Fuck you, bullies

Madame Weebles —  October 17, 2012 — 218 Comments

NOTE: I had hoped to make this a regular Friday thing because I like the alliterative quality of Fuck You Friday, but I haven’t been able to stick to a regular schedule so far.  Therefore, I declare today to be Fuck You Fwednesday.
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Hey, assholes.  Yeah, you.  The scumbag who likes to belittle people.  The stuck-up bitch who trashes other chicks right to their faces.  The mean kid who makes fun of his classmates.  I’m talking to you.

You people are everywhere.  You’re a fucking plague.  I’ve read too many heartbreaking stories about children and teenagers being bullied for one reason or another.  Do you find it rewarding to pick on those who are smaller, weaker, or different?  Is it that much fun to gang up on someone and spread nasty rumors about them?  Does it truly satisfy you to taunt a person until they cry?  Or worse, until they have a nervous breakdown or commit suicide?  Do you think it makes you powerful?  It doesn’t.  It makes you vile subhuman filth.

The same goes for your adult counterparts. Internet trolls who get their rocks off by posting rude and insensitive remarks.  Facebookers, bloggers, and tweeters who target and mock others for entertainment.  Mean-spirited fucks who enjoy embarrassing their colleagues publicly.  Toxic bosses who are verbally abusive to their staff.  The foul vermin who bully their spouses or partners. What the fuck is your problem?  Obviously you haven’t grasped that you can’t become superior by cutting someone else down.  Here’s a news flash for you: not only does it not make you superior, it also makes you lesser people, you fucking cowards.

I was bullied when I was young.  I was shy and I was afraid of a lot of things.  I was also not an attractive child.  To make matters worse, I was the tallest one in my class, and the only one who had glasses and braces at the age of 9.  I may as well have had a bullseye painted on my forehead.  Terrible things were said to me.  My classmates teased me unmercifully.  Grownups made cruel, judgmental comments.  I was physically confronted by bullies a few times too, and it sucked.  Being a target because I was funny looking was bad enough; I can’t imagine how traumatic it is for kids who are victimized because of their color, religion, socio-economic level, or sexual orientation, or because of a handicap or other physical differentiation.

I’m not that shy, scared kid anymore.  As an adult, I feel very strongly about about confronting and stopping bullies.  You’re like cancers—you spread everywhere and you need to be cut off in your tracks.  I’m not a mother, and you should be glad about that because I would be your worst nightmare if you ever picked on my kid.  As it is, I am insanely protective of my friends and family.  If you take a potshot at someone I care about, I WILL COME AFTER YOU.  If you so much as say ONE WORD out of line about any of my loved ones, you will hear from me. I’m not kidding.

I don’t care if you had an unhappy childhood.  I don’t give a shit if you feel powerless and frustrated.  Under other circumstances, I might have compassion for you.  But if you choose to take out your misery and anger on someone with even less power, you forfeit any right to sympathy as far as I’m concerned.  Justifying your actions by blaming your home life or your upbringing makes as much sense as serial killers who target victims who look like their mother, or wife, or the first woman who ever dumped them.  The problem is YOU, motherfuckers.  Look at yourselves for a change, you spineless losers.  Look at what your actions have wrought.  Nothing good, right?  Think about that for a while.

Fuck you, you hate-filled jackals.  Fuck you and your twisted need to hurt others.  I don’t even have to wish ill on you—all I have to do is hope that you get what you deserve, because karma will be a vicious bitch.

218 responses to Fuck you, bullies

  1. 

    Madame:I Love You!!! This post says it all! Thank You…

  2. 

    I second the love for Weebles. Love! Can I print this out and hand it to every assknob I encounter?

  3. 

    I can’t tell if bullying has somehow got worse since I ws a kid or if it is just talked about more… I certainly don’t recall any suicides that were said to result from it.

    • 

      I think it’s worse now, John. I don’t remember any suicides when I was a kid either. People are more vicious now, and there are more forums where they can bully people than there were many years ago. It’s so sad.

    • 

      I also think it’s easier now, easier to bully. All these kids have cell phones and Facebook and youtube and they can send a hurtful message, picture, or video to tons of people all at once, even during class while the teacher isn’t looking.
      Thanks for the post Ms. Weebs. You get me fired up.

  4. 

    Thank you Madame Weebles!!!

  5. 

    I’m having a T-shirt and bumper sticker made that says, “The problem is YOU, motherfucker.”. Loved this!

  6. 

    Weebs, I think we have even more access to this kind of behavior and those who bully on a cyber scale have a way in which to hide themselves which is even more insidious and cowardly.

    I was bullied as a child as well for looking kind of awkward (I had those glasses) so I sympathize with you and know what you went through and I’m so sorry that you went through that.

    I don’t know what people gain from belittling others — I’ve never understood this. We see displays of it constantly — adults — bullying one another on “reality” shows. But I think there’s always been bullies. I don’t know if it comes from what he/she witnesses or it’s a quirk within themselves. But I’m also like you in that if anyone says anything about a loved one, I can’t stand it and will defend them.

    I do agree that karma does have a way of coming back and that alone will ensure that those who treat others unfairly will most likely find themselves in the place that they have put others.

    • 

      Oh, Brigitte, I’m so sorry you were bullied too. We turned out pretty damned good, though, didn’t we?? I think you’re right that a lot of it is inspired by the behavior on reality shows, and that the Internet has elevated bullying to a whole new level because of the anonymity it provides. And I like to think that these bullies will get what’s coming to them eventually….

