Unlike many of you, I am a mere mortal. I have many weaknesses. You know how Superman was powerless against kryptonite? There are many things that are kryptonite to me. Some in a good way, some in a bad way.
For instance, certain accents are kryptonite to me. Yesterday we were treated to The Reclining Gentleman’s English accent. The English accent weakens my knees pretty quickly. But the accent I’m most powerless against is the Irish brogue. I can’t resist it. Can’t. Won’t. It doesn’t even matter if the speaker is male or female. I’d pay good money just to listen to an Irish person read aloud from the dictionary or the phone book.
There are several other things that are guaranteed to evoke a visceral reaction in me, such that I am unable to resist swooning, making an ass of myself, and/or indulging in to an unspeakable degree:
- Cute animals—anyone who doesn’t turn into a mess of goo with cute animals is probably Hitler reincarnated.
- French fries—this should require no further explanation. They’re delicious, greasy, salty proof of God’s existence and benevolence.
- Carvel ice cream—for those of you not fortunate enough to live in an area with purveyors of Carvel, Carvel is like Dairy Queen or Mr. Softee, except much, much, much better. See “proof of God’s existence and benevolence” above.
- This guy—at this point he should need no introduction.
- Flea markets—where you can find all kinds of crap you never knew you absolutely must have.
- Bookstores—at least, until Amazon destroys them all, anyway.
- Las Vegas—over-the-top decadence and debauchery at its best.
Then there’s the bad sort of kryptonite. Things that are so heinous and awful that I can’t stand looking at them, hearing about them, or being in the same room with them:
- Disgusting holes—we’ve discussed these.
- Roaches—Satan’s emissaries on earth.
- Any of those interminable ASPCA and Humane Society commercials—why don’t you just waterboard me, it would be less traumatic.
- Cottage cheese—to some, a healthy snack. To me, a vile poison.
- Honey—to some, a delicious topping for toast and other things. To me, a vile poison.
- Kevin Costner’s voice—want to send me into a homicidal frenzy? Force me to listen to the audio from Dances With Wolves.
- Tom Cruise—my hatred of him is even more intense than my hatred of Alex Trebek.
So how about you? What’s your kryptonite?
Madame Weebles,
My kryptonite is holes, especially clusters of holes.
Le Clown
Copycat.
Madame Weebles,
Aphids. On cheese, with holes.
Le Clown
Pardon me, I’ve got to go throw up now.
Whoever calls my house with an accent so thick I cannot understand them. Don’t call me if I cannot understand you because I am going to tell you I can’t understand you and to have someone call me back who I can understand, or even better don’t call back at all. I don’t even care if they are not a telemarketer don’t call if I can’t understand you. Gets me every time. Grrrrrr!!
I feel bad for people who have really thick accents because it must be frustrating for them, but you’d think they’d realize, after multiple people have stared vacantly at them or said “I don’t understand you” that they need to maybe rectify the problem somehow.
Good kryptonite:
Book stores
Sweet potato fries
A bowl of perfectly ripe berries
Just about any apple-based dessert
Z’s laugh
M’s “pretty please, I love you”
Bad kryptonite:
Canada geese
Heights
Mice
Most creepy crawlies
The smell of most meat
Tom Cruise, Tom Cruise, and Tom Cruise
What say we go visit some bookstores and then stop off for some berries and apple desserts at a place where we can work on our master plan for eliminating Tom Cruise and creepy crawlies from the world, meizac?
You come up with the best ideas, Madame.
And I’m aware that I still owe you a bunch of vegan cookies and a Dr. Seussified bible, by the way.
I’m really, REALLY looking forward to the Seussified bible.
Just for you, I’ll do an upcoming post with some Seussified bible verse. What’s your pleasure, Old Testament or New?
There’s some REALLY good stuff in the OT. Let’s go there. I think you’d have more fun with that one.
Consider it done.
I never thought I’d be this happy about something related to the bible.
Loud talkers, whether on their mobiles or just with companions, can bring me to the brink of violence. Particularly when they share life’s most banal details or TMI . And intrude on what should be a calm, enjoyable environment such as. ( fill in one that irritates you most here).
Preach it, sister. I really don’t need to hear about someone’s sex life or the details of one’s medical problems while I’m trying to chill out. There should be a law that says that citizens are entitled to punch the hell out of people who subject us to that stuff. It’s a public health and sanity issue.
So with you on Kevin Costner’s voice. You know what his voice says, no matter what the words are that he’s speaking? “I don’t give a f***.”
My “good” kryptonite – coffee shops. I just found out that I have an extra week of vacation time I wasn’t expecting. I plan to burn the whole week sitting in a coffee shop, wanking words.
“Bad” kryptonite – excessive touching. My 7 year old is going through a stage where he feels the need to HANG on me all the time. I try to be patient, because I know he’ll reach an age when he wants to deny my existence, but OH MAN, does it ever make me want to crawl inside myself, taking my skin and nerve endings with me and disappearing into a dark room for several days.
