McCrabass + Bat-eatin’ spiders = FUN!

julesagray —  March 18, 2013 — 84 Comments

First, I must say, that I am completely honored and humbled to be axed by Madame Weebles to be a guest blogger. I swear, it’s better than anything I’ve ever had to drink barium for.

On to why I’m really here–to point out the weird, the wacky and the uber-choady. Oh and the creepy.

Like this story.

Prepare to feel the hairs on the back of your neck stand the fuck up and run for cover, because this just creeps the shit outta me.

Bat-eating spiders are everywhere, study finds

From CBS News.

Now, first a bit of history. McCrabass (me) was bitten by a Black Widda Spider many years ago while I was living in LA. I got very sick and ended up hallucinating in the Cedars-Sinai ER for about 12 hours. Ever since that day, I pay attention to spiders. Now, I don’t kill them, I keep a healthy distance from them. Just like they  know better to NOT fuck with the McCrabass–or else. On my McCrabass blog, I’ve even written about spiders you can fucking throw a saddle on and go “Tally ho!” Then, ride off into the sunset.

Here is yet another post about the wonder that is the creepy as all hell spider.

Back to the arachnids that EAT flying mammals, and I bet they don’t do it just for sustenance..they probably do it for sport. Fucking asshole spiders. Sheesh.

“There’s only one place in the world to escape bat-catching spiders: Antarctica. These arachnids ensnare and pounce on bats everywhere else in the world, researchers say.”

Please don’t pack up the U-Haul just yet to move to Antartica–that’s an awful place too. There is other shit that’ll kill you there faster than a spider and that shit is called sub-zero temperatures.

“Approximately 90 percent of known bat-catching spiders live in the warmer areas of the globe, in the third of the Earth surrounding the equator. About 40 percent live in the neotropics — the whole of South America, and the tropical regions of North America — while nearly a third live in Asia and more than a sixth live in Australia and Papua New Guinea.

 Eighty-eight percent of the reported cases of bat catches were due to web-building spiders, with giant tropical orb-weaving spiders with a leg-span of 4 to 6 inches (10 to 15 centimeters) seen catching bats in huge, strong orb-webs up to 5 feet (1.5 meters) wide.

 In instances seen in Costa Rica and Panama, the spiders had built their webs near buildings inhabited by bat colonies. Bat-catching via spiderwebs was also witnessed particularly often in the parks and forests of the greater Hong Kong area. Future research may investigate whether the huge webs that sometimes block the entrances of tropical bat caves in east and southeast Asia and the neotropics may occasionally snag any members of the giant swarms of bats thatemerge from the caves at night.”

Ok. WHAT. THE. ENTIRE. FUCK????

(courtesy livescience.com)

(courtesy livescience.com)

Waaaaaaait for it ….

COME THE FUCK ON!!

COME THE FUCK ON!!

Poor Batman ...

Poor Batman …

You know, there really is nothing more to say on this subject except this: I smell the plot of the next Batman movie.

*shudders*

 

julesagray

Posts

It's a personal challenge. That's how I'm spinning it. However, the real reason I'm doing this is because I enjoy looking like a sweaty hog while trying to maintain a little dignity and grace--and writing about every gory detail. Oh, and I like chocolate and Larry David, but not together together. Ahem.

84 responses to McCrabass + Bat-eatin’ spiders = FUN!

  1. 

    Holy this-is-way-fucked-up, Batman!

  2. 

    Those poor bats. I feel so sad for them. Those photos will scar me forever, and not in a good way. What kind of twisted evolutionary madness produces these freak spiders, anyway?? It’s just all kinds of wrong.

    Having said that, way to guest blog, sister. High five.

  3. 

    For once I’m happy to live in Ohio. I’m pretty sure Cleveland is not known for its bat-catching spiders. Then again, it’s not known for much…

  4. 

    Africa is filled with all sorts of scream inducing creepy crawlies. I give thanks today that we don’t seem to have these.

  5. 

    So Spiderman kills Batman…..and Joker ran away?

  6. 
    Ashley Austrew March 18, 2013 at 7:51 pm

    This just ruined my life.

  7. 

    It’s really hard to figure out just who to root for in this one: the bat or the spider. I think it’s time to call on Wonderwoman — wasn’t she an Amazon? She’s probably had practice.

  8. 

    Fortunately, it’s too damn cold here to worry about warm-weather spiders.
    Effing winter…

  9. 

    AHHHHHHHHHHHH!
    Sorry, I fucking hate spiders. And I especially hate spiders that eat bats, batman, and the like.

  10. 
    writerwendyreid March 18, 2013 at 9:58 pm

    I am also terrified of spiders and have written a post on it http://wendysworksdotcom.wordpress.com/2012/12/10/1243/. Those pics are just fucking gross. And I kill every 8-legged motherfucker I find in my house because that’s MY territory bitches. :-P

  11. 

    How did you get bitten by a Black Widda Spider? Were you arguing politics with it?

  12. 

    Have I told you before I was bitten by a brown recluse spider & lost a chunk of my big toe because of it? The brown recluse spider shoots venom into its prey to necrotize (make the flesh rot) it. I had to have a chunk of my toe amputated because to clear out dead tissue caused by the bite. The worst part is it’s right on the top of my foot at the base of my big toe – right where every fashionable shoe rubs! So my footwear choices are flip flops or shoes that cover the entire top of your foot (like clogs). Shudder!

  13. 

    It would be interesting to see who would win in a fight of Batman Vs Spiderman, that’s for sure.

    I’m glad to be in the UK were lethal spiders are much fewer in number, and I’m suddenly very glad that I’m really unlikely to go to Ghana now!

    • 

      Do they not have poisonous spiders in England? Oh wait.. you have Irishman–hahaaa!

      • 

        Worse, we have Welsh, Scots, Cornish, Scouse, Geordie, Mancunian, Cockney, West Country, Potters and Brummies. I could go on, but I’ve run out of names of places of people I could try to offend!

        However, true fact coming up: I used to live in Chester, which is in the North-West of England and on the border with Wales. The town hall clock only has 3 clock faces on it, because true Cestrians won’t give the Welsh the time of day…

  14. 
    The Unbearable Banishment March 19, 2013 at 6:56 am

    You say hallucinating in the Cedars-Sinai ER for about 12 hours like it’s a bad thing. I used to pay real money to get to that place.

    It could be worse. They could be baby-catching spiders. Just sayin’.

  15. 

    Totally freaky…BATS THAT EMERGE IN SWARMS! I’d be paying the spiders to eat the fuckers. Holy crap….

  16. 

    Spiders don’t really scare me…bats are kinda freaky…that was brutal…I wouldn’t mess with that spider!

  17. 

    I’m a little bit sadder to know that such a creature exists. Not to shoot the messenger or anything — I know you had nothing to do with the creation of this awful thing, julesagray — but curse you for messing with my blissful ignorance!

  18. 

    Holy Smokes Batman! Now that’s a BIG spider.

  19. 

    good post

  20. 

    I was busy thinking unkind thoughts about the current weather (-15, which in Americanian is 4), but if that’s the price to be paid for relatively tiny spiders, I’m quite content to host rooftop glaciers. I’m quite against the eating of bats, who in a local context do great service by eating a million zillion mosquitoes each night of the summer, and also if they can nab bats it’s only a matter of time before they realize the relative ease of making off with baby carriages.

  21. 

    Can you recommend a realtor in Antarctica? I’m outta here.

  22. 

    I’ll deal with the huge flying roaches here in the summer – but those spiders – shiver.

  23. 

    *insert gigantic shudder here*

  24. 

    Those spiders are out of order, oh no we cannot have them killing off the bats, is there a Vampire in the house? :) I hope that you are having a wicked week Madame Weebles and hey have you checked your inbox, there is a spider, I mean a bat, noooo just an invite somewhere in there so grab it and weeble on over to my Dragon Cave :) lmao xxxx

  25. 

    Spiders… yeah… awesome. They creep me out like nothing else in this world, except maybe sharks. I grew up in an area prevalent in black widows so learned from a very young age to keep a healthy distance from the crawling destroyers of the world (and super heroes, apparently)… I think most of my fear stems from having my mom freak out when she found a large widow walking through our house very near to where I was playing. I don’t remember much from that age of my life, but I remember that in vivid detail. While I cannot escape living in areas that have bat catching spiders (no plans for Antarctica here) I do believe I will avoid the tropical areas where these monstrosities are more likely to be found.

  26. 

    We definitely have those spiders here in Mississippi, but never seen a bat in their webs…really hope they don’t catch on to this trend, cause I sure need those bats for mosquito control.

  27. 

    Across the interwebs, I heard the sound of someone saying “creepy” and assumed I was being summoned. Can I assist with something? My rates are entirely reasonable.

  28. 

    *breathing deeply into paper bag*

  29. 

    Jules, I fucking hate you for this. Spiders give me the heebie jeebies. I know, I’m a puss. I’m convulsing. I love you, but I hate you.

  30. 

    Holy nightmares! Yowza. Those are nasty.

  31. 

    Am I the only fucker who thinks that’s really cool……a spider…catching a bat……’tis the very essence, surely?

  32. 

    I think this post should keep me hyperventilating for weeks to come. Thanks!

  33. 

    Insane! I live in Australia, and we have some big spiders, and I in turn have a healthy respect for spiders big or otherwise… But I have never seen a spider eat a bat. Wow… o.O Great post.

  34. 

    No such spiders here Madam… are you ok?… Your mum? XXX

  35. 

    Now I’m completely and utterly freaked out (and it’s bed time here in deepest, darkest Africa!). How am I supposed to sleep now? I have an inbred fear of spiders and any of that size and nature will be the one thing on this planet that can make me scream like a real girl.

    PS – to my dearest, loveliest Madame Weebles, may I please ask you a huge favour. Pixels (my newest little rescue kitten) has entered a competition where she can win 1 years worth of kitten food. She’s entered so that she can donate the prize to the shelters here who are inundated with kittens desperate for food. Please could you hop onto our latest post and vote for her. She needs hundreds of votes. Each time she hits 1st place, the other kitty gets another 100 odd (in the matter of minutes). I believe she is making email addresses to vote with but I refuse to lower myself to that. I want Pixels to win fair and square but we need hundreds of votes before midnight tomorrow evening. As, probably, the most popular person I know, I hereby send out my plea and call to arms for the sake of the orphaned, abandoned and helpless kittens (no bribery :D or guilt :D or anything). If you could help us, we would be eternally grateful.

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