I need to take a break from the blog for a while. Not permanently, but probably for a few weeks/months. I know this seems like it came out of nowhere, and it kind of did.
Yesterday I learned that the mother of a very good friend of mine has stage IV lung cancer. It brought back terrible memories of this same time last year, when Mr. Weebles was going through his cancer treatment. It was awful on every level you can imagine. And the worst thing was, we went through it alone. Our families don’t live nearby, and although friends were supportive and caring, it was just the two of us. And when Mr. Weebles was really sick from the chemo, it was just me. I’m not saying this to elicit pity; it’s just the way it was.
That’s what I was thinking about today—about when I was taking care of Mr. Weebles. He needed me and everything else went on the back burner, including my own needs. That’s what you do when a loved one needs you. And I would do it again without even thinking about it.
He’s perfectly fine now, thank goodness, and life is very different one year later. Except for one thing: I’m still putting myself on the back burner. I’ve been focusing on everyone and everything in my life except myself.
After I was laid off, I thought, great, now I’ll have the chance to do all the things I didn’t have time or energy for before. That job sucked the soul out of me and I was running on fumes. I hated it and I hated what it had done to me. The afternoon I packed my stuff and left the office for the last time, I vowed that I would take care of myself from then on.
Except it hasn’t happened. I’m still doing everything except that. When I hear about people who are having a rough time, I often think, “Hey, maybe I can send some reiki to them” or something similar. I don’t generally hesitate to help people. Except myself. Me, I don’t help. I don’t know why, I just don’t.
I started this blog because I wanted to get back into the practice of writing again—in preparation for writing about this guy. I’m writing again, but I haven’t touched the draft of my historical piece even once since I started this blog. Don’t get me wrong, I love doing Fear No Weebles, and I love reading your blogs. I’ve met so many truly wonderful people. But the blogging, along with so many other things, is taking my focus away from what I really need to do for myself both professionally and personally.
A lot of things have been stirred up for me today, for whatever reason. And so I’ve decided to take some time to do what I should have been doing all along: looking after myself.
I’ll miss all of you, and I’ll pop in on your blogs from time to time to comment and say hi, but it will be a while before I’m on the blogs regularly again. I need to get my mojo back first.
In the meantime, I leave you with this parting video: