The obligatory search term post

Madame Weebles —  August 14, 2012 — 179 Comments

I’ve held off on posting about this because until recently, the search terms that bring people to my blog haven’t been all that funny.  But now I have a pretty decent crop to share with you.  None of them are dirty or really demented, though.  That disappoints me.  Obviously I’ll have to increase the naughty content here to get some good keywords for next time.

I’ve cut & pasted these directly from the stats page, no editing.  Thanks, crazy Internet people!

what is the psychic word for weebles
I think it’s “Veebles.”

whats is the metaphiscal word for weebles
Wow.  I would like to peer inside this person’s head to see what prompted this question.

what does it mean when everytime u see a weeble in yur house u think of a person
This puzzles me on many levels.  What’s with the Weebles in their house?  The way the question is phrased, it almost sounds like this person sees them unexpectedly.  Do they just show up?  Because I think that would disturb me more than anything else.  Also, what person do they think of when they see the Weeble?  Is it always the same person?  Or is it just someone at random?  And do they always see the same Weeble?  I have so many questions.

how long can you be nice to someone you hate
My personal best is about five minutes.

men with massive legs
Really?  Massive legs?  Hey, whatever floats your boat.

trust no man, fear no chicks
This feels like it should be the slogan for a modern-day He-Man Woman Haters Club (you get bonus points if you know what this is without Googling it).

he is my kryptonite and like superman, i am powerless in his wake
I’m going to need to see a photo of this guy.

i think a dead guy is hot
Join the club, honey.

does alex trebek know urdu
My guess is no.  But if he does, then I’m going to need to learn how to say “patronizing fucktard” in Urdu.

why are reiki practitioners so flakey
Because we’re made with many delicious layers of butter and puff pastry.  Also, fuck you.

179 responses to The obligatory search term post

  1. 

    Your answer to the last one made me choke on my coffee. Well done!
    I have a few more great search engine terms this week, but not enough to make a post out of them.

  2. 

    I’m telling you MW, put the words “naked, nude or boner” in your posts and you will see some freaky ass search terms. I really haven’t thought of Weebles in decades until you came along. Interesting to note that people are still in Weebles mode.

  3. 

    What is “metaphiscal” anyway? And I know all about the He-Man-Woman Haters club, Weebs. Never thought of reiki practitioners being “flakey” but love your answer to it — done with your usual aplomb, flair and finesse and made me laugh out loud.

    Do any of these people know about spell check btw?

  4. 

    “He Man Woman Hater’s Club” from Little Rascals/Our Gang. Also mentioned in the awesome John Mellencamp song “Theo & Weird Henry.”

    I don’t think that metaphysical questions about Weebles is so very weird. I mean, what is it that wobbles but does not fall down? That’s like a zen koan.

    Funny stuff, Madame W!

    • 

      Bonus points to you, Smak. You’ve *almost* redeemed yourself on that “flaky practice” deal.

      And you bring up a good point about zen koans. What is the sound of a Weeble clapping, that would be one too, I guess.

  5. 

    damn, now i’m gonna have to do a search term post too – and btw, i found you via “do weebles spit or swallow?”

    • 

      You, sir, MUST do a search term post. The collection of search terms on your blog must be spectacular.

      I don’t know that the poor little Weebles can spit *or* swallow, they’re so small. But if they could, I’d certainly hope they’d mind their manners and finish everything on their plates, if you know what I mean.

  6. 

    Thanx Maggie O’C! … I have a food blog, but I sure I can work ‘boner’ and ‘naked’ in there somewhere to drive up traffic. I am mentally formulating a post already!

  7. 

    ” he is my kryptonite and like superman, I am powerless in his wake… I swear that should be a classic poem.

  8. 

    Oh, if only my keywords were as interesting!

    But perhaps that’s just as well, for even if they were, I would never be able to come up with answers on par with your response to “flakey.”

    Wonderful. Just wonderful.

  9. 