That’s EXACTLY it, legion—he’s phoning it in. He has absolutely no inflection in his voice. It’s just that thin, tinny, flat voice. He doesn’t act, he recites.
Coffee shops!! YES. That should be on my good krypto list too. I don’t have kids but I’m thinking that I wouldn’t enjoy anyone hanging on me all the time. Unless it was an Irishman, maybe.
Chocolate! Ben& Jerry’s Cherries Garcia ice cream are my Kryptonite but so wonderful sending me into spasms of happy. On the reverse side, there is a family joke that the fastest they see me move is to grab the romote to change the channel when when I hear Alex Trebek.
You know what’s awesome, mountainmae? Cherry Garcia with hot fudge sauce. And high five on the Alex Trebek hate, sister.
Garcia and fudge sound good to me. I buy the single serving size which even comes with a tiny spoon in the top. Tiny guilt.
I get those too! The tiny spoon is fun. And you’re right, it’s only tiny guilt that way.
Bad Kryptonite — Maryland drivers, people who text and drive (see Maryland drivers), people who apply makeup/shave/brush their teeth in the car (see Maryland drivers), people who exhibit road rage (see Maryland drivers).
Good Kryptonite — baklava, Belgian chocolate, hiking in the woods on a beautiful fall day, curling up with a good book.
So what you’re saying is, Maryland drivers may require some sort of remedial schooling? I’m usually pretty good at reading between the lines but you’re so cryptic (or in this case, kryptic), JM.
I’m not sure some of them have had any driver’s education…. They are ranked among the worst in the country, with good, er, bad reason! I have personally witnessed countless examples of the behavior I described. Heaven help us when snow enters the equation!
I learned how to drive in the sensible Midwest.
New Jersey drivers are right up there too, I’m sure.
Drive safely and carry a baseball bat, JM…
Bad: being around eggs. Psychosomatic nausea due to a childhood incident. Shudder…
I want to know Brian! What happened?
That is extremely interesting, Brian. I want to know more but of course I don’t want to make you revisit the horror. Unless you want to.
Already done!
http://brianwestbye.wordpress.com/2012/05/09/the-persistence-of-memory/
Ok, I read this, and even though I didn’t witness this horrific event firsthand, I’m not sure I’ll think about eggs the same way again either…
Does your aversion to honey come from the fact it is manufactured in dirty bee food holes? Eating a chocolate mousse must freak you out. The surface would be okay. But after you start eating all those broken, set chocolate bubbles must be horrific.
I can’t stand the sight of Chris Brown, which isn’t that controversial but he really makes my teeth itch. My nine year old daughter was making excuses for him the other day.
Normally sensible people say things to me like: ‘you need to separate what he did from his music, they’re two different things.’
Firstly, his music is shit. Secondly, would MTV be playing his stuff (and to me, condoning his actions) if he was a child abuser? Let him find another way to make a living. Bollocks to him (yes, I hate Chris Brown).
I like you, West Wickle. I’m glad you’re here.
Amen on the Chris Brown hate. I can’t think of one redeeming feature he has. Not one. I suppose the fact that he ISN’T a child molester (that we know of) is a plus, but aside from that, there’s nothing.
Strangely enough, chocolate mousse doesn’t bother me. Thank God. Otherwise I’d be in big trouble.
Also, I realized I forgot to answer the first part of your question—my aversion to honey is actually quite independent of my aversion to honeycombs. I just detest the smell of honey, even a mild whiff makes me queasy. But the honeycomb tie-in doesn’t really help honey’s cause in my book, public-relations wise.
My good kryptonite: See’s dark chocolate, Napa Valley vineyard tours, women in red, freshly laundered sheets, my main squeeze’s fragrance, the Beatles, Woody Allen. My bad kryptonite (to use meizac’s differentiation): coconut, line crashers, rodents, Dick Cheney, the garbage stew smells of summer, Celine Dion, slippery black ice in winter.
I hear tell about See’s chocolate all the time. I’ve only had it once but it was damned good. WHY OH WHY don’t they open a few shops over here on the Right Coast??
With you on the Cheney and Dion hatred, LA. I wonder if there’s any way we can get the two of them together on an elevator and then cut the cable.
I like Irish accents too. I have three neighbors in my building with Irish accents — it’s so cool — but they’ve been here a while so they’re faded. But my kryptonite accent/language — German! I relate to the way you feel because I actually followed three German tourists who were speaking German — only for a few yards! I just love that you love Carvel Ice Cream!
I love love love that you followed some German tourists, Sandee. I do the same with the Irish. I can’t help myself. We had a real estate broker who was from Dublin and I could have listened to her chattering all day.
Carvel is one of the greatest things ever. There used to be so many more Carvel shops around, now there are so few. What price progress??
I can’t resist: Most requests from my daughter and my husband; the kitty swatting my butt in the middle of the night because she wants to be petted; chocolate in all its glorious forms. I can’t abide: stupidity in any of its stultifying forms; abuse of my [generally] good nature; Nicolas Cage.
