A Superduper Special MOVEMBER Edition of Hot Dead Guys!

Madame Weebles —  October 22, 2012 — 165 Comments

In honor of Bloggers for Movember, I bring you a selection of Hot Dead Mustachioed Guys for your consideration.  (Special thanks to Joe Hoover for the suggestion.)

In the Classic Hollywood Dreamboat category:

Errol Flynn, Montgomery Clift, and Clark Gable (especially for you, Sandee!)

In the Handsome Presidential Assassin category:

John Wilkes Booth

In the Ultimate Sweetness category:

Walter “Sweetness” Payton (special thanks to Mr. Weebles for suggesting this one, I forgot he had a mustache)

In the I Was a Badass Until I Got All My Men Slaughtered at Little Big Horn category:

George Armstrong Custer

In the President Most Likely to Kick Your Head In category:

Theodore Roosevelt

In the Yet Another Smokin’ Hot WWII Flyboy category:

Benjamin O. Davis, Jr.—he gets extra badass points because he was commander of the first all-black fighter squadron, the Tuskegee Airmen

In the What Doesn’t Kill Me Makes My Mustache Bushier category:

Friedrich Nietzsche

In the Cloud City Cool category:

In the I Was So Good in Bed That Queen Victoria Never Stopped Mourning My Death category:

Prince Albert

In the My Father Was One of the Most Handsome Men Ever to Walk the Earth but I Was Okay Looking Too category:

John Cornelius and his father, Robert Cornelius (inset), the Greatest of All DILFs

All of these guys would have made sure to get regular prostate exams if they existed back in their day.  Even John Wilkes Booth—he was a fanatic but he wasn’t stupid.  And you just know Sweetness got himself checked out.

So gentlemen, get yourselves screened.  I know it’s not fun but it’s no worse than anything women subject themselves to during ob/gyn exams.  Please, take care of yourselves physically—and mentally, too.  And ladies, make sure the men in your life look after their health.

For more information on Movember, please click here, here, or here.

165 responses to A Superduper Special MOVEMBER Edition of Hot Dead Guys!

  1. 

    Mmmmm. . . I wouldn’t mind Montgomery Cliff checking out my prostate, if you know what mean. Do you know what I mean? Because I don’t.

  2. 

    I’ll let Clarke Gable’s moustache tickle my fancies any time

  3. 

    Nice shout-out to Sweetness. Well done.

  4. 

    Oh yes, wonderful mustached hotties and a great post for the cause. One of my favorites has always been Gomez Addams played by John Astin…what a voice! (Addams Family)

    • 

      Gomez! He’s a good one too. Although I wonder if he technically qualifies as dead. I mean, the series is no longer, and the movies don’t count. But Gomez may live on, as well he should!

  5. 

    Clark Gable was a super hottie. He may not have given a damn about Scarlett but you can bet he gave a damn about his prostate. In fact, when he left her, that’s where he was headed, to his Dr.’s office. (At least that’s what I’ve heard.)

    • 

      Grippy, I read somewhere that a few years ago they found several manuscript pages of a postscript to the story, written in Margaret Mitchell’s handwriting, where Rhett leaves Scarlett and Tara and goes to his doctor’s office for a screening. Apparently the publishers felt that it was too racy for the time, though, so it was left out.

  6. 
    Fish Out of Water October 22, 2012 at 8:10 am

    Two posts with Teddy Roosevelt in one week. How lucky can a girl get? Oh and Clark Gable………..girlfriend…………he does it for me.

    • 

      TR for President! Or something. I’m blanking, though, what was the first TR post this week? I know I’ve read something with him in it, I just can’t remember because of the Crone’s disease. Clark doesn’t do it for me, but I’m clearly in the minority here, Fish.

  7. 

    Ah, Teddy was pretty badass. My favorite prez by far. And Montgomery Cliff?? YOWZA!

    • 

      TR is my favorite too, he’s tied with Lincoln in my book. Montgomery Clift was smokin’ hot, YOWZA is really the only word that fits, Darla. Those lucky men—Monty played for the other team. The ladies’ loss was truly the gentlemen’s gain.

  8. 

    Ohhh Clark Gable a very good reason to sit through Gone with the Wind and Lando…dear Lando I wonder if he’s still alive! Google calls :P

  9. 

    I never liked moustaches…
    …until now :).

  10. 

    Well done Weebs … Interesting use of the moustachios … Meanwhile, come on guys, celebrate Proctober by at least setting an appointment!

  11. 

    Awesome post Madame W. just as I wondered if there was anything else you could do with a bunch of dead guys – voila :) And a collection of cunningly humors captions to cheer up my morning as well. Bravo!

    You’ll be glad to know I got checked out last week. I have to say I wasn’t so glad, but these things have to be done.

    I have to say I don’t like mustaches. However, I have a plan for movember. Well, actually the seed of a germ of an idea, but eventually…

    Cheers!

    • 

      Bravo to you as well, Nigel! Glad you’re taking good care of yourself. I’m not a fan of mustaches either, in general, although for these gentlemen I might make an exception. And now I can’t wait to see what you do with this seed of a germ of an idea that you’ll eventually turn into a plan for Movember.

  12. 

    Are we voting on them? I already decided my winner
    It’s clear why some became actors isn’t it, too pretty to be damaging that face in war.

  13. 

    And where the hell is Ron Swanson?

  14. 

    Weebs, what a brilliant idea. I’m going with Clark and I think Lando Calrissian (I thought that was Billy Dee Williams) is sexy as well. And Teddy Roosevelt. Where is Tom Selleck? I bet he got his prostate checked on a regular basis.

  15. 

    That bushy mustache was intense!

  16. 

    Some of them I would have tested myself.

  17. 

    Can we do a contest? Please, please, pretty please? Great post, Weebs. They’re all very hot. Too bad RC didn’t sport a mustache. And Nietshe was a little out of control! I guess philosophers don’t have much time to trim their mustaches – all that thinking and stuff…

    • 

      It’s true, Cathy—he was probably too bogged down with unraveling the philosophical mysteries of the universe to trim that mustache. It wouldn’t surprise me if RC had a mustache at some point, since that was the style during so much of his lifetime, and even though I tend not to like mustaches, I’d have made an exception for him…

      And since you and Joe have both requested a contest, it shall be done! Stay tuned!

  18. 
    writerwendyreid October 22, 2012 at 9:57 am

    Great post Weebly…and I agree with rebecca2000. :-)

  19. 

    Brilliant post! DILFs…too funny!

  20. 

    You know Nietzsche twisted that thing around with his finger from time to time. I wonder if it every got in the way or prevented him from walking through doors.

  21. 

    YOU FORGOT FREDDY MERCURY for which I shant not forgive thee.

  22. 

    I also submit Frida Kahlo who was not a dude yet still looked sexy with a ‘stache. Honourable mention?

  23. 

    Oh yes, Clark Gable — my lover. Thanks so much for including him. He’s the bestest — especially when he’s looped up on scotch. I think I’ll have sex with him this evening.

    It’s so sad that some men won’t get checked out because of the ‘intrusion’. My aunt’s second husband died because of this. It was crazy because he was so health conscious when it came to food and exercise. I his ‘alternative’ approach to conventional medicine is what did him in.

  24. 

    Wait a minute: Lando (aka Billy Dee Williams) is still alive. Which makes him far sexier than he would be, ummmm, dead.

  25. 

    You realize that when Rollie Fingers dies, he’s going to knock all these guys down a place.
    And I’d have gone with George Pickett for the “Getting Everyone Slaughtered” category. but then, I read a lot of civil war history…

    • 

      True. Rollie and Goose Gossage. What is it with pitchers and funky mustaches? Although I don’t think either of those guys is hot. Still, they have impressive facial hair. And now I wish I had included Pickett, for the exact reason you mentioned. I didn’t know you were a Civil War buff! Me too. Although if we’re talking about Civil War generals who got people slaughtered unnecessarily, there’s a pretty long list on both sides, isn’t there. That would be fun, a post on Idiots of the Civil War. Pretty much every commander of the Army of the Potomac except for Grant would be on there, for starters.

  26. 

    I’m not a fan of mustaches unless there’s a beard or goatee to accompany it, but some of these dead guys certainly know how to sport one. I thought Lando Calrissian’s was especially cool–whether he’s dead or alive.

  27. 

    I’ve always had a fondness for mustachioed men. My dad sported a trim mustache and I thought he was one handsome dude! Clark Gable has always been my favorite (mustache similar to Dad’s) and there was a sparkle in his eye that I found hard to resist. Sweet husband has a full faced beard that I like a lot! xoxoM

    • 

      Clark really did have that twinkle, didn’t he?? He doesn’t get my blood racing but I can see why he would have that effect on others, for sure. And he looked great with a mustache, some guys can carry off that look really well, and I bet your dad was one of them! Beards and goatees can be quite appealing as well.

  28. 

    I’ve always been a fan of mustaches as well as beards. I constantly bother my husband to regrow his, but he thinks he looks “more professional” without them. Meh. So, I suppose I’ll be keeping this browser window open…

    And I forgot that Queen Victoria had a million children. Now it all makes sense… (And now my husband will NEVER regrow his mustache.)

    • 

      I’m not sure why so many people think facial hair is unprofessional. In the 19th century it was considered a sign of authority and manliness. Yeah, Queen Victoria liked to get busy. She was quite vocal about her enjoyment of the prince; whenever she was knocked up she complained that it put a damper on her sex life and that she was looking forward to a pregnancy-free sex life again. (I assume she understood that her sex life is what got her pregnant in the first place.)

  29. 

    Dear Madame Weebles-
    great post and filled with very hot men. However you failed to include any baseball players– how could you? So out of the spirit of good sportsmanship and love– I give you Yankee Thurman Munson. Now you know I am a Red Sox fan.. so this is how much I adore you.

  30. 

    Hells yeah, Lando!
    I’m sad Archduke Franz Ferdinand didn’t make the list.

    • 

      Hello mabukach, and welcome!! I had to Google the Archduke to see what his mustache looked like. It was pretty formidable. But my concern is, he wasn’t hot (at least, not in my humble opinion). So he only satisfied one of the two cruclal requirements here.

  31. 

    Yay for dudes rocking the ‘tashe. I was going to suggest John Mason Neale (he founded the religious order The Society of St Margaret) as another deceased candidate, but upon looking him up discovered that he was without a moustashe, although he did have some quite fantastic lamb chop side burns.

  32. 

    What is WRONG with my RSS reader?!? I finally get a notification about this post, and when I get here, I find out I’ve missed a whole handful of your good stuff. Grrr.

    But getting back to the point… I’m a major fan of facial fungus, but even I’m scared of Nietzsche’s ‘stache. I like ‘em bushy, but I don’t want to have to guess whether it’s a ‘stache or a live weasel strapped to his upper lip.

    • 

      That’s okay, Diane, WP messes with my reader all the time. It irks me, how many posts I’ve missed because of it. Bah. Nietzsche’s mustache was a force to be reckoned with. I don’t think I’d enjoy watching him eat, with that thing on his lip.

  33. 

    Is it weird that I immediately Googled images of Robert Cornelius after reading this post? No, no it’s not weird. It’s just good sense.

  34. 

    That is a mighty fine collection of moustachios, Weebles. I’m drooling here.

  35. 

    I am a fan of prostate cancer awareness and of people not dying, but I’m personally a little cynical about awareness campaigns (and I’m not trying to be a Debbie Downer; I’m delighted when people participate in these, but it’s difficult for me). Movember is fresh, and I see a lot of people participating in it (I donated a few bucks last year), which is great, but I worry about saturation.
    And also, what about the cancers we don’t like to talk about–rectal & testicular (icky) and lung or liver (which we assume must be due to poor habits)? When do we raise awareness for them?

    Despite how it sounds, I really do appreciate and enjoy the enthusiasm people have for these campaigns, and I wish I knew a better way to phrase what I’ve said that doesn’t sound like I’m a “Down With Everything!” kind of person.

    • 

      Mr. Weebles and I have talked about this, Smak, about how certain cancers have more “cachet” for fundraising, awareness campaigns, etc. I feel that way about breast cancer, for example. Not that it isn’t a worthwhile cause, and plenty of women still die from it, but what about ovarian and uterine cancers, which are often more lethal? Or the men’s cancers you mentioned, which are also often more deadly? Or lung or liver cancers, which are wrongly associated with lifestyle choices, despite the fact that the majority of people who get those cancers weren’t smokers or drinkers. (And even those who were don’t deserve cancer because of their vices.) Where are their awareness campaigns? So I get what you mean, totally.

  36. 

    Madame, I passed along the link to your post in a comment here http://windagainstcurrent.com/2012/10/22/just-hanging-out-in-new-orleans/
    Check out the photo of the dudes hanging out in New Orleans. The blogger asked “What was the sculptor thinking.” Just thought I’d take the liberty of sharing your very important message. :)

  37. 

    On the “oh, ick, I’m not having my doctor do THAT!” front, I’ll say as the son and brother of diagnosed prostate cancer carriers (in my best impersonation of Robert Shaw from “Battle of Britain”): Don’t be wet. If you’re simply too afraid of the terrifying finger, ask to have your blood tested. PSA levels aren’t precise, but if it’s elevated, you can at least then make a more balanced choice of terror– “slightly horrible yet brief medical exam” or “months of agony and a needlessly, pointlessly early death”.

    …and speaking of slightly horrible; I suspect Zarathusta might have said something on the subject of topiary, had he seen the apparently-mouthless philosopher’s overhang. Yike!

    • 

      Excellent point, ravensmarch—PSA levels aren’t a foolproof method of detecting prostate problems but at least it’s something to start with. You are wise. And yes, Nietzsche’s mustache is beyond walrus-like, isn’t it? He could have used a good trimming and shaping.

  38. 

    Excellent! It’s a clever initiative, isn’t it?

  39. 

    Friedrich Nietzsche isn’t fuckin’ around with that mustache.

  40. 

    Awesome post, and the comments are just as fun to read! Monty was something else, even if he did play for the other team. Love the hot dead guy posts. :)

  41. 

    Errol Flynn, so dashing. Did look kinda dopey in that Robin Hood costume though. Looked more like Peter Pan I think.

  42. 

    I was born in November and my doctor gives me a “birthday present” every year. He’s sort of Errol Flynn-ish. Well, more ish than Flynn.
    does that count for anything???

  43. 
    workspousestory October 23, 2012 at 5:42 am

    Damn it I never realised Prince Albert was *that* hot?! I’d have mourned him too…

  44. 

    Loved this blog post! It reminded me a little bit of My Daguerreotype boyfriend. Hotties from the past. http://mydaguerreotypeboyfriend.tumblr.com/

  45. 

    Hmmph, I am so above objectifying men based on appearance and OMFG Clark Gable and Errol Flynn? Hottttttt. My brother once was like, “that guy’s dead” and I was going “what, like I’d have a chance with a living movie star?” Very nice post.

  46. 

    I’ve never seen a picture of Montgomery Clift with a mustache before. I didn’t know he’d ever had one. Or maybe I just never noticed. Anyway, it’s hot!

  47. 

    mmm…Errol Flynn was really cute! I have seen both Tuskegee Airmen movies (I thought they were pretty good). It’s great to see you guys banning together to support this cause!

  48. 

    Mmmm…hot dead guys, my favorite kind. I do recommend the inclusion of Paul Gustave Doré. So dapper.

    http://tinyurl.com/8nh8pjh

  49. 

    I am sure he has been included in other dead guy posts, but I will bet you Cary Grant would have led the pack in getting those all important examinations
    -As always, you are entertaining–but entertaining in this post in such an important way

    • 

      Believe it or not, LouAnn, Cary Grant actually has NOT been the subject of a Hot Dead Guy post yet! So far all of the HDGs with the exception of Gary Cooper (he was in a non-HDG post but I needed him to make 16 guys for my Sweet 16 tournament) have been men from history who are either not well known at all, or who aren’t really known because of their looks. However, Cary Grant in a mustache would certainly be delightful and I’m sure he would have kept up with his health!

  50. 

    i’m generally not a huge fan of facial hairs… a little scruff is a bit of all right on a nicely chiseled face, but my ex-husband was keen on the ol’ Grizzly Adams edition beard, and it drove me nuts.

    but i gotta say, Mr. Billy Dee Williams could have his way with me. dead or alive. zombie-fied or skeletal. post-decomposition, of course, cuz i ain’t a complete sicko…

    • 

      I too say ixnay on the Rizzlyadamsgray. Not appealing to me. And I’m so relieved that you stipulated “post-decomposition” — because you know, that can be really gross and messy, and you’re a classy gal.

  51. 

    Reblogged this on Christopher De Voss and commented:
    From the Queen of the blogging universe, Mrs. Weebles. In November I will be growing the douche beard in support of prostate cancer awareness…hopefully work will let me get away with it awhile.

  52. 

    Holy pumpkins, Robert Cornelius!
    Ye gets me droolin’.

  53. 

    Thanks for this wonderful post!!! So many dreamy men and delightful weeblian humor for a good cause. And it proves that I’m not the only weirdo out there who thinks John Wilkes Booth is hot.

Trackbacks and Pingbacks:

  1. Bro Bulletin: Mo’ Advice For Movember | Diane Henders - October 31, 2012

    [...] to Madame Weebles for bringing Nietzsche’s ‘stache to my attention and providing the inspiration for this post.  [...]

  2. Ligo Circle of Appreciation | LargeSelf - November 1, 2012

    [...] I invite Madame Weebles. Lord knows she doesn’t need the additional press. This week, she offered to throw a virtual tea [...]

  3. Who Wants To Stroke My Goatee? « The Write Transition - November 19, 2012

    [...] But what to write about? I have already differentiated between prostate and prostrate.  Other bloggers have masterfully covered the need for prostate screens and the challenges of mental health disease (Aliceatwonderland,  Curmudgeon at Large, I Mayfly, Legionwriter). Some have even showcased mustache variants (Diane Henders, Fear No Weebles). [...]

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