    Out of curiosity I just Googled “what is the psychic word for weebles” and your site is the first four hits out of 319,000 results. Impressive. My site’s # 1 search term is (yawn) “lame adventures” but the last one is “bad plumbing pictures”. I Googled that search term, got 3,960,000, but resisted scratching the itch to look through all of those to find LA, even though I guess, someone with a clogged drain did. Back to you, since I’m at work right now and just a spewing fountain of mindless curiosity, I Googled “weebles” and got 192,000 hits. Your site comes in on the third page. Now I need a nap.

  10. 

    Darn it! Smaktakula beat me to the punch on “The He Man Woman Haters Club”! But I bet Smaktakula didn’t build one like I did when I was a kid! And I was the president too. So there!
    I really loved your post.
    Lanier
    Pres. of the Riveride Ca. Chapter of the HMWH Club.

  11. 

    Ha today someone found mine with “Chinese long eyebrows” The other terms were “ladies in workout clothes not panties” “Sex toys” “Ladies who work out in itty bitty clothes” “breadsticks” “Objects to use…” I swear my site isn’t porn!

    • 

      Welcome, Rebecca! That’s what makes these search terms even funnier, when your site ISN’T porn—but honestly, these searchers…what is their deal? And the whole thing about ladies working out in workout clothes but with no panties, why is that so much more of a turn on? Are panty lines really that much of a problem? You have to wonder.

  12. 

    Do you ever feel like it’s just monkeys on typewriters freaking google out? I fear for humanity if it’s not.

  13. 

    HMWHC is Little Rascals!
    Your Reiki answers are pretty much on the money.

  14. 
    Fish Out of Water August 14, 2012 at 1:18 pm

    “also fuck you” – I want to use that line every day, multiple times a day, for the rest of my life.

  15. 

    One of the funniest search term posts I’ve ever read. Made me laugh out loud more than once, which is at the far end of my “rank-the-laugh” meter, just underneath peed my pants, which thank goodness, I’ve never yet done with laughing, though, if you post another one of these search engine entries, I might yet accomplish.

    Well done. :)

    • 

      Coming from you, that is very very high praise—thank you, Carrie! Yeah, there are some bloggers who really make you want to invest in Depends.

      • 

        My husband came home grumpy, so I marched him into my den and sat him down in front of your post. He came out smiling and laughing, particularly at the Alex Trebek one. See? You’re even good at keeping marriages happy. :)

  16. 

    I like buttery puff pastry – but only if it’s a hot dead guy

  17. 

    1, It’s from Little Rascals. Instead of bonus points, can I just have some ice cream? 2, I’m the one who made search term posts obligatory, so now that you’ve met your quota, you will get your subscription to the jelly of the month club. Good work. 3, HILARIOUS.

  18. 

    I did know the bonus thingy up there, but soooo many people answered ahead of me, I am unable to claim knowledge. Sucks. I mostly get Norwegians looking for sexy dates and flaky pastry. Hey! I can steer them here to your post! Flaky pastry AND hot dead guys…they’ll be thrilled!

  19. 

    The last one is the best answer ever. Ever.

  20. 
    writerwendyreid August 14, 2012 at 2:02 pm

    OMG these were hilarious! I keep meaning to check these out for my blog but I still haven’t done it. I should. Maybe I could make a new post out of it. :-)

  21. 

    Please give me all the information you can on “men with massive legs.” This is what this blog is about, right?

    • 

      It must be all those elaborate posts I’ve written on cyclists and speed skaters, speaker7. Those guys could probably crack walnuts with their thighs. Or their butt cheeks.

      Sorry, I got distracted. Now what were you saying?

  22. 

    One of the best search term lists I have ever seen. No joke. This list raised the bar. :)

  23. 

    Massive legs was me. Oops. Otherwise, the surprise weeble was my favorite haha. I had the same feeling about it!

  24. 

    Hahaha! “Also, fuck you,” made me actually laugh out loud. And trust me when I say that we are very sorry about the whole Alex Trebek thing. Canadians aren’t supposed to act like that.