  7. 
    A gripping life October 17, 2012 at 8:13 am

    I was the kid that went after the bullies. I was a friend to all misfits. Something about it made my blood boil and I’d turn into Jake LaMotta. Haha! and when it’s your own kid… Fugetta bout it!!!
    I think they need to offer classes in every school on anti-bullying, and emotional wellness. Who are these teachers and parents that turn a blind eye and say “kids will be kids?” I hate them too.
    Great post, Weebs!

    • 

      Yeah Grippy! Gee, I hope my nephews grow up to be like this.

    • 

      This doesn’t surprise me at all, Grippy–I can easily picture in the role of the Misfits’ Avenger. As for the parents and teachers, I suspect that the parents may be bullies themselves in a lot of cases, and probably the teachers are overwhelmed and/or aren’t equipped to handle the problem. I agree that there should be anti-bullying classes—or at least classes in social niceties and general human decency. Amazing that so many people lack these very basic skills.

  8. 

    Well said! Outstanding! A must read! Amen Weebs!

  9. 

    No-one should ever try to lift their own self esteem by squashing someone else’s. Glad you held back a little ;). Great post.

  10. 

    Reblogged this on scienerf and commented:
    Bullies beware, those who you used to attack are rising up and WILL GET YOU!

  11. 

    ***stands up and cheers***
    I hope you don’t mind the reblog but you’re so right! I was bullied incessantly through school and people have tried in my adult life, most disgustingly while I was ill…they are sick, sick in a way that will not be welcome into my little family of nutters. They will get their comeuppance in this life or the next ;)

    • 

      I absolutely do not mind the reblog, thank you! I’m very sorry you have been bullied, Mel. People can be so horrible. Kids can be cruel, but adults should know better. One of these days I hope these folks will get their asses kicked.

  12. 

    YEAH!!!
    Give ‘em hell, Weebs!

    A great message to start fwednesday, and I’m thinking about printing 50 copies and putting them on the gates around the schools near me.

  13. 

    Right on! And as someone who was also bullied at school, I know what you went through.

  14. 

    I had glasses as a kid, did well in school, so I was picked on all the time. Can’t tolerate any bullies, especially so-called adult bullies who should grow up and know better. I also think blaming it only on a person’s childhood is a cop-out of sorts, I’ve known many people who endured a crappy or abusive childhood, yet still persevered to become sweet, kind and empathetic adults.

    • 

      Exactly, Darla–not everyone with a rotten childhood goes on to be a serial killer, or a bully, or whatever. Many go on to become lovely, compassionate adults. It’s one thing to look at your childhood and how it contributed to your problems, but it’s another to deflect responsibility by using it as a cop-out. It’s bullshit.

  15. 

    Baby C and I were at the library the other day, and while we were there in the kids’ section, I saw two moms screaming at their 3 or 4 years olds for being moderately noisy, but certainly not disruptive (it’s the kid section; no studying is going on there!). They threatened to “kick their fucking asses” if they “didn’t shut their fucking mouths.” Eventually the librarian came over and tried to disarm the situation.

    I don’t believe anyone is born a bully. They are made out of a climate of fear. Parents are often the first bullies children ever know. It’s scary when people can’t even protect their own.

    • 

      Hey, sorry to jump in but you’re exactly right, Emily. The bullies are just acting out what they experience at home. We need education for both parents and children so that they understand how the cycle works.

      • 

        It’s so true, Grippy. Education begins at home, in terms of learning the good stuff but the bad stuff too, unfortunately. If they’re learning abusive behavior at home, of course that’s all they’ll understand until/unless they learn differently.

    • 

      This is scary, but so true. I honestly think a lot of kids are just imitating exactly what they see. That said, I suspect some of it they also see on TV and are unable to contextualize it.

      • 

        You’re right, Lovely. Who could blame them for imitating what they see? They may not understand how negative it is, but then someone needs to teach them that. And unfortunately nobody is doing that.

    • 

      I cringe when I hear parents talking to their kids that way, Emily. It’s abuse, plain and simple. It’s pretty obvious that those kids are going to grow up accustomed to being treated that way, so they’ll behave the same way towards others. It’s scary to think about.

  16. 

    I both love and hate it when a blog post leaves me with nothing more to say.

  17. 

    I think Fwednesday is my new favorite day. It’s the closest I’ll come (in a while) to having an almost literal Hump Day.

    I was also bullied. I was the short, over weight, shy kid all through out school. I’m my sophomore year of high school I said something similar to the above to a kid that had had it for me since about the seventh grade. We didn’t have any problems after that. Plus I was smart, and he needed all the help he could get. I mostly felt sorry for him afterwards. He ended up dieing from a brain tumor, in his early twenties. I wish I could talk to him, as I am now. Explain to him that I’m this way in spite of him, not because of him.

    • 

      Happy Fwednesday, BroJo! That’s fantastic that you stood up to your bully. That takes major cojones, and good for you for being a great guy in spite of him. Poor guy, though, dying from a brain cancer. That’s pretty sad.

  18. 

    You make me proud!!

  19. 

    The key word is “karma,” I think. When a person dwells in nastiness and cruelty, he ultimately finds himself living a very unhappy life. Bullies never experience true joy.

    Those who are bullied need our protection so they can find the joy in their own lives. They deserve it, and we owe it to them.

  20. 

    But how do you really feel?

  21. 

    plug for a friend who is trying to make a living as a singer. She has a song about bullies http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AXnCQoWJJWY

    • 

      Your friend has a great voice, Wanda—and the message of the song is perfect. Sad that we’re at the point that people write songs about the need to be hateless. Shouldn’t that be a given???

  22. 

