Fuck you, fat shamers

Madame Weebles —  July 14, 2013 — 215 Comments

Hey you. Yeah, you, the douche with the stupid facial hair and the cliché barbed-wire tattoo and the “No Fat Chicks” t-shirt. And you teenage girls with the bitch faces sneering at the overweight girl in your class. And you, chain-smoking fashion editor who’s asking the photo retoucher to make that size 0 model look a little thinner. Oh, and I haven’t forgotten you, evil Internet troll who makes vicious, sick comments about how fat people should die.

You’re all deplorable imitations of human beings. All of you. Who are you to judge? What makes you such experts on beauty? Or experts on ANYTHING, for that matter?

When did it become socially acceptable to discriminate and openly hate because someone is heavy? I must not have received that email. And spare me your pathetic justification that “fat is unhealthy.” As if you really give a shit about anyone’s health. And spare me the argument that obesity will jack up your healthcare bill. That’s the lamest thing I’ve ever heard. As if obesity is the sole cause of illness, and as if people with “healthy” BMI have no unhealthy habits.


I am overweight. Fat, even. And you know what? I have just as much right to walk down the street as you do, dickwads. Being overweight—by 5 pounds or 100 pounds—is not a crime. If it offends you that much, then you’re one with the problem. You find me unattractive because I’m fat? Fine, you’re entitled to your opinion there. I might find someone unattractive because they have a stupid haircut or an annoying voice or whatever. I don’t spend time wishing them dead because of it. Reassess your priorities, motherfuckers.

You don’t care that we might be great people. We might be wonderful friends, excellent parents, talented, creative, kind, funny, interesting individuals. But who cares about that? We have committed the mortal sin of not conforming to your aesthetic sense because of our size. Do you have any idea how STUPID that is??

The first time I was targeted because of my weight was when I was about 5 or 6 years old, at summer camp. I wasn’t even fat then, just a little plumper than the other kids my age. I was also about a foot taller than the other kids my age but that didn’t matter. All that mattered was that I wasn’t skinny like the other girls. So I learned very early about how cruel you can be. And it was all downhill from there. I’ve heard probably every comment an overweight person can hear. Nothing you people do surprises me anymore. Even the scumbag woman on the bus who shoved me and said, “Out of my way, fat bitch.”

It would be impossible for me to sufficiently describe how vile and contemptible I think you fat shamers are; there simply isn’t enough server space in the world to hold all those words. You sicken me with your vitriol and your smug holier-than-thou attitudes. You, who have so, so many fatal flaws, think you’re entitled to point fingers at us?? Fuck you. Our weight is NONE OF YOUR FUCKING BUSINESS. Take your hatred and your shaming and shove it up your asses. Better yet, choke on it. You are uglier than any overweight person could ever be.


Ahhhhh, that felt good! I wrote this to kick off a very special week that starts tomorrow at The Outlier Collective. Tune in for a full week of bloggers writing about issues relating to body image, body acceptance, fat shaming, etc. As you can imagine, these are issues near and dear to my heart, hips and thighs, and I’m so happy to have seven wonderful women sharing their perspectives. Please join us!

215 responses to Fuck you, fat shamers


    Thank you for this, Madame! I couldn’t agree more. I have taught my children that the word FAT is not to be used in our home. They are never to describe someone as FAT. They are 19 and 17 and still do not use that word. :)


      Thanks, brickhousechick, but actually one of the things I feel strongly about is that “Fat” is not a dirty word. It’s nothing to be ashamed’of, just as being heavy is nothing to be ashamed of. It’s when “Fat” is equated with bad, lazy, stupid, dirty, etc—that’s when it’s a problem.

      petthespacefishies July 16, 2013 at 2:35 pm

      Such a good thing to teach. We banned the word ‘gay’ as a derogatory term, and they might use it with their mates to be ‘cool’, but they never use it at home. Tagging an adjective as ‘bad’ affects everyone, and just perpetuates the prejudice.


    Here here! I too am overweight. I’m thinking of getting one of those “No Fat Chicks!” and adding in a comma so it reads: “No, Fat Chicks!”


    “Take your hatred and your shaming and shove it up your asses. Better yet, choke on it. You are uglier than any overweight person could ever be.” Especially that last sentence. Amen.


    Yale did a survey some years back, and here is what they found: “The 4,000 respondents in varying numbers between 15% and 30% also said they would rather walk away from their marriage, give up the possibility of having children, be depressed, or become alcoholic rather than be obese. Five percent and four percent, respectively, said they would rather lose a limb or be blind than be overweight.” And more recently, another study concluded that the majority of women would rather give up sex for three months than be 10 pounds overweight. Disgusting, really.

    Oh, and I find it interesting that many of the men who wear “no fat chicks” shirts are bald, have a beer gut, and usually dress like they’re going to a NASCAR race. I once heard a guy joke that he liked “chicks with eating disorders because you know they’ll never get fat.”


      That is astonishing to me, that the fear of being overweight is THAT intense that people would be willing to give up so much else. Crazy fuckers.

      It reminds me of pretty much every female celebutard who says, “I’m not FAT, I’m just pregnant.” Because you know, being fat is truly a fate worse than death—they wouldn’t want anyone to mistakenly believe that they were overweight.


      Also, you’re right about the guys with the fear of fat chicks—they’re usually the most disgusting, unappealing men on earth. I guess the irony is lost on them.


    There you are! WTF, Weebs! Don’t get me all addicted to your hilariousness and whatnot and then disappear for almost two weeks.

    My mother, both sisters and both nieces all deal with this same issue and have suffered the same rude treatment from the same cruel pigs you’ve encountered. I’m going to make this post mandatory reading for all of them. (Well…not mom. She’s playing a harp in heaven where she is no longer judged by her appearance.)

    Our mini blogger-convention with Daisyfae was a highlight of my summer. For real. You are an absolute delight. I feel sorry for anyone who passes judgement without first chatting you up.


      That is an extremely kind thing to say! I like to think I’m worth taking the time to talk to, but not everyone is as open-minded as you are, alas. Sorry to hear that your female relatives deal with the same problems. Cruel pigs are everywhere and don’t seem to be going extinct anytime soon.


        I didn’t say it to be kind. I said it because it’s true.

        Here’s something coincidental and not at all funny. I just did a post two days ago about how I spotted two girls on the R train who were so pretty I assumed they had to be idiots. It turned out not to be the case. I chastised myself for passing judgement based on their looks. I am a work in progress but I’m trying, trying, trying.


    Great piece! I just watched a movie last night called The Fat Boy Chronicles and it brought back some bad memories. I was upset at how well it turned out for the kid in the movie though. He lost weight and got the girl who liked him all along anyway, which sends an even worse message. “You’re good as you are, but still, please lose some weight.” When I lost weight in high school I didn’t get the girl. I had one girl say “He’s not that gross” which was pretty good.

    Do you think it’s such a huge part of the population that discriminates? I mean really discriminates like will treat someone like less of a human being. I think it’s more younger people and certain elitists and like you said, entitled, folk who are the problem. We’re all more concerned about our own appearance than we are others. That’s not necessarily good, but I think it’s better to be a harsh critic to yourself than to others, especially for such shallow things.


      I fucking hate movies like that where the guy or girl loses weight and THEN has all kinds of luck romantically, because the moral of the story is, you’re not worth dating unless you’re thin.

      I don’t think it’s a huge part of the population, but the people who do discriminate are so vocal about it. And a lot of it is really subtle, you wouldn’t necessarily notice it at first. For example, here’s a minor but subtle example of it—at the place I get my hair cut, I saw chicks wearing these really groovy robes that the salon gives you to change into. I never got one of those robes, I always got an ugly smock but I figured it was just random. It wasn’t until I had been there a few times that I realized that those nice robes were only worn by the thinner women. The robes for us plus-sized gals were these ugly smocks. Because you know, fat clients aren’t worth coughing up a few extra pennies for, just give them tents to cover up.

      That’s a REALLY minor example but it’s so pervasive on so many levels, and it blows.


    I didn’t like hearing about the lady who shoved you — infuriating! It would be nice if people spent more time expanding their minds instead of criticizing others for the way they look.


      It would be nice, wouldn’t it, Sandee? Yeah, I wasn’t thrilled with that woman either. I’ve heard a lot of nasty comments in passing, but she surprised me because she was an older woman, well dressed and seemed—SEEMED—to be a classy broad. I should know better than to go by appearance though, shouldn’t I??


    it seems to me the ones who judge or talk the loudest are the ones who are hiding something or are ashamed of something. kind of like the cheater who starts to become paranoid the significant other is doing something wrong as a way of projecting his or her own behavior onto someone else. another example would be those who are soooooo anti-gay but then turn around and come out of the closet lol. ridiculous. people are really ridiculous when it comes to body image. i do happen to be overweight but people seem to focus more on the fact that im 4’8″ lol. oh the comments i’ve received. granted… for some reason that’s wained some in recent years but i imagine that once i live in a big city again, i’ll get more crap. your comment near the end also makes me think of that movie “the war” with kevin costner and elijah wood. at one point this overweight black girl tells one of the local bullies “i can always lose weight, but you’ll always be ugly.” haha. great line. great post!


      You’re right, Stormy—I’m sure a lot of them are focusing on the things they dislike the most about themselves, or the things they fear the most. Either way it’s obnoxious. I’m sorry you’ve had to deal with assholes making comments about your height. What fucking difference should it make to anyone? And regardless of whether we’re short, tall, thin, fat, whatever—they’ll always be ugly.


    Whenever I see a “no fat chicks” shirt, I want to go all P.E.T.A and throw a bucket of blood on the person wearing it. I don’t think I’ve ever been considered a fat chick, but who cares– we’re all in this universe together, and the last thing we need is our apparel to be viciously back-stabbing people at random. Shaming someone because of how they look– well, that’s awful, plain and simple– and it doesn’t just hurt that person, it hurts all of us, because it diminishes us as a species to be applaud small-mindedness.

    As for people who shove on buses, in my experience, they’re just as quick to be racist, sexist, or just outright mean. They’re full of hate on the inside. I don’t think it’s about fat specifically. They just hate for the sake of hating.

    I’m sorry for 5-year-old-you, but please know that if you had been in school with me, I would have only judged you by your ability to learn to make daisy chains. :)


      You’re a good’un, rarasaur. You’re right about the dumbass on the bus—she probably would have capitalized on whatever obvious characteristic she could latch onto, whether it was my weight, my height, my color, etc.

      When we were 5, I would have needed you to teach me how to make daisy chains because I still don’t know how!


        I was always happy to pass on important daisy-chain-making knowledge, and am to this day. Just come on by, I’ll put on some tea.

        I really remember liking most everyone except for the people who couldn’t get through the daisy-chain-making process without eating them! xo! Rara


    I have this happening to a friend at the moment, She’s coming visit for a week to take time out from job hunting. The only time she can get a job is though phone interviews. It’s bloody disgraceful that she’s treated this way and I’m ready to punch someone….


      I’d be happy to hold them down while you punch them, Dianne. That’s heartbreaking that she’s going through that. People who choose not to hire someone because of their size are just as hateful as those who discriminate on anything else—race, gender, etc.


    This nicely sums it up what people are missing out:

    Dustin Hoffman on TOOTSIE and his character Dorothy Michaels


    And I don’t mean to say that I find plus-sized people unattractive. What you wrote just reminded me of that video.


    I’ll be interested to see what’s shared this week, Weebs, looking forward to it. Do you find that fat shaming has gotten worse and more frequent lately? Or is it on the decline as our collective waistlines expand? To me, it seems like there’s a definite opinion shift out there with more and more speaking their truths and embracing their size (and others’), even coming in droves to the defense of publically shamed women (the meteorologist, Melissa McCarthy…), but I think the Internet and social media definitely allow the trolls to bully and taunt from the anonymity of their computers. And still most of us grapple with body image issues–even Lada Gaga dropped her gained weight after scrutiny, and was strutting around in her bra, ribcage protuding, on downtown streets–sigh. What happened to “I’m born this way?”

    Thanks for writing this one. Loved every word.


