss their epicness. But I will take your word for it. And I agree, Bootsy Collins is a funky name in itself, without any other qualifications.
Madame Weebles,
I need to see Herbie Hancock’s Head Hunters in your scale.
Thank you,
Le Clown
I can’t believe I didn’t think of Herbie Hancock or the Headhunters. They would be very very high on the scale, naturally.
Thank you, as always, Le Clown, for making everything so much better.
And 1970 Stevie Wonder…….
Le Clown
Okay, now you’re just getting greedy.
I think I found someone who can give Bootsy Collins a run for his money.
Okay, for some reason it’s not working. Go to “Sweet Brown interview” on Youtube. You won’t be disappointed.
Actually it worked fine in your link above. And by golly if Sweet Brown isn’t powerful funky. I wonder if she plays an instrument. If so, then she definitely knocks Bootsy from the top listing.
Haha! Even with Bronchitis she’s mighty funky. Glad we’re in agreement.
Lana and Wayne need to be ranked lower.
Other than that, an excellent list, and I’m glad you didn;t include odors,because that’s a whole different scale of funky!
You’re right, I gave them both too much credit, didn’t I.
The odor type of funky scale would be pretty disgusting. Not to mention the fact that to do that sort of scale properly, you really need some sort of scratch & sniff monitor. So that won’t be happening.
Scary how dead on you were. Lol
We obviously share the same sense of funky!
Yep, as we hang out in Funky Town…
Word UP.
Don Cornelis? Now THAT’S some ultra funky. Ditto on Prince.
.
Right? I probably should have put Prince further up on the scale next to Don Cornelius. Serious ultra funky.
This is perfect in every way and should be published in a world fact book. Love it!
You flatter me. I’m going to put you at the top of the Scale of Funky. Anyone who wishes they could have been one of Tom Jones’s backup singers should be there anyway.
I wish I could have been a fly on the wall when you and Mr. Weebles had this discussion!
Yup, it was funny—discussing the relative funkyness of various people is pretty entertaining!
Where you placed the Obamas was spot-on – and the fact that Mitt Romney is so lacking in any degree of funkyness, he doesn’t even rate below the bottom of the list works for me.
It’s true, Romney and all the other candidates, etc, aren’t even blips on the funky radar. I wish Barack were funkier, but Michelle works it pretty well.
All good Madame! Except that funky moms in minivans make minivans funkier. A funky chick from Queens can rock anything! I think Romney also gives Bieber a run for his money. Love the Weebles!
You get special dispensation for being a funky chick from Queens, for sure. Thus, your minivan also gets special dispensation. But are you sure Romney is even funky enough to be on par with Bieber?
All true but nothing’s sexier than the accordion.
Stop it, you’re making me swoon.
LOOOL
With a name like Bootsy Collins you HAVE to be funky! Curtis Mayfield would definitely be up there in the funk meter. No denying Superfly!
You’re so right. He goes right up there with Bootsy.
Seal has to be at the top (well, his more uptempo numbers anyway) and Bert Weedon at the bottom.
Hi Val! Seal is pretty funky, yes. I’m not so familiar with Bert Weedon, was he really not funky? I know all kinds of guitarists credit him as their inspiration, but of course that doesn’t mean he was a master of funk.
Eek… hmmm.
Bert weedon=unfunky.
That’s Bert Weedon killing a song that should have died anyway!
Hmm. I see what you mean.
This is a fantastic list! As a comic book nerd, I can agree that Captain America is not funky, but neither is Iron Man. I also think Wayne Brady is a little funkier than he’s given credit for.
You don’t think Iron Man is funky? I think he’s pretty funky. Or maybe it’s just Robert Downey Jr. playing him that makes him funky in my view. I never read the actual comics. Superheroes in general aren’t that funky, really. It’s too bad.