Oh, I’m familiar with the middle-of-the-night kitty swatting, Margarita. I can’t resist it either. I could be in a half-coma and I’d still stick a hand out to pet them.
And a hearty AMEN on the Nicolas Cage hate.
This is the best post ever! I’ve just read everyone’s comments and all I can say is one man’s good kryptonite is another man’s rubbish, and that’s putting it mildly.
Good Krypto – Freshly laundered white sheets, Brownies and ice cold milk, dogs and cats (all animals, really), big waves at the beach-right before it storms, when I see goodness in its many forms, especially courage.
Bad Krypto – Sorry Weebs, Vegas makes me ill, When people use God’s name in vain or, mock things considered sacred by anyone, Animal cruelty (I can’t handle the commercials either), scam artists/ people that prey on the vulnerable, jazzy elevator music makes me homicidal, crappy drivers
Weebs, I love you for mentioning my old friend Carvel. It’s like buttah!
I love love love love love Carvel, Grippy. It’s one of my biggest weaknesses. Carvel chocolate cones with chocolate sprinkles. And Carvel cake with the crunchies. Mmmmmmm!
You’re right, one person’s good krypto is another person’s bad krypto. It’s ok that you hate Vegas, I still love you.
Yes! The chocolate cone with chocolate sprinkles is my FAVORITE!
I’m gonna post tomorrow about Vegas and then it will all make sense.
Ah! Looking forward to the big reveal!
Good kryp:
Chocolate. Dark, very dark.
Wine. Red, always red.
Coffee. Strong, really strong.
A pillow and a couch around 4:00 p.m., any given day of the week.
Bad kryp:
Whatever’s in the container in the back of the refrigerator.
I’m with you on the cockroaches.
Dark chocolate, red wine, and strong coffee. That’s the migraine trifecta, Robin!
I don’t see why cockroaches exist, frankly. They’re evil.
And the migraine trifecta is why I need a nap at 4.
HA! Yes, I can see how that would make sense!
June bugs are mine.
I’ve never actually seen a june bug, I don’t think. I assume I should be glad of this?
Good: Authentic Italian food
Bad: Mayo, spiders, women who try to sound like Estelle Costanza
I love mayo, myself. But I know plenty of people who detest it. What I want to know is, have you met many women who try to sound like Estelle Costanza? That would definitely be bad krypto.
I’ve met 2 Estelles. I was surprised that there were any
. And I used to love mayo, also. I’m not sure what happened!
I like to think those Estelles are the exception. May you meet no others in your travels!
Good Kryptonite:
Coffee
Pizza (GF of course)
Did I mention coffee???
Anything sour
Flowers
the beach
Bad Kryptonite:
Small enclosed spaces
Crowds
Crowds and enclosed spaces together
Cities
Coffee = goodness. I love sour stuff too, THAM. Lemons, sour patch kids, grapefruits, etc. Delicious.
Good : nifty little cafes with cupcakes, cakes and mocha latte whatever
, good books…good company
Bad: arrogant people, crowds, some heights…did i say arrogant people lol
I love that, Boomie: “nifty little cafes with cupcakes” — who could resist such a thing??? And welcome back, btw!
They are always so good. I don’t eat cakes but i go in there all the same smell the goodies and buy a dozen to share they just make me feel good those shops lol.
Thank you so much
mmm is there anything better than a Carvel Birthday Cake? A must have in my house– extra crunchies. It isn’t summer unless a package of Flying Saucers is purchased. Good krypto for me is hot Jason Varitek..donuts..coffee and my husband..mm now if I could some how combine all of those together at the same time…
Bad would be squirrels, cotton balls, telephones and the list goes on
A friend of mine has a cotton ball thing too. She hates them. She opened a bottle of Advil once and I had to take out the cotton for her.
If I were going to be naughty, I’d say something about finding a way for you, your husband and ‘Tek to get together for some hot, raunchy fun, with donuts and coffee afterwards. But since I’m not naughty, I won’t say that.
mmm you are not naughty? me neither( I could not handle that situation anyways) But a gal could dream.
and you are a good friend. I have to ask the same favors. I have to go to the dentist tomorrow and I dreading it. That is pure torturous hell..
great post by the way
(I was kidding—I am somewhat naughty…)
Ugh, dental cotton, I didn’t even think of that. God speed, A. And thank you!
(we are all a little “N”)
smirk…
good night
Hmm, cannot beat some good chocolate and the same with ice-cream. Bad: idiots who haven’t got the sense to know that they are stupid and don’t listen when someone gives them some useful advice, and then reply with a rant as though someone is having a go at them. Erm, poor drivers of any kind (texting, not indicating which direction they are going in until after they have moved), Celine Dion, Elton John, Nicholas Cage (after “Adaptation”), and some more stuff I cannot mention on here without certainly insulting one or two people.
I don’t mind Elton John but I will absolutely second all of your other choices, Elliot. You’ve got me curious about the ones you refrained from mentioning but of course I understand.
re Kevin Costner. I think WATER WORLD was a great film. I may be the only one but I loved it. When I saw name of ship Exxon Valdez I absolutely howled.
You know, I actually liked the premise of that movie a lot, Carl. And if it had been anyone besides Costner in the movie I might have found it tolerable.
Dear Madame,
I have an embarassing kryptonite. But I love your post soooooo much, I have to share.
Please don’t judge. I’m not really a perv.
But. This young highschool boy was working with my little boys’ wrestling team. He was so awesome. So good with those boys. Patient and encouraging. And a cutie patootie to boot.
I kinda had un natural thoughts that a woman of 40 shouldn’t be having.
It was awful.
I thought it was an isolated case.
NOPE.
I just went to a different camp, to pick my 11 year old up.
This young guy…OMG. Same deal.
It’s horrid.
So, my krypto seems to be Young, hot, muscly boys that techinically speaking could be my children…that are very awesome and helpful in coaching my children.
It’s weird.
I may need a chakra cleansing or something.
Signed,
YOur pervy blogging fan,
Lisa
xooxoxox
Sooooooooo, Lis……. you like the sweet young things, eh??? Listen, if they’re 18, they’re legal. No judgments here, my friend. Rock on with your muscle-boy loving self!
I should add here that even if they aren’t yet 18, big fucking deal to ogle and enjoy the eye candy, you know? Like guys haven’t done this for centuries.
Dear Madame,
Ok!!!
I will.
NOt that I can help myself.
I really like your dead guy, too.
Love, Lis
xoxooxox
Dear Madame,
What I canNOT stand:
Veins.
I can’t even stand to look at em on my own hand.
Don’t get me started on needles.
My kids, sometimes to be mean…put their forearm in my face..and say….”loooookkkk moooom!!! veeeeiiiiiiiinsssss!!!”
It makes me want to faint.
Love, LIs
xoxooxox
One day you’ll have to find a way to get back at your kids for that. Needles and veins don’t bother me but I can certainly see how someone might be freaked out by them. Deep cleansing breaths, Lisa, deep cleansing breaths…
Dear Madame,
I seriously do have a problem with this.
I could look down at my hands, typing, right now…and get so FREAKED!!!!
I may do a post like yours. If that’s ok.
I loved it so much.
PS. do Nicholas’s Cage’s eyebrows bother you?
Cuz that’s what does him in ….in my opinion.
Love, Lis
xoxox
Please do! Post away! Also, I dislike everything about Nicolas Cage, including the eyebrows.
I’m with you on your hate list completely…except for honey. I kind of like it. Tom Cruise should be at the top of that list. I used to like him, but now he’s just plain weird.
I’m one of the few people I know who doesn’t like honey, Szabo, so you’re in the majority. I didn’t put my hate list in order but if I did, TC would be at the top for sure.
Bad krypto:
Loud bass in cars or nearby homes.
Posturing. Pretty much just yells out, “Check me out! I’m insecure! Everybody! Look!”
Loud bass is obnoxious—it goes right through you and you can’t do anything to avoid it. As for posturing, I guess I’ll remember your comments the next time I try to stand up straighter.
If I had to choose between Kevin Costner and Tom Cruise, I’d have to side with my grandma and go for Kevin. Tom Cruise has had a good movie here or there, but he himself is MEH at best. (And a little crazy at worst.)
The British accent slays me. (Irish not so much.) Half the time, if I’m talking to someone with a British accent, I don’t even listen to what they’re saying. I just nod, smile, and pretend to listen. Frozen custard is definitely Kryptonite, hard to find, but so worth it. I also have mad love for seasonal beverages. Lemonade in the summer, apple cider in the fall, and hot cocoa in the winter. (I do not drink them in the wrong season; that would be sacrilege.) Oh, and gambling! It’s a really good I don’t live anywhere near Vegas…
I really don’t like mayonnaise, Caesar salad dressing, cream cheese, or cottage cheese. The texture grosses me out. Also, I can’t read electronic books. And rap music makes me wish I were deaf, although I love most other music.
Ooooooh, frozen custard. It’s true, it’s hard to find these days. Lemonade is good krypto for me too—just give me a pitcher of cold lemonade and a straw and I’m happy.
You and I should probably never do a trip to Atlantic City, Lovely. We’d be in big big big trouble…
Good kryptonite:
Cool Ranch Doritos
Bad kryptonite:
Cool Ranch Doritos
HA! This is an excellent list. Brava, Stacie. Brava.
Bad: Those ASPCA commercials.
And you know the accents for me are like WHAT. I am going to a wedding in Ireland alone in October and I am like….I should not drink while I am there and I should probably wear earplugs.
Wedding in Ireland!! You’re going alone??? Can I come along as your wingman??? Please oh please oh please???
Haha yes, otherwise I am going alone!
I agree with you that cute animals are an amazing kryptonite. My boyfriend will web search pictures of cute animals and then watch me turn into a puddle of goo. Especially baby animals, like pandas or tigers or flying squirrels. . . I could go on and on.
My other good kryptonites would be Jack White and K-pop music videos.
Bad kryptonites? I’m not sure, but maybe reality tv. It’s pretty dumb. Or dumb people in general, like Kim Kardashian.
Mr. Weebles does that sort of thing too, Mo. He sends me links to stuff that he knows will make me go SQUEEEEE.
I’m with you on the dumb people. They make me want to commit horrific acts of violence.
My attention, and quite a few non-essential processes in my body, can be stopped dead by plying me with cashews. Oh, and people who post two wonderful articles in a weekend seem to distract me as well!
Carvel is a new one on me, but Mr Softee? That’s the same Mr Softee that operates in the UK? I really miss 99′s. Very occasionally I can get Flakes, but they I can’t get the softee ice cream to go with them. Oh, cruel world.
Cheers!
Cashews. They are quite yummy. Roasted, raw, salted, unsalted, they’re all good. I think they’re my favorite nuts too. But the people who post two articles in a weekend? Can’t imagine who you’re talking about.
You can’t find Flake down in Texas? I can hook you up with some. There are a bunch of places up here where they sell a lot of Cadbury bars. Seriously, let me know. I’m happy to be your dealer.
And yes, the Mr. Softee here is the same as the one in the UK. Imagine a 99, now crank it up to 11. That’s Carvel.
The good: fresh Top Pot Doughnuts, really well made macchiato, See’s candy and bacon
The bad: soured milk, rats and romance novels and those ASPCA commercials are half the reason I got rid of TV
See’s candy makes bacon now?? I had no idea they were so prolific.
I don’t know Top Pot donuts but you had me at the word “donut.”
And whoever creates those ASPCA commercials needs to be flogged repeatedly. I know they mean well but for crying out loud.
This is a cool question. I always think it’s good to ponder these things a little, even something that might seem trivial.
Good Kryptonite: Actually, I’m gonna cheat and not list these, because as I started to, I realized it looked like I was writing a f***ing Hallmark Card (I kid you not, one of them was LolCats and another was “friendly people”), so I’ll keep whatever cool is left to me and just get to the bad kryptonite.
Las Vegas– Since it’s on your “GK” list, and I’m too much of a hater anyway, I won’t wax poetic about Las Vegas (that painted whore). I was there for an Erasure concert last year (and there goes that last little bit of cool…).
Political opinions on Facebook–I’m not sure if there’s any subject besides politics about which so many people talk at length without understanding how very ignorant they are. And to be clear, I’m talking about idiocy–not politics. I mean both sides of the aisle. Remember, “retard” starts with an (R) and ends with a (D) (ooh, I’m gonna use that again: Copyright 2012 Smaktakula Industries). If you only are hearing idiocy from one side, then you’ve either got a very narrow circle of friends, or you’ve bought the party’s platform. I particularly don’t like the slogan “I’m a proud Republican/Democrat.”
I think it’s great to have pride, it helps to give you an identity. But I don’t know how much it says for the firmness of your convictions that your intellectual marching orders come not from any internal compass, but rather from the dictates of an ever-changing organization whose business is first and foremost not the interests of the American people, but in getting itself into power.
Antique stores. HATE ‘EM.
It’s okay, Smak, I know Vegas isn’t everyone’s cup of tea. I never expected to like it myself. But I’m half Sicilian, so I think part of the reason I love Vegas so much is that I get to embrace my inner goombah while I’m there…Caesar’s Palace? Fuckin’ A!
Political discourses on FB drive me apeshit too. I don’t see a lot of stuff from Wingnuts, but still, too much ranting on either side is unappealing. Especially if there’s no intelligent thought to back it up—which there often isn’t, as you so correctly pointed out.
I can agree on a lot of the ‘positive’ kryptonites. Put a cute little animal in front of me and I melt. Don’t wake me up for anything except French fries (hey, I’m Belgian, it’s normal) (and you can wake me up for some other things too, but not many!).
For now, the OG are like kryptonite to me. I’m totally fearing missing out on something nice there.
Your people make some fine frites, NBI. Where in Belgium do you live?
I’m an old lady, though, so you’re going to have to tell me what the OG is/are. What kryptonite am I missing here?
The Olympic Games, dear Madame. But I see you commented on my post about it, so maybe you’ve realized that you do know the Games, but that this modern habit of abreviating everything is just beyond your age
. (Don’t take this personally.)
O, and I live in the northern part of Belgium. If that is what you wanted to know…
Ah, okay. Yes, you young folk like abbreviating things, that’s right. Thank you for clearing that up for me.
Good Kryptonite:
Doctor Who.
Second hand bookshops, the least well-organised the better. I want tottering piles of books in which I can find treasures.
The French accent. I once sat entranced in a cafe, listening to a Frenchwoman talk about the Soul to her English friend. I don’t even believe in it, but I could have listened forever.
Bad Kryptonite:
Where to begin? The most immediately irritating, to the point where I start shouting at the phone, are those “on hold” messages that apologise every 30 seconds or so for keeping you waiting. Instead of just shutting the fuck up and playing some soothing music. Chinese bloody water torture. I don’t mind waiting at all – I do mind very much being constantly apologised at.
The French accent is kryptonite to many people, isn’t it. Hell, I probably would have sat there and listened to that woman for a while too. Agree on the second-hand bookshops. Just the smell of those places, with the old pages and old leather bindings. I could go hog-wild in those shops.
And those on-hold messages really are inane. Especially if they “thank you for your cooperation.” What choice do I have, jackass?? If they were really sorry for the inconvenience, they’d pick up the fucking phone.
Good Kryptonite
Scottish Accents
Victorian dresses
animals
food-almost all of it
wool, books and fabric (I hoard them)
5 pm Friday
Bad Kryptonite
things that trigger my mesophonia
stubborn stupidity
racism
abusers
gossips
10 pm Sunday
I’m with you on all that krypto, Wanda. Except I don’t hoard fabric since I don’t make dresses. But if I did, I would.
Shania still makes my knees buckle … just about anyone who I can stand to hear.
I can understand this, Frank. She’s a pretty hot number.
And because she touched my left hand, I have a prosthetic replacement as the original is in a jar.
Good:
Capybaras. I love rodents so I am, of course, gonna reserve the most love for the biggest one. This would be my dream job: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3A2s70Z_LTg
Bad:
Centipedes. As the designated bug killer in my house, I am expected to show no fear — and I ususally don’t. But when one of those evil buggers with the million legs zip by, it is dificult to keep it together.
I saw that video on Cute Overload (yeah, I know) and I thought, how awesome would it be to have a job scritching capybaras all day??? They’re so freaking cute. I would enjoy having one as a pet. My cats would probably think differently. House centipedes, on the other hand, are really horrific. I used to get them in my old apartment. I squealed like a little girl.
I’m a CO fan, too. (More good kryptonite, as far as I’m concerned.)
I’m late to the party here, but my good krypto is like you, bookstores, LOVE flea markets, the library, cute animals — others, Nantucket, thunderstorms, Cape Cod chips. Bad: mean people, mean-spirited “humor”, bullies, (can you tell I don’t like mean??), rodents, bed bugs (never had them but have heard they’re a big deal in NYC), snakes and the dentist.
And you don’t like honey? Why M. Weebs? I remember reading this about you when I first began following you. Is it the consistency? I’m curious. GREAT POST.
Come on, you know it’s not really a party until you get here, Brigitte.
Aren’t flea markets the grooviest??? I haven’t been to one in ages but I just love them. I might have to schedule a trip to Englishtown soon. Ever been there?
Bed bugs creep me out. Fortunately I haven’t encountered any but I still get wary every time I go to a hotel.
As for honey, it’s the smell. The consistency doesn’t bother me, it’s the smell. Blech.
I went to the Brooklyn flea and I yes, they are the GROOVIEST. I love getting cheap stuff and making it into something grand.
Where is this Englishtown you speak of? Share your wisdom. The smell of honey? Never really noticed…but now that you mention it…..
Oh, Englishtown is nuts, B. It’s in NJ. Worth the schlep. Check it out:
http://www.englishtownauction.com/shopping/generalinfo.aspx
Hmmm …. Let’s see. I’m with you on Tom Cruise and Kevin Costner. My wife has a thing for Costner which is even stranger than the fact she married me… I, however, could cheerfully push him down any handy oubliette.
Good Kryptonite:
- Raw Oysters
- Single Malt Scotch from almost any of the Scottish Islands
- Sitting down with a coffee and a good book on days when you have nothing that *has* to be done
Bad Kryptonite
- People who always *have* to ‘top’ a story with something better
- Loud snorers (I am one, but I never keep *me* awake)
- The feeling you’ve forgotten something important but have no idea what it is
If you ever meet Costner and want/need help giving him a good shove, just let me know, sybaritica. I’ll be happy to assist you.
I’m in the middle of reading “The Big Oyster: History on the Half Shell” about the oyster industry in NY. Poor oysters, there used to be so many good ones here. And YES on sitting down with coffee and a book. Also agree on the people who always have to top you. Just stop it already.
I’ve looked at ‘The Big Oyster’ on Amazon and almost bought it a couple of times. If you recommend it I will….
I recently read another decent book about a guy who did a culinary tour of different oyster locales. I can’t remember the name and darned if I can see where it is on my shelves… I’ll keep an eye out for it though. We are packing to move so I am bound to come across it
I highly recommend it. It’s very interesting and it’s a smooth and easy read.
I’ll get that then …
BTW … the book I had in mind is ‘Sex, death and Oysters’. It was on my IPad, that’s why I couldn’t see it on my bookshelves.
Isn’t all kryptonite bad by definition?
I hadn’t actually thought about this, but technically that’s true, John. Superman’s kryptonite was definitely bad. I think of it as something you just can’t resist, something you’re powerless to fight against, or something that is so horrifying that there’s just no recourse for it. whether good or bad.