    Fucking well said, Weebles. I spent my 5th grade year being a bully and I have apologized sideways to the person I tormented – I wish that was a part of my life I could change. Now I have a little person that is quirky and I dread him meeting up with the likes of an 11 year old like me – I do not tolerate any kind of tormenting from anyone – ever.

    • 

      You’re a good soul, Rutabaga. And you learned from your mistakes and made amends, which is fantastic. Most people don’t do that. None of my bullies ever approached me to apologize, but I’d forgive them if they did. I basically have already, since I’m chalking it up to kids just being awful, the way kids can be. I like to think they’re not bullies as adults, but who knows. And I would bet that if your son ever encountered a bully, his mother would kick the shit out of them.

  23. 

    You know I’m right there with you on this one, sista!

  24. 

    I was both bullied and a bully for while in school. Mostly because I never felt good about myself. its a shitty admission but there it is.

  25. 

    Nicely said cut them down Madame

  26. 

    My daughter has been bullied by the same trio for 3 years now. The school is supposedly “zero” tolerance but they get away with it constantly. I’m truly anxious what’s going to happen when they all switch to middle school next year. My daughter isn’t physically “different” but she is academically advanced. Socially she struggles. I don’t know why this is escalating but part of it is that there is not enough supervision. Also, I have often found that the bully is being raised by a bully. I am thinking about volunteering for a program that provides mediators in our schools. There isn’t even a counselor, just a single psychologist for the entire elementary district. The teachers can’t be expected to handle it all. Touchy subject for me for sure.

    • 

      Hi Tina! What your daughter is going through is inexcusable and awful. I’m so sorry. I’m sure what you say is true, about the bullies are being raised by bullies, and about there not being enough supervision and support to prevent things like this from happening. It’s not right that a child has to endure torment like that day after day. And now I feel like coming over to your place and ripping the heads off those little punks who are bothering your daughter.

      • 

        It is tricky. We talk about it every day. And I tell her, you have the right to be safe, and respected. Now, she is moving in to a phase of taking control. Like, no Mom, you don’t need to e-mail the principal today. I’m just concerned that she is “backing down” and finding the backlash of confrontation even worse. What to do??????? I’m thinking cat woman garb and getting all ninja on the play ground in cognito.

  27. 

    I do have kids, and even with all the bullying, bullshit classes, lectures, blah blah, blah, the kids are still as mean as ever. I don’t think little kids comprehend when they’re the one’s being the bully, (I’m talking elementary age kids here). And God forbid you confront the parent, their little angel couldn’t possibly be the fucking miserable pratt. I say apple don’t fall far in those situations. Great F’ing post!

    • 

      Thanks Jean! I’m sure younger kids don’t really get it when they’re bullying others, but it sucks that so many parents refuse to acknowledge that their child might NOT be a perfect litlte angel. This is why kids bully others, and/or have an attitude problem and an overdeveloped sense of entitlement: because nobody is teaching them any differently.

  28. 

    Weebles I love this post. Finally someone stands up and says “the problem is YOU.” Everyone is always so busy blaming everyone else. Ooh I had a shitty childhood or oooh my daddy didn’t love me. Well guess what arseholes my life was no picnic either and I don’t feel the need to make others feel inferior to make myself feel better. Well said Weebles

    • 

      Hello there, Storkhunter! You speak truth, sister. Everyone has a story to tell about their childhood, everyone has had difficulties and challenges. That doesn’t mean you get to act like a dick in an attempt to feel better about yourself.

  29. 

    Mean people suck. Bullying is, to me, a form of meanness. It’s about doing something to hurt someone else so that the bully somehow feels better about themselves. It all stems from fear and is often learned. It’s one of my big “buttons” too. I rarely encounter them in my daily life – but when I do I send them the “Scorpio laser beam.” Somehow they seem to know what hit them and they either stop or go away. It’s simply not tolerated in my space or against those I love.

    Thanks Weebs for this one. Eloquently and directly put.

    Cathy

    • 

      It’s definitely a form of meanness, Cathy, and I agree that it’s learned behavior that isn’t discouraged nearly enough. I’d pay big money to see you and your Scorpio laser beam in action, I don’t doubt for a minute that it would stop any asshole dead in his or her tracks!

  30. 

    I vote Weebles for president.

  31. 
    Fish Out of Water October 17, 2012 at 10:14 am

    Get it guuuuuuuuuuuuurrrrrrrrrrrllllllllllllllllllllll!! Fwendnesday is now my favorite day of the week.

  32. 

    Hear hear. I wish so much that parents would teach their kids the golden rule at an early age and discuss the concept of empathy day in and day out. Yes, some people are naturally empathetic, but many aren’t. They need to be shown examples of what’s acceptable behavior and what’s not. Empathy needs to be role-modeled. Where are these role models?

    • 

      That’s the $64,000 question, isn’t it. Although really, $64,000 doesn’t go as far as it used to, so they’ll have to reassess the dollar value on that. But you’re right, Carrie. Empathy isn’t a concept that everyone grasps readily, so yes, it needs to be taught. Parents aren’t teaching their kids anymore, obviously, and if the kids are taking their cues from what they see on television, then no wonder there are so many little douchebags out there.

      • 

        Isn’t that the truth. We all laugh at the mouthy, rude characters on TV, because they’re fun to watch. But I always remind my kids that what makes for fun TV makes for crappy reality.

  33. 

    Great post! I’m pissed!

  34. 

    Wow- you nailed it–and your are right- karma will win out–it always does, but for some of the victims–too late. You are not over the top, you are not too strong in your convictions – you are just right. Bravo or brava or both! I am so proud of you.

  35. 

    I’ll drink to that. Damn bullying motherfuckers.
    If I’m ever a mom I’ll be kicking their asses!