  25. 

    Loved your responses to the search terms. It had never occurred to me to look at them before. My crop today is fairly innocent, though there is a dubious search for a “gerbil felching video.” That one’s my fault. I did once post a video about felching with a gerbil.

  26. 

    Good one, MW. I get some pretty weird ones, but never thought about saving them. I’ll have to pay more attention! Thanks for the mid-day giggles!

    • 

      My pleasure, Cathy! I’m sure you’ve had at least a few wacky search terms. I’d be curious as to whether you’ve had any reiki-related ones. Because you know, we’re flaky.

      • 

        Yes, I know. Just like Dufour puffed pastry – made right there in your wonderful New York City. We get it at Whole Foods and every time I buy it, I think to myself: “You know, this reminds me of me because I, too, am flaky.” BTW, I read this post out loud to Peter and he has offered to become the president of your fan club. What do you think?

  27. 
    workspousestory August 14, 2012 at 3:31 pm

    Haha freakin hell that was funny ;))) hmmm…… gotta check out my search terms. But I’m sure they’re not even half as funny. And you’re right, fuck ‘em!

  28. 

    LMAO… those are great. I never get any fun search terms. :( Maybe I need to vamp it up!

  29. 
    a gripping life August 14, 2012 at 3:59 pm

    So much good stuff here!
    I feel #3 could only have been written by Honey Boo Boo. I think she meant “Weevil” not Weeble. It would make sense that she sees weevils in hur double wide house, right?
    Your 5 minute personal best is 4 minutes longer than mine. You’re a waaay better person then I am, Weebs.
    Finally, what about WOMEN with massive legs? What do we know about them? I’m curious, since I’m one of them. haha!

    • 

      I know, where are the searches for “women with thunder thighs”?? I feel cheated. And I’m not quite sure on the 5 minutes, Grippy, I’m hoping I lasted a full 5 but I can’t be sure. You and I are of like mind in the patience-with-idiots category.

  30. 

    Wow. Those are some highly entertaining searches.

    Seeing Weebles round the house: where to begin with that?

  31. 

    Yep. I’ve an oddly recurring “taboo animael” as a search term. I feel a little bit proud of it.

  32. 

    lol, I think you should forward the ip address of the person that searched the 3rd weeble entry to the police…lol. That person sounds like a ticking time bomb ready to go off…

    • 

      Too bad they don’t reveal IP addresses—but yeah, whoever that is, kind of makes you wonder if they’re all there. Who would have guessed that a Weeble could be involved in a psychotic break?

  33. 

    You mean you’ve missed all the sleazy search engine terms I used to find you? Darn. I thought for sure my “hot dead guy penis enhancer” would have caught your attention.

  34. 

    weeble boner.. haaaa
    comments sure add some more laughter to this great post..

  35. 

    Don’t feel bad, Lynne, I didn’t see them at first either. And yes, it really makes me wonder what people are thinking when they do these searches. Also, why on earth would anyone care if Alex Trebek knows Urdu???

  36. 

    I like the idea of someone searching “I think a dead guy is hot” on Google. Like they’re depositing all they’re secrets into the Internet without realizing that it would be seen by all who read this post.

  37. 

    Mme. Weebles, thanks a bunch for stealing the title of a post I was planning. It seems we agree that some things warrant being treated with light-hearted derision. ‘Men with massive legs’ is a personal favourite.

    I would also like to claim my bonus points for knowing of the He-Man Woman Haters Club, without Googling, and without reading the comments. Just when you thought they couldn’t get better, the Simpsons had Moe kill the original Alfalfa.

    • 

      Were you thinking of the exact same post title? Because that’s pretty funny if you were. I think you should still use it, as long as you attribute it appropriately, of course. And I’ll give you bonus points for knowing about the HMWHC.

  38. 

    People find me looking for trannies or ladyboys. Not sure why. thing is I can actually direct them to some.

  39. 

    How about combining a few of these: Looking for a psychic weeble channeling dead guys with massive legs who think they are supermen because they fear no flaky reiki practicing chicks.