      That’s a good question, Christy—I’m not sure if it’s getting worse or declining. Ironically, I think it’s getting worse WHILE we’re getting heavier as a society, and even as greater numbers of people embrace their size. I agree that the Internet allows people to be bullies anonymously, but there are so many socially accepted ways of discriminating against heavy people. Parents and schools shaming overweight children, the media, even the AMA, who I usually agree with, is buying into it by classifiying obesity as a disease. And Lady Gaga and other female celebrities being scary thin. That’s not fucking helping.


    This reminded me of a great quote from Adele when she was asked about her weight in an interview. She replied- “I make music for the ears, not for the eyes.’ which shut the interviewer up. Why should people be judged on their weight? You can have a few extra pounds and still be more successful than every little skinny bitch in the world. People who judge someone on their weight are the ugly ones because they have ugly personalities if they consider their ridiculous opinions viable!


      Amen, Bennie. Poor Adele—she took such a beating from the media, and for what??? Because she isn’t thin? She has a great voice, who the fuck cares what she looks like? I happen to think she’s gorgeous but it’s amazing how many vultures zeroed in on her size. And you’re right, you can be heavy and successful. Thinness doesn’t equate to success or happiness or anything else.


    Yea! What everyone and you have said….yea! I’ll be reading this week. I remember when I was trying to find a job. I was 40 and overweight. Just divorced from a narc. I could NOT find a job. They all went for the young, slim ones. As one said on the phone. “You have a great personaliity and all the skills we need, but, well you are over qualified we thought.” Translation….You are too fat. It had me down for weeks. Then I said screw it. And talked my way into a great job.


      Ugh. I’m sorry, Jackie. That blows. I would have been down too. I’ve been very lucky in that I’ve been offered every job I interviewed for, even when I’ve been heavy. I realize that it could have been very different. I’m glad you found your way to a great job—I hope the places that didn’t hire you get the karma they deserve.


    Yeah, fuck them all. What an awesome post. I knew I had to read once I saw it in my FB feed. And I can’t wait for the OC body image week…


    “As if you really give a shit about anyone’s health.”

    I’ve had my fair share of this, and it follows you for a long, long, long time.


      It truly does, Corvidae. If I had a nickel for every time a doctor said to me, “Well, if you just lost weight…” as if that was a magic bullet solution to everything. And people who spew venom under the guise of concern for the health of fat people—it’s so many different levels of wrong, I don’t even know where to begin. I’m sorry you’ve been there too, and I sympathize.


    Bully talk. It’s time to break the vicious circle of pain and shaming. Bring it, Madame Weebles. Can’t wait to see the Outlier Collective this week!


    I bet that did feel good, Weebs! A World-class rant about a cultural obsession proffered by the media, the entertainment industry and fashion where no one is immune to its demands for the “perfect body.” I hope this post reaches a few of those people who engage in weight prejudice and opens their eyes and hearts to the damage it does.


    Too many people get their jollies tearing down others. Ya’ just want to shout “Hey, idiot, who made you judge of the universe?”
    Too many want to wave that finger in other people’s faces and look all righteous down their nose.
    It’s none of their business what anyone else does. Society would be so much better if it reverted back to “Mind your own Business” and “If you can’t say something nice, say nothing at all. Just shut it.”
    Sorry. Just totally fed up with know-it-alls trying to run everyone else’s lives when their own house is burning down.


      I know, Karen. It shouldn’t surprise us, I suppose—I mean, look at how many people want to legislate so many things about women’s bodies. Why would people not want to control our weight too?


    Thank you so very much!!!!! Count me among the more than zaftig women. I know why I am fat, I try like hell to not let it get me down, while I do the work on the why. People who are fat shamers must be miserable inside to be able to exude that much hate.


      I’m right there with you, M2M. I too am working on the why, and although I’ve lost about 25 pounds, I’m still zaftig and will be for some time to come. I agree that fat shamers and all other people who have that much venom for people who are “different” are probably miserable, and I should pity them but I don’t.


    Madame- you rocked it! Woo hoo! Tell ‘em where to get off. I dare any single on of those fat shamers to live through even half of the shit I grew up in (verbal and sexual abuse) and not be screwed up at least a little bit. And I’m not an alcoholic, do drugs, have money issues or abuse my kid. Fuck you fat shamers! Judging that which you have no fucking idea about. People don’t just choose to be morbidly obese. There are always reasons!!