ASPCA and Humane Society commercials – I honestly HATE those with a passion…(they hurt my heart deep down because I want to rescue them all) I thought I was the only person who felt that way!
No way, Chica B. I’ve become quite adept at snagging the remote and changing channels as soon as I see even the slightest hint of one of those commercials. I want to rescue all those poor babies too, but how much heartbreak and sadness can a person take???
I agree 100%…I change the channel every time!
FINALLY!! Now I know what that cat was aiming his rifle at…lol
It’s true, Chris. Kitty has Tom Cruise in the crosshairs.
I know, and that is absolutely hysterical…rofl. Gonna have to be a perfect critical shot, since kitty is using a rather small caliber rifle…hahaha
True. Fortunately, Tom Cruise isn’t a big guy…
Good: Jimmy buffett music. Good food, crafted well. Ice cold beer on a hot day. Ice cream.
Bad: Pop-synth crap.
Aww man, and I was just listening to Erasure.
Oh goodness, if I can’t hit the mute button and hide my eyes when one of those commercials come on, then I get up and leave the room. Or turn the music on my headphones up. They’re just the most awful experiences ever. I’m pretty sure I had a better time having a hysterectomy last year.
HA! That’s saying something, purple, when having some of your innards removed is less unpleasant than enduring a commercial.
I utterly melt when presented with a meal or drink that somebody else has prepared for me. It’s a trifecta: 1) I love almost any kind of food/booze; 2) I didn’t have to do the work or cleanup myself; and 3) the thought that somebody cares enough to feed me just blows me away.
And if I was served a home-cooked meal by a man with an Irish accent, I would deny all responsibility for the consequences.
The only thing that drives me into a homicidal frenzy is when I discover a bully or other predator picking on someone helpless. Other than that, not much bothers me. Oh, except for the music of vapid, whiny, wimpy 80s boy bands. If I have to listen to that for more than about 10 seconds, I’ll start chewing my own wrists open.
So basically, a home-cooked meal with beer, wine & cocktails, lovingly prepared by an Irishman, and him saying “No, please, I’ll clean up, you just relax” would send you over the edge, eh?
Bullying and other predatory behaviors are atrocious. I’m indifferent to vapid 80s boy bands. But I love that line “I’ll start chewing my own wrists open.” I may have to use that. Of course I’ll be sure to add “© Diane Henders.”
Great post, and great question. My kryptonite: Reference books. I adore them. On or off line.
Anti-kyptonite: reality TV shows. They do my head in. Brainless twaddle is not my mind candy.
You and me both, Kate! I love reference books. Almanacs, general references, books of lists. The Reference section of any bookstore or library is so much fun to browse through. And I’m with you on the reality shows. Well, most of them. There are some guilty pleasures that I have, but mostly I find them unwatchable. They encourage the worst characteristics of human beings.
You’re my kryptonite Madame Weebles.
Peanuts and peanut butter are more like Lex Luther than actual kryptonite for me. I really have a tough time knowing when to say when. Usually it’s when I want to cut my stomach open.
Well shucks, Mooselicker. I feel you on the PB. For a very long time, peanut butter and I could not coexist in the same house. If there was a jar of Jif or Skippy anywhere nearby, I had to eat the whole thing. It’s only recently that PB and I have achieved detente of sorts.
If I ever discover a peanut butter eating contest I’m making you my partner.
Deal!! I am SO THERE.
YAY!
Books
The smell of paper.
First cup o’coffee in the a.m.
Irish accents make me realize I am a female.
Beer and brie.
An amazing sunrise over hills.
Rainbows…I just dig ‘em.
Music – especially bagipes.
Herbs and essential oils.
Ambience.
Running…preferably away from condescending assholes.
NAY!
Those who can’t text and drive.
Those who think they can text and drive.
Condescending assholes.
Toilets that don’t work.
Bullshitters with malicious intent.
Airports/airplanes.
Bureacracy.
Bad TV ads.
Well, I could go on but then I might as well write my own blog eh???
I wholeheartedly agree with both your YAY and NAY lists, Amethyst. Amen, and yes ma’am. Except for the Yay on running. I only run when I’m being chased.
for the past four years i’ve had the pleasure of sharing company with a lovely gentleman from Limerick, Ireland. one evening i listened to him prattle on about Formula One racing for over 30 minutes – a ‘sport’ i couldn’t muster a fraction of a f*ck to care about – just to hear him talk. We’ve parted ways recently, and i miss him terribly. The accent, too…
I’m sorry, daisyfae. I would be wearing a black veil and carrying lilies over a loss like that.
it was agreed to up front during negotiations (yes, romantic fool that i am, i always like to pre-negotiate the ending). four glorious years as friends, and occasional…. um… yeah… alas, his primary girlfriend moved to down from Ireland, so we wrapped it all up with a handshake. very civilized, but i’m looking for a black veil…
I had to think about this for awhile – that’s why I’m so late commenting.
Yes – french fries, Yes – Cute Animals (especially my Leo and Cielo), Yes -Gelato, Yes – Skiing, Yes – Scuba and taking great photos
No – ASPCA commercials (I run for the remote, otherwise I’m a blubbery mess and it ruins my day), No – Kevin Costner, No – Tom Cruise and Absolutely NOT – Sarah Palin! While I try not to be judgmental about most people, everything thing about her makes me want to puke. I WOULD have moved to Canada had she been elected VP! There, I’ve said it!
Cielo and Leo would be kryptonite to me too, Cathy—such adorable kitties! And gelato. Oy vey, gelato.
Could not agree more about Sarah Palin. The woman is an odious, odious human being. Sadly, Michelle Bachmann and a few others almost make her seem normal in comparison.
I KNEW IT. Weebles – we are like cosmic soul sisters (insert Train song *here*) complete with untrimmed chests and a deep, spiritual hunger for French Fries… I can never get enough. Never.
And: I hate all things with wings, from seaguls to lady bugs… my mortal enemies. They look all cute and flighty – but I know better, I know the truth.
The End.
WORD, sister. Although I do like birds and ladybugs and stuff.
I want to come to NY and go to that flea market, it’s on Columbus I think, it’s really big, in a parking lot and inside a building too. That would make me happy.
Kryptonite Bad:
slugs
other people’s cuts/blood/grossness
babies pooping in bathtubs
Nancy Pelosi
Kryptonite Good:
i’m with you on accents but it could also be a Jersey accent, Bahstan accent. Oregon doesn’t have accents.
Chocolate desserts, flourless cake, etc no fruit included
Puppy/kitten websites
Ryan Gosling
I don’t know of one on Columbus like that but there used to be one on 6th Avenue—but it’s not there anymore!! It was great, though. And I agree with all your YAYs except that I seem to be the only person on earth who isn’t a Ryan Gosling fan.
Oh MW, you’re fucked up. But I’m drinking so I could be wront. wrong.
I can hear you hiccuping from here!
don’t disturb me, I[‘m busy watering the lawn. I am.
love your passionate opinions – I love a Scottish accent too–as long as it is not so thick you cannot understand what is being said
It’s so true. Sometimes they’re so heavy and lilty that you can’t figure out what they’re saying. Such a shame.
sometimes though it would be nice not to understand some of what people say in perfect American/Canadian english
Good Kryptonite. Sorry to be corny, but my husband.
Also this guy’s voice. Strawberries, chocolate, icecream, persimmons, watermelon. Baby birds, kittens. (Youtube’s vids of baby animals pretty much turns me to mush).
Bad kryptonite: dead things. loud winds at night (and I don’t mean farting, though that’s no turn on, either!). racists. the nanny state mentality.
Great post mrs weebly-person.
So, Val, you’re a member of the Richard Armitage Fan Club too, eh? I thought I recognized you at the last club meeting. I don’t think I’ve ever tried a persimmon, although I’m right there with you on the strawberries/chocolate/ice cream part. And yeah, any sort of cute animal video turns me into a moron.
Not quite a member of his fan club, but his voice…
Persimmons… you have to find the ones that don’t make your tongue go all furry. Furry tongue=bad kryptonite!
Bad drivers! I’d like to behead each and every one.
If only there was some sort of guillotine that fit neatly into the trunk.
Uhmmmm….
Good ones?
Yorkshire accent. Gets me every time.
Cappuccino with coffee-walnut cake.
Fruit dipped in chocolate.
Kittens.
Bad ones…
Lack of respect.
Stupidity.
Lack of bins all around central London.
Welcome, WSS! You’ve got some excellent kryptonite. Aren’t there a lot of bins around central London? I seem to recall there being sufficient bins when I lived there but that was 20 years ago. And Yorkshire accents are lovely. I like a lot of Northern accents, although pretty much any English accent does it for me.
Thank you for the welcome, I came here guilt-ridden after Le Clown’s post
Indeed, English accents do it for me too (I’m a foreigner here) but Yorkshire makes me pretty much open my legs there and then *pretending to be blushing whereas in fact that is true*!
Bins… well, not as many as I’d want them to be, I keep running through the streets with a sandwich wrap in my hand or something. Or a chewing gum. And don’t even mention tube stations!!
You came out of guilt and not out of a burning desire of your own?? Hmmph.
Pardon me, slip of the tongue. I meant out of that impossible to quench, burning desire, naturally.
That’s better.
I won’t reveal my kryptonite (for fear that Lex Luthor’s web-bots will give him just what he needs to lay me low), but I will say that I could wish there were more RED kryptonite in the world. The pompous would have a hard time leaving their lead-lined rooms, and we’d have the whimiscal spectacle of people with festive Suessian antennae or brief periods of extra arms, and life would be just that much more fun.
Hmm. I had not thought about this. You raise an interesting and cogent point, ravensmarch. The idea of people walking around with festive Seussian antennae is pretty funny.