  36. 

    There’s a bully at my job — I feel sorry for her. She started opening up to me. She’s depressed and in really messed up relationships. She wrote me a note saying that I inspired her to want to do better. I felt like I had an edge because she confided in me. I told her that it’s not cool to conduct herself in a menacing way, that it’s not the way to have relationships with people. It amazes me how people are scared of her. This bitch is only the cafe worker — but she calls the director of Wave Hill ‘baby’ and once when the director of education came into the cafe she yelled out “what do you want!!?? Get outta here — oh you know but I love you baby.” People don’t know how to handle her. She’s a big ‘ol fat jail-looking bitch who’s lived in the shelter system. But she’s harmless. I deal with her as I would a three year old when she’s misbehaving. Shame. I had to tell her that I would not speak to her if she continued to address me in a certain way. She was actually baffled then about how she should talk to me. “Well, okay…” she said. “I don’t know what I should say,” she said. She really just doesn’t know any other way. I do a lot of workplace dime store psychology on people and sometimes it works to my advantage. I think of us at different levels experiencing pain and confusion. We can all bounce off of each other’s insecurities or try to dig really deep to be as evolved as possible about dealing with people we have issues with. With this one I have to do a bit of psychological manipulation — not like I’m all tricky and what not — but it does work. She’s really easily intimidated by it.

    • 

      Good Lord Mme. Weebles — forgive me for dumping as this was a recent incident — I think I went waaaayyy off. It’s still at the forefront of my mind I suppose.

    • 

      You are AWESOME, Sandee. Not everyone would take the time to talk to someone about this sort of thing. I give her credit for being open to your thoughts, and I believe that she probably doesn’t know any better. She’s obviously not had an easy life, and nobody to teach her about proper ways to behave and treat people. I’m sure that’s true of a lot of people who are perceived as bullies. But then there are the people who KNOW they’re being assholes, and deliberately go after others. Those are the ones who make my blood boil.

  37. 

    Well said Madame! Well said!

  38. 

    Well played Weebs and I say you stick with Fwednesday, no one else will have that on their blog. I sent this link to my daughter who is a big defender against the bullies and is looking to do peer support work.

    I think it has gotten worse and I think part of that, even most of that is due to the anonymity offered by the interwebs.

    • 

      Hooray for your daughter, Mags! Yeah, I think the Internet has facilitated a lot of bullying behavior because it’s so easy to snipe at people from behind an IP address. Fuckers.

  39. 

    Right On Weebles!

    I too was bullied as a kid. But mine has a much happier ending … http://fiftyfourandahalf.com/2011/10/09/comes-around/

    • 

      I would have had SUCH a good time mocking Tommy after his little stunt at the reunion, Elyse. What a dumbass. Sometimes people grow out of being assholes, sometimes they don’t. He obviously didn’t and I’m glad everyone got to see him in action. That must have been some sweet, sweet schadenfreude.

  40. 

    Hey, I thought I was getting here earlier today, and there’s still a huge line of folks in front of me.

    I guess I’m gonna play the devil’s advocate here. First of all, I do agree that bullying is wrong and bad, and that bullies should be stopped. Having said that, I think that as a culture we’re becoming WAY to obsessed with this, to the point that “bully” is being used for a disagreement of opinion or criticism (witness the recent story about the newscaster who got a letter saying she was overweight). I particularly despise the charging of bullies with a crime (or the attempt to do so) when their “victim” commits suicide.

    Like you, I was bullied in school. Unlike you, however, I also was at times a bully. Part of it stemmed from simply not knowing how to interact responsibly with other people, how to get them to pay attention to me in a positive way. As much as I regret anything (which is to say not a whole lot–my mistakes are very much a part of me, and if I don’t repeat them, there’s no point wasting time beating myself up), I regret the way I treated people. However, as i matured and met real friends who accepted me for who I was and not how I acted, the need to be an asshole went away.

    HOWEVER, had I grown up during this hyper-sensitive age, it’s likely that my behavior would have had consequences far out of line with my actual offense (I had enough trouble as it was, and came close to not graduating over a legal matter). Had I suffered those disproportionate consequences, I’m not sure I would have ever had the opportunity to go to college and “get fixed.”

    I agree with you about bullies, I just don’t think there are as many as society seems to think there is. Moreover, we’ve got to be careful about what “bullying” is.

    • 

      Sorry, Smak, you’ve got to get up pretty early even in California to be an early commenter here.

      I love when you play devil’s advocate because you always bring such thought-provoking questions to the table. There is indeed a huge difference between being an actual bully and being called a bully because someone disagrees with you. In the case of that news anchor, I was a little surprised that she used the letter as an opportunity to speak out against bullies, but I see why she did it. Personally, I think the douche who wrote to her is just an arrogant ass rather than a bully. If anything, I’d say he was using the bully pulpit, which to me is also different from actual bullying. Obviously he has a holier-than-thou attitude, so he took to the bully pulpit to make his point. This particular situation really hit a nerve with me because I’ve struggled with weight issues my whole life, and because I’m pretty sure there’s no fucking way that asshole would have written that letter to a male news anchor.

      Having said that, I agree that we have gotten uber-ultra-hypersensitive about taking offense to un-PC speech and behavior, and we don’t handle conflict well. Just because someone says something inappropriate or something I disagree with, doesn’t necessarily make that person a bully. As you said, the punishments for “disagreeable” behavior can often be disproportionate to the “crime.” And the first amendment protects free speech, including hate speech, like it or not.

      However, with the Internet providing the perfect hiding place, and with so many television shows, etc serving as insanely bad role models, I do think that bullying—REAL bullying, is more of a problem than when I was growing up. Does it often lead to people committing suicide? Probably not, but the fact that it happens a lot more than it used to is pretty fucking troubling to me. Kids and teenagers can be vicious, and all of the cultural influences and forms of communication available have combined to create a much more hostile environment today, and it has bred more genuine bullies. But maybe we do need to look at how we label “bullying” more clearly so we can more properly address the real problems rather than the more “cosmetic” ones.

  41. 

    I want a Love, Love, Love button. This was an incredible post. I was bullied relentlessly until high school. It could have ruined my life but for the grace of God and good friends. And Karma most definitely is a bitch – I’ve run into numerous of those bullies from years gone by, and their lives are pure crap. I didn’t wish it on them. But I can enjoy it.

    Oh – and in describing bullies you left out one phrase – “Waste of Skin”.

    Crystal

    • 

      Waste of skin! Nice one. It warms the cockles of my heart to hear that your bullies went on to have shitty lives, to be honest. And I’m very happy to hear that your bullies didn’t get the best of you—they don’t deserve that.

  42. 

    Madame, well said. I’m with La La, “Fuck em all.” There’s no excuse for bullies. It’s one thing that always really angers me.

  43. 

    Oh Weebs, you know I love you!
    I grew up in a vicious town, where everyone was bullied and bullied back, me included. I didn’t realize how harmful it was until I left that toxic place and was around normal people. Hardly any of my peers went to university, many of them were parents in their late teens/early 20’s, lots of alcoholism and drug addiction. There were appallingly low literacy and high drop out rates. Three people in my grade committed suicide, one because he was likely gay and bullied. I know there’s a lot of factors at play there, but I can’t help but think that if we’d been kinder to each other if more of us wouldn’t have made it through. I regret nothing more than having participated in all of that. But at the time, given that our teachers and parents did nothing (or worse, participated themselves) it was just accepted as the culture and the way things were. I am glad that it’s all coming around now.

    • 

      Ugh, RG, that sounds like a really difficult environment to be in. But of course when you grow up in that sort of place, that’s all you know. You don’t know that there are other ways of acting, resolving conflicts, viewing the world, etc etc. You obviously have tremendous strength of character, since you clearly have done well for yourself and you’re a lovely and kind person to boot.

  44. 

    You’re right that bullies are a scourge, but some are only tough on the outside and often, they’re not the brightest bulbs in the marquee. Nearly 40 years ago when I was a freshman at an all girls Catholic high school in San Francisco, I was ostracized because kids (rightly) assumed that I was gay. It was a rough year, but I got through it thanks to my supportive brother and a group of great gay guys. I wish every bullied 14-year-old could have had the opportunity to settle the score the way I did. I didn’t need to bully anyone back per se, but tables turned in my favor and to my detractors’ detriment. It was satisfying and I learned a valuable lesson about human character from that terrible experience. Dan Savage has it right with his crusade “It Gets Better” — for those that can get there.

    • 

      Yeah, that’s true LA — they aren’t for most part so bright — when I realized this I used my mind for ‘combat’.

    • 

      Dan Savage’s “It Gets Better” crusade is one of the greatest things ever, in my opinion. But as you said, it’s great only if you can hang in there. Depending on where you live, it might not be so easy. It’s true that a lot of bullies are not brain trusts. That’s probably why/how so many of them become bullies, because they don’t have the capacity to work out any other alternatives to that behavior. I discovered through my own experience with bullies that a lot of them are only tough on the outside, but it’s still terrifying to confront them. When you’re on the receiving end of bullying, thinking “They’re doing this because they’re afraid and don’t know any better” really doesn’t help much.

      • 

        When you’re on the receiving end of a bully or bullies, in my experience, I needed someone I respected to bolster my confidence to help me get through it. I was lucky I had my brother, and through my sister, I met a group of gay guys, the first out gay people I ever talked to in my life about being gay, that were terrific. Even if a kid is being ruthlessly bullied in a Podunk town, there is the Internet which is a valuable resource if he or she knows how to reach out and find help.

  45. 

    You said it best here, great post!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  46. 

    Now whatever could you mean by that??? Yes, it was inspired in part by recent “random” events, although this idea had been floating around in my head for a while. But now seemed to be the right time to write it, know what I mean?

  47. 

    This was fucking great.

  48. 

    I find bullies to be a necessary evil. Of course it can go too far at times. I can honestly say if I wasn’t picked on as much as I was when I was younger that I would be a very weak adult.

    A little bullying never hurt anyone. On that same note, I think bullies help us to see who really do care about us when someone stands up for us when we cannot to a bully. I think a mentality of “nobody can make fun of him but me” is healthy in certain situations. You want to bully the people I bully? No way man. We’ve got a bully war about to happen.

    Adult bullies are the worst though. It’s like they never grew up.

  49. 
    writerwendyreid October 17, 2012 at 6:17 pm

    Well said Weebly, well said. I was also bullied as a child (and also the tallest in my class) I actually attempted suicide so that I wouldn’t have to deal with them anymore. if I saw them today, I often wonder if they’d be remorseful that there cruelty had that much of a negative impact on me or if they would just laugh it off like they did back then. Thanks to them, my high school years were NOT filled with fun memories, but of terror and torment and you couldn’t pay me enough money to live those 5 years over again.

    • 

      Oy, I’m giving you a big giant virtual hug right now, Wendy. Being the tallest kid in class is a terrible thing, I know. Nobody wants to be singled out like that. And to be driven to attempting suicide—I can’t imagine how awful it must have been for you. I wonder too if your tormentors would feel remorse or if they’d laugh it off. I wonder that about a lot of bullies, including my own. Some end up understanding the ramifications of their actions, many don’t. Here’s to surviving in spite of the assholes, lady.

  50. 

    bullying takes many forms – i’ve seen it in restaurants, where young, inexperienced servers are bullied by assholes who are outraged – and i mean OUTRAGED – because the dressing wasn’t on the side. Just send it back, dipshit. No need to beat the kid up…

    • 

      Mr. Weebles and I were talking about this just recently, daisyfae–about how some people treat servers abominably. I’ve seen so many incidents like that, where someone talks to a server or busboy in a way that borders on abusive. Seriously, are you that angry and insecure that this is the only way you can feel important? I’d pity them if I didn’t want to beat them senseless.

  51. 

    I think everything I could add has been covered! So I’ll just say great post, and there are some really insightful readers here.

  52. 

    Reblogged this on goodywinks and commented:
    Listen up bullies.

  53. 

    M. Weebles.. way to rock the F- word in a worthy way. I got nothin to say that has not already been said. You are one strong mother-trucking woman…

  54. 
    whiteladyinthehood October 17, 2012 at 8:36 pm

    My goodness, you get alot of comments! That was a heck of a good rant!

  55. 

    Hi Madame Weebles

    My daughter is in middle school at the moment. Bullying is a constant theme in school, and yet kids naturally group together and gang up on others for the most meaningless of reasons without even thinking their bullying. They draw pictures and write slogans against bullying – then walk into the playground and bully someone.

    The sad fact is that most people who are bullies doesn’t even realize they’re bullying. Its a bit like labeling Hitler “evil.” Of course we do, but I doubt he thought of himself for one moment as evil.

    F’in robo-callers are the the same.

    Cheers!

    • 

      Let me know if I need to fly down to Texas and bitch smack anyone on your daughter’s behalf, Nigel. I’m convinced that middle school is the closest thing to Lord of the Flies in real life, frankly. Kids that age are horrible. I’m sure many of them don’t realize they’re bullies, or that they’re doing anything wrong–especially if they see the same behavior at home. However, I’m fairly certain that a good number of them DO know that what they’re doing isn’t nice. I just think they don’t care. And Hitler, well, he was a weird dude, wasn’t he. I’m sure he thought he was just doing what was best for the Fatherland. Too bad it was all evil.

  56. 

    Oh Madame Weebles, that was so fucking beautifully put. So well in fact, I gave it to my 12 and 14 sons to read. We despise bullying too. My 12 year old has been subjected to it many times but now he stands up for the ones who are. I admire his courage and “inability” to be popular by going along with these kinds of idiots. Recently, he discovered that some of his “peers” were locking younger children in a cupboard in the toilets. He arranged with his friend to wait in a cubicle and pleaded that he should be locked in in place of the victim. The swap was made and the friend let Josh out straight away. Josh then went for a discussion with the principal and the bully was reprehended. I was bullied too for my bucked teeth, then braces and my inability to “go with the crowd”. Major fucking kudos to you Madame Weebles… we fucking love you!!!! Jen

    • 

      You know what the coolest part of your story here is, Jen? The fact that you gave your sons a swear-laden post to read. That’s awesome. You sound like a great mom, and your sons are amazing. You must be so proud of them, and I’m proud of them too for standing up for themselves and for their friends. Also, I had bucked teeth when i was young as well—hence the bullying, and then braces at the age of 9, which led to more bullying! So I feel you, sister. High five to you and your boys!

      • 

        Back to you sister! I don’t mind them seeing such a fuck-laden post when it is so relevant to their being. We do try to keep the swearing at a minimum in the household because as I have said to them, imagine what it will be like when I have four teenage fuck toting lads to live with. Swearing is a fact of life though and when it is in such great context, it kinda made them feel a bit special to be allowed to read it.

  57. 

    Great fucking piece, Madame Weebles – there’s nothing more to say that wouldn’t take a book… FUF has a poetic alliterative ring that I’d go for,if it was my blog….but you F—- know best.

  58. 

    Yes I was there too…and when they came for me taunts and fists….I hit them with my violin case…and if that didn’t work I kicked them in the balls.

    And I learned early that those who came for me with kindness and compassion were the true superior beings.

    • 

      Right on! I would imagine a good slug with a heavy violin case could do some damage. Kicking them in the balls definitely would do some damage. I hope their gonads still hurt to this day. And the people who were kind and compassionate to you really are the superior souls. I’m glad there were some good people there for you, Lanier.

      • 

        Thank you luv! Your post reminded me of a story I wrote 20 years about just such a boy as me. I posted it tonight. Up with Love and Compassion and down with Hate and Fear.

  59. 

    I know you’re pretty firm on the not having kids thing, but. . . .
    Will you adopt me?

    • 

      Adults would probably be easier to adopt, since they’re already house trained and can dress themselves and stuff, so why not? I will adopt you, and I will happily kick the shit out of anyone who bothers you, purplemary.

  60. 

    Hey, i also had braces when I was 9 . . .

    I was an incredibly shy kid, too. I still am, in fact, because it’s not really something I can help, but I would barely say a word ever then. But I cried easily, and I always did well in my classes, so I’d often become a (reluctant) teacher’s pet. No one ever physically confronted me, just teased me and made me feel like crap, so it’s probably mild compared to what some kids go through, but it sucked. I dreaded going to school. I think that’s when my depression first started being quite prominent . . . there were other issues, of course, that contributed, but it was a factor.

    • 

      You had braces at 9 too, Angel? Good times, wasn’t it?? Some people are outgoing, and some people are shy. It’s just the way people are wired, there’s nothing wrong with either one. And I don’t see how being teased can NOT affect a child, especially if she’s sensitive. And kids are so horrible. They really can be such little fucking monsters. I’m sorry you had to deal with bullies too, I know what a lasting scar it can have. Hugs to you, sister.

  61. 

    Kids and adults can be so cruel. I have to think that what comes around goes around. At least, I hope it works that way. I am so sorry you had to experience life like that first hand from such a young age.

    • 

      We can only hope that either bullies finally grow up and learn from their mistakes, or that they get what’s coming to them. Thanks for your kind thoughts, SweetSpot, it was rough at times, but not nearly as rough as it could have been, at least.

  62. 

    Amen to that. Bullies at school made my life pretty unpleasant at times – worst of all was the people who were supposed to be my friends! Although they did decide it was perhaps time to stop seeing how far they could push me when I completely lost it, lept over a table and started punching and kicking the one friend who was kind of the ringleader. It took three of the others to pull me off…

    Bullying is definitely not something confined to the playground either! Now, if only this post could get FP’d as well!

    • 

      That might be the worst thing, when so-called friends turn around and become bullies. I experienced that as well, Faith. It really shakes your sense of who’s “safe.” You must have been completely fed up when you went after your bullies—that’s awesome, and it’s great that they didn’t bother you after that. And you’re right, it’s not confined to the playground, in fact most of it wasn’t, in my case. I’m really glad childhood is over.

      • 

        Having been abused by a family member as a child, I was already screwed up about knowing who was safe and who wasn’t… Which probably explains why I put up with my friends and their behaviour for as long as I did.

        I think that I had it easy compared to kids these days though – no mobile phones, no internet, so at least when I left school and went to my bedroom I could lose myself in a book and forget about it.

        Why is it always the bright kids who get picked on? And why do kids have to say that they think folks are ugly out of jealousy?

  63. 

    Magnificent post, and it makes me sad that I’m not entirely blameless in this department (a certain length of being picked upon + realization there’s someone smaller and even less popular = deep lifelong regret). I’m not sure I can agree with the Nietschian notion about this stuff, either; without bullies, we don’t need to grow a thick skin to deal with bullies, and what didn’t kill me made me subject to deep lifelong regret. It’s a devil to eradicate, though; like crime itself, the roots lie in powerlessness, and to abolish that one almost has to uproot society. That being said, a big boot up the arse to all practioners, while not addressing the causes, will certainly work as a topical preparation for the gross symptoms.

    • 

      Thank you, ravensmarch. I think many people who were bullied went on to bully others, sort of a circle of life thing. But at least you went on to understand that it was not a good thing, and you learned from it. So many people never get it, they just turn into jackass adults who make other people miserable. As for Nietzsche’s theory, I can’t say I’m glad I was bullied, but I do think that it did make me tougher than if I hadn’t been exposed to that sort of treatment. Developing a thicker skin has helped me in many ways, because people are just not always so nice, even if they aren’t bullies. And ideally we wouldn’t have bullies, and as you said, in lieu of any permanent way of eradicating them, a good kick in the ass (or punch in the head) certain helps to deter them.

    • 

      You rock, cooper. Telling off a Princeton asshole? Hell, that’s on my bucket list. Now there’s a group of people who NEED more bullying–self-absorbed, pretentious, pompous jackasses like that guy.

  64. 

    Go Weebs! I was bullied as a kid too and it wasn’t fun but it did make me stronger. I’m sure a good tonic would have worked just as well but you make the best of what you have. When my Daughter went off to school I gave her some advice : if anyone bullies you, retaliate as hard as you can so those bullies never try that trick on you again. She did and they didn’t. She’s now an adult who sticks up for the underdog, much like you’re doing Weebs. Stopping bullies starts with people like us saying ‘No, that’s not right’ every time we see someone being hurt. If enough of us do it, some of the shine will disappear from whatever sick joy bullies feel.

    Great post and keep them coming!

    • 

      I certainly shall, Meeka! You and your daughter have the right idea. Bullies tend to back down when you fight them, so retaliate BIG TIME. I intervene whenever I see someone getting bullied. The workplace seems to be rife with bullies, and nothing gives me greater pleasure than calling out some asshole who’s trying to be a big wheel by embarrassing someone in front of others. I seriously LIVE for those moments.

      • 

        lol – I think you would be a force to fear! I think, as a society, we’ve abdicated our social responsibilities in favour of apathy. And I believe it shows.

  65. 

    So much cruelty in the world. It is easy to be mean and nasty and end up bitter and bent and cruel in response.. My own growing up years included a lot of names I never knew applied in any way…

    http://merlinspielen.com/2012/06/24/999-names-for-me/

    yet in the end I look back and see I was able to overcome the nasty bits and enjoy the many wonders of the world and living. It isn’t all bad out there – all we have to do is stand up and say “That is not right and I will make it better.”

    • 

      I remember this poem of yours, Merlin. It was so moving and emotional. People can be so unbelievably cruel. Sticks and stones would be preferable to names, really. Saying “That is not right and I will make it better” is really all we can do. I’m glad so many of us are doing that.

  66. 

    As tears well up in my eye holes, I am taken back to a place I don’t much care for. I am so grateful I know you. I am proud to know you. I am terrified for my children, but I hope I have half your gumption when the time comes. I am not above punching a kid in the teeth.

    • 

      I will happily fly up to Montreal and rip a new asshole for any cretin who tries to bother either of your kids, lady. Although I suspect Tiny Geek will be able to hold her own. I was not a tough kid, but at this point I can honestly say that I will not back down from a fight if there’s some sort of injustice involved. I’ve never backed down at work, or here on the Internet, or anywhere else. And I truly do get off on dishing out some justice and calling out those who try to humiliate others or try to pull some sort of power play. That’s really the only thing I miss about my old job: making life miserable for people who really deserved it.

  67. 

    Wowza. One part of me is shouting- You Go Girl! Fuck ‘em all!! Partly because I have been bullied too as a kid.

    And another part of me knows a boy in my son’s class, who, when they were in kindergarten, had a bad attitude. I found out that he grew up watching his father beat his mother. He’s 9 now and I truly worry about his future.

    But overall, I love your Fuck You rants. Rant on!

    • 

      That poor kid—he doesn’t stand a chance unless someone in his life intervenes. Those situations are so sad because this is all these kids know. All they’ve seen is abuse as a way to engage with people. I hope he gets some help, because as you said, his future is grim otherwise. So many of us here have been bullied, and it makes me feel a lot better to know how much motivation there is to stop the trend. It’s a daunting task, given how much worse the bullying problem is getting, but at least there’s a lot of awareness that something needs to be done. Without awareness, nothing else can happen. Thank you so much, M2M—I can guarantee that will continue to rant on!

  68. 

    Weebles rock! Great post – hard to think of much to add.
    Odd how many adults complain their kid is bullied – but the complaining parent exhibits bullying behavior constantly.
    Maybe if adults stopped bullying in the workplace, the neighborhood, the stores, the home, and in the media – there might be a change in attitude and behavior of kids would improve.
    Maybe if media especially went back to the “don’t laugh at other’s misfortune or pain” where it was considered rude /ignorant to do that? Lots of mean shows and commercials out there – it bleeds over to the little kids. But people don’t want to even think about following the “do unto others as you would have to done unto you” thing anymore.
    Big business has gotten pretty rough – brutal cut-throat behavior in the office is applauded too often….is it any wonder that an adult who has been bullied at work goes home and exhibits the same behavior on those vulnerable around them ( to make themselves feel more powerful?)
    A real mess for sure.

    • 

      So true, Phil. Parents obviously don’t realize how much of what they do gets filed away in kids’ brains. And if it were still considered unacceptable in the media to bully people—the way it was for so many years—it might not be this way today. Everyone is “doing unto others BEFORE they do unto you.” So then it becomes a vicious circle, and as you say, a total mess.

  69. 

    Yes good call, there is no need of it.

    I would love to see you on that show on a friday night where some scenario is set up to see how people would react. The one a few days back where the parent was saying her teen child was flat chested and they were going to look into boob implants, I wonder how you would have reacted.

    • 

      I would have had a really hard time not choking the life out of that mother, Elliot. (Good thing I’m not on that show.) Glad those situations are just setups, but I bet that sort of thing happens in real life too, sadly.

  70. 
    free penny press October 21, 2012 at 8:49 pm

    I have a zero tolerance rule regarding people that bully.. I have always supported the world’s underdogs and when I see or hear of little, insecure people trying to tear other people down with bullying..well, all hell can break lose in me..
    Enough is enough world..

  71. 

    You were teased from age 9 because you were tall? Jeezus. How come the adults didn’t tell the teasers to shut up? Glad you’re speaking up now.

    • 

      I know, it’s so SILLY, isn’t it? I don’t know why the adults didn’t tell the kids to shut the hell up, except that some of the adults weren’t much better. People are really strange sometimes.

  72. 

    Good one, Madame W!
    You may be interested in my piece on bullying:

    http://gigiwanders.wordpress.com/2012/10/06/even-if-you-win-you-lose/

    Glad I found your well-written badass blog!
    G

  73. 

    Being bullied is terrible, but others who stand by and just watch it happen, that is truly incomprehensible. Another thing I don’t understand is the need for a gaggle of idiots to stand around and watch it – one of those defining moments of herd mentality that is disgusting in my opinion. But hey, I guess if it’s not happening to one of them, it doesn’t matter eh? A statistic is meaningless until you are one of the numbers. Thank you for writing this.

  74. 

    Yeah! I couldn’t have said any of it better myself!

  75. 

    Well done.

    There are times when I wish I could go back in time and tell the younger me, the picked on and bullied me, to stand up for myself, to fight back, to no longer let them push me around and tear me down. I wonder how my life would have been different.

    At the same time, though, I know everything did turn out okay, and if I could go back in time maybe instead of telling myself it would be okay to get into fights I’d just tell myself that everything is going to work out in the end.

    Bullying is such a pervasive problem… and it really does need the adults closest to the situations to take a more active role in trying to stemp it out as an acceptable behavior. It is one of my greatest fears as a soon to be parent, that my child will suffer through their entire school career as I did. And now I’ll have to worry about cyber bullying on top of everything that goes on at school and at extra-curricular activities. If I had been forced to deal with cyber bullying on top of everything else that was thrown at me on a daily basis – I’m not sure how I would have coped. I’m not sure I would have been able to.

    We all need to harness the rage youv’e got going on here, and use that to fuel a revolution, to fuel a movment towards changing our society and eradicating bullying. Sign me up. I’ll play a role in that.

    • 

      Hello there sir, and welcome! I’m so sorry you had to go through bullying as well. It’s so awful, and it’s so much worse now than it was when we were kids. Congratulations on being an almost-dad, by the way! At least your child will have a father who will be vigilant about protecting him/her. That’s a great place to start, being able to teach from experience. And you’re right, the adults nearest to the situation need to be the ones to intervene. I really hope all these anti-bullying movements do some good.

  76. 

    Exactly! Very well said!

Trackbacks and Pingbacks:

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