  40. 

    Actually, I’m surprised you don’t get more porn type searches, since you’ve written about boob ogling.

    I’m also starting to wonder if maybe the comments also contribute to the strange search terms. If I start commenting on frog, snakes, locusts, and Jon Hamm over here, will those four words start showing up in your search terms alot?

    • 

      That’s a good question, Lovely, I’m not sure how that works, if the searches tend to pick up only the words from the posts themselves, or from the comments too. I can’t see why they would distinguish between posts and comments, it’s all words on the same page. So this post itself should generate plenty of good search material. Also, this may be the first time frogs, snakes, locusts, and Jon Hamm have ever been grouped together like that. Nice one.

  41. 

    These are weird… For some reason I like the ‘how long can you be nice to someone you hate’ one.

    The Little Rascals, eh? My favorite — I like the one when the break into the bakery and sit on the curb — it’s about five of ‘em — eating the spoils — pies, and CAKES! I think this is the one where one of them says, ‘This is good eating food!” I love that!

    • 

      It sort of reminds me of that part from your book, Sandee: “Why did you sleep with someone you hate?”

      And I love that your favorite scene in the Little Rascals is about cakes. I can just picture them saying that, too, “This is good eatin’ food!”

  42. 

    Wow, am I late to the party. :) I love search term posts (having done a few myself). Somehow I get the Russian searches for things like flowering trees. I never would’ve guessed Russians would be searching on such things. Or that my blog would rank high in their search results. :)

    Alex Trebek and Urdu, hmm. Never would’ve thought of that one! And maybe it’s just a matter of time before someone searches for “hot dead weebles”….

  43. 

    LOL Madame. I laughed out loud at “My personal best is about five minutes,” and “Also, fuck you.”

    I wonder, now you’ve put these search terms in the text of your blog, does that mean you’ll get even more hits from people searching for men with massive legs etc? A few repeat postings and you could monopolize the entire men with massive legs audience (assuming you want to, that is).

    I’m really going to have to pep up my keywords if I’m going to get anything more interesting than “lost socks”. Mind you, I frequently get the spam-comment classic “I so lick your blog.” It’s almost a shame to delete them. Lick away, I say!

    Cheers!

    • 

      “I so lick your blog.” That’s a new spam comment on me, Nigel. And you can count me among those who also lick your blog very much. To the extent that my monitor is sparkly clean after reading your posts.

      These searches really make me wonder more about men with massive legs and the people who love them. Or hate them.

  44. 

    The big legs one fascinates me. When have written of big legs?

  45. 

    I love posts about search results. You have some great ones. For me, it’s all about pantyhose fetishes, cougars, and mean soccer moms. It makes me try to diversify myself. :)

  46. 

    you are so hilarious – I love your go to answer

  47. 

    Ahh, that was great. The internet is a strange place. Google search terms never make any sense!

  48. 

    I’ve got a lot of searchterms that have something to do with smoking.
    I don’t smoke myself.
    One of the best I’ve got so far, was ‘a guy like you should wear a warning’ (the link with my blog isn’t obvious at all). Oh, and ‘kill uggs’ I liked as well!

  49. 

    Lol! Makes me want to change my blog title to something weebles. (But I won’t, don’t worry!)

    The most entertaining search term I’ve had so far is ‘the grass is always greener’, which really isn’t very entertaining at all. I mean the entertainment may be in the original post, but not on the search term.

    I’ll leave now, shall I? ;)

    • 

      I’m surprised you don’t have more interesting searches, Val—you have an eclectic mix of subject matter in your posts, I would think that would lead to some good stuff. Your phobia post might yield some good ones soon!

      • 

        Yeah you never know! (I think it’s because there aren’t all that many posts in my blog yet and search engines don’t kick in early in a blog’s life).

  50. 

    The post is good, but the comments are taking it to another level! A tip of the cap to your faithful flock.

  51. 
    whiteladyinthehood August 15, 2012 at 9:42 am

    how long can you be nice to someone you hate
    My personal best is about five minutes. – hahaha! That was GREAT! Loved your post!

  52. 

    I really like flaky pastry. I’m not a cannibal, but you do sound quite delicious.

  53. 

    This is great. What did “massive legs” lead to on your blog?

  54. 

    I was all, “I should comment! I love search terms!” Then I was like, “Oh, seventy bazillion people have already commented, and probably said things much like what I want to say, only funnier.” So now I’m just, “Hey there, Weebles! Have a nice day!”

    • 

      Are you kidding me? You should ALWAYS comment, Kathy. Bring it on. You’ve got all kinds of game.

      • 

        In that case … I’ve had some awesome search terms, and mostly they seem to be due to the use of tagged pictures and words that are innocuous when taken in context. My post “Baby Torturing 101″ netted me this gem recently: “is it ok to torture a baby because they are going to forget anyway?” And it has also destroyed what little faith I had in humanity.

        • 

          Holy mother of pearl, that is unfucking believable. That’s the kind of thing that makes me wish they could put a trace on the IP addresses of people who ask those questions, so that the cops can track them down and beat them senseless.

  55. 

    I would do one of these posts but even I’m a little offended by the things people type to get to my blog.

    You need to lay off Trebek. What did he ever do to you? You’re just a Sajakaholic.

  56. 
    a gripping life August 15, 2012 at 5:08 pm

    I needed to write one more comment so that I could put you at 153!!!!
    That’s so insane!!! But it doesn’t surprise me, you’re the queen of funny and likability. You’re a nice combo platter. I thought Guapo’s place was a party, I think you just took his crown.

    • 

      It’s getting to be a wild scene around here these days, Grippy—the last few posts have all been well above 100 comments, and of course the Nice Rack post went over 200. Crazy times!

  57. 

    Weebles? I’m going to have to enter a search term just to see what they are! and probably end up on your blog.

    • 

      Welcome! If you look at the photo in my header, those are Weebles. One of them a dead Weeble. They still make them, but these are old-school Weebles; the newfangled ones are silly looking, in my opinion. Old school is best.

  58. 

    I left the answer in my other suit.

  59. 

    damn it. now i want a croissant…

  60. 

    This is just an invitation to try out a few search terms of our own, right?!
    Perhaps I shall!
    *snicker giggle – hey, at least I’m amusing myself, right?!*

  61. 

    Love your zinger for the reiki-hater, but the one that intrigued me most was the “psychic word for Weebles”. Say whaaaat…?

    But thanks to your post, I discovered my top search term today was “man lived in boston drove austin nutts”, obviously referring to my “Oh, Balls!” post on dirty limericks. I have to admit it restored my faith in humanity. Anybody searching for dirty limericks can’t be all bad.

    • 

      I know, I’m still perplexed by that one too, Diane. Psychic word for Weebles??

      Meanwhile dirty limericks seem to be a dying art. I’m glad there are still people out there who appreciate them enough to search for them.

  62. 

    I don’t have very many amusing search terms either. Not like some people’s I’ve seen, anyway. And never anything dirty, really. I think you’ve seen mine.

    All those weebles searches are weird. . .

  63. 

    you know, I’ve always wondered about these “search” post. I must be a very boring person cause no one (OK, very, very few) go to my blog by doing a search. And the very few searches are always this: “Summer Solstice Girl blog”

  64. 

    And once again, epic hilarity ensues…as always, one of many who is a true fan of reading all that is Weebles!

  65. 

    Oh, good, it’s not just me. I’ve gotten some pretty weird search terms that have led to my blog as well, though none as impressive as yours. And I actually tried putting some of the terms into a search machine once and now my computer thinks I’m a pervert.

  66. 

    I’ve just google Image searched ‘men with massive legs’, that threw up a few surprises I can tell you..
    I’ve not had any search terms yet, perhaps after I’ve been here a little while longer..x

  67. 

    Ha! I did one of these posts, too awhile back.

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