      Hi Persephone! Seriously, these people are bitching about someone having extra weight? When there are so many other things that are more worthy of scrutiny? I’m sorry you had to deal with so much shit when you were growing up, that’s so sad. Food is great for comforting, isn’t it? It might not be the ideal way to self-soothe but fuck, a person has to do something. There *are* always reasons, just as there are always reasons for alcoholism, drug abuse, etc. Food happens to be my addiction. It’s just that it’s obvious, whereas alcohol and drug addiction isn’t as overtly physically visible.


    What triggered this post? Was the bus incident recent? Meanwhile, lots of supportive points in the comments! Cheers …. and enjoy the cheeseburger …. now go enjoy some Graeter’s! ;)


      Hiya Frank! I wrote this as a way of introducing a special week over at The Outlier Collective, 7 days of posts on body image and body acceptance. Nothing triggered this post, fortunately, although these feelings have been bubbling in my brain for quite some time. The bus incident happened a few years ago—I’ve actually heard far worse than what she said, but I think what surprised me about her was that she was an older, elegantly dressed lady, I wouldn’t have expected that sort of thing from her. But this is why we shouldn’t judge books by covers, right? Will think of you next time I have some Graeter’s, of course!


    J, I’ve seen you on your blog and on another’s and you ARE NOT fat– WTF? I can’t imagine a person who would say that to you….That person is the one with a problem, not you. And I don’t think most people are like that. It’s difficult to measure up to a standard of being this or that today’s society. Just know that most of the people (who matter) don’t judge a person for being a size 0 or whatever. It’s the essence of who you are, the words that you write, that matters. You are a beautiful soul with a voice — that’s what matters.

    Much love, Brigitte


      Oh, dear Brigitte, thank you. You’re most kind. However, you’ve seen me only from the neck up! But you’re right, people who matter don’t judge me because I’m not a size 0.


    I cant wait to read the series.


    And what did the scumbag woman say after you’d broken her nose?


    Weebs, I agree with you completely. I’m thin and always have been, that’s the way I was made. Other people are made differently. It would be a very boring world if everyone was alike. I’m seen skinny women I thought were beautiful and fat women I thought were beautiful.

    But I’m a smoker so maybe that makes my opinion not matter. The thing is I think as long as I keep my smoking away from others it is no one’s business. There are always people who want to control what others do and then those, who are the worst, who can only feel better about themselves if they can find something, anything, that makes them feel superior.


      So true, Mr. Oliver. That’s the biggest issue, isn’t it, that people want to exert control on others, for all kinds of fucked up reasons. People will say all sorts of things to smokers, overweight people, etc, and say it’s a *health* issue. When we all know they could not care less about our health, they just want to control things.


        Yep, I really believe a stranger cares so much about my health. Heck, there are people who know me that don’t even care about my health. :)
        Seriously though, they may give lip service to diversity but what they want is conformity. And conformity allows no disparity. Until society truly learns to celebrate the differences in people, there will always be a struggle for acceptance by anyone who doesn’t meet the standards of their ideal person.


    My best friend isn’t the skinniest person in the world, and I always have to stick up for her. I think I’ll show her this, maybe she’ll gain a little more confidence. I honestly love you and all your fucking posts, they just make my day.


    FUCK YES Miss Weebles! Coming this week my Fourth of Juplyaya Blog
    Moi Dancing Naked on the bar top. El Guapo. Weebles… it is time….. It’s coming atcha and no eye bleach can stop it!
    I’m 51 and STILL Dance naked on top of the bar: 5’2″ tall and 170 pounds and sexy as hell.
    In my head. You see that too Weebles. No, not ME sexy and curvy in your head… YOU that way in your beautiful head :)


    Preach it, sister! I’ve been hearing that same song since I was about 7 or 8 years old. It colors how you see the world.


    There is a fine line between fat and unhealthy. When someone’s weight becomes unhealthy, it does become everyone’s business – because society cares about that person and wants them to be ok and healthy and live a long time.


      It’s a very nice sentiment, to think that society cares about us and wants us to be healthy and live for a long time, but I don’t believe that’s what’s happening, eyeLaugh. I don’t quite buy the argument that anyone really cares so much about our health. For starters, being a nasty douche has never been a good method of persuasion. Secondly, even when fat *does* become unhealthy, how does that warrant societal interference more than, say, when someone of average size gets diabetes? Or heart disease? Or anything else? The bottom line is, it’s not anyone’s business except the person’s. And treating fat people like lepers or mocking us isn’t quite the way to win us over anyway.


      Actually, there is no fine line between fat and unhealthy. Skinny people get sick, fat people are not always sick. There is no line, only assumptions.


    Can’t wait to see TOC posts on body image. I loved the feminist series.

    I don’t think there should be shaming of any kind when it comes to women or mens bodies. Acceptance for all shapes and sizes should be what we are striving toward.

    I often get ‘skinny-shamed’ and have lately been experiencing a bit of bullying from older (and heavier) co-workers because I am thin. And it’s often dismissed by others because I’m skinny rather than being teased or shamed for being fat.


      Hi Daile! I hope you had a chance to visit TOC today to read the first of 7 great posts. I’m sorry you get skinny shamed, that isn’t right either. I’m sure it must be difficult for you to get people to take the problem seriously. As if being bullied hurts less because you’re thin, or that it’s less wrong because the target is thin instead of fat.


        Heading over to check out Goldfish’s post now. I just wish we could live in a world where any shaming is unacceptable (fat, skinny, slut etc) but I know that is probably unrealistic because there are a lot of assholes out there!
        But maybe bit by bit we can educate and help some changes happening.


    As i sunned myself on a Mediterranean beach this weekend, i was feeling a bit awkward exposed as i was in a swimsuit. A full coverage rig, with the little skirt to shield some of my butt fat.  But i wouldn’t have missed swimming those waters for any amount of shame.  Seeing the beautiful, young Turkish women in their bikinis made me feel like a beached whale – no one shaming me but myself, though.  i was delighted, however, when a troupe of German tourists arrived.  Women (and men) of all shapes and sizes in bikinis and speedos enjoying that sunshine without any apparent concerns about having the perfect beach body.  Fuck fat shaming – a lesson i need to teach myself.


      daisyfae, you pretty thing – mind and body from what I’ve seen. Please get busy with that lesson.


      I had a similar experience when I was in Greece. First I saw the topless young Greek women with great bodies, and I felt like a beached whale in my one-piece. Then the older Greek women and women of other nationalities came out with their bodies of varying shapes and sizes, etc, and I felt better. Having met you in person, though, I can say you’re a hot tamale.


        i have a friend currently living in Germany.  She swears that going to ‘everybody naked’ facilities is the best things for our brains – we learn that ‘we’re in the middle’.  that there will always be people with ‘better’ bodies, and always be people with ‘worse’ bodies, so we should just stop fucking worrying about it and enjoy the sunshine, body scrub, naked swimming or whatever we’re doing….


          She’s absolutely right. In the end, I think I’d be upset by not having enjoyed those things rather than happy at having successfully hidden myself. I’ll have to work on this.


      How to get a bikini-body? Put on a bikini. That’s it.


        I have a slight addendum to that. Put on a bikini that fits properly. Not for anyone else’s benefit but your own. Having worn a swimsuit that was too small once was more than enough for me to ensure that I did not repeat the experience. I’d much rather be comfortable than fashionable.


          Yes, a bikini your size. I thought that would be implied.


            So you would think, but not everyone’s mind works like that. I used to be friends with a girl who when a (UK) size 14 would deliberately buy and wear the size 12 “Because she could get into it” without thinking about how if she’d bought the correct size, it would fit better, flatter better, be more comfortable and therefore make her feel better about wearing it, and also, because it wasn’t being stretched, it would last longer. Sadly she was the dominant personality in the friendship so I couldn’t explain this little theory of mine, and in the end, when I moved away, I didn’t keep in touch because it was less stressful that way.


              Some want to fool themselves – “Look, I’m a size 12″ – why? Again -. body image .. and how numbers influence it.


                Replacing the numbers with letters wouldn’t really do any good though. I don’t care what size someone is, it’s not actually any of my business unless I’m living with them and it’s becoming an issue because of how much they do or don’t eat making them ill. I just want to know that the people I know are happy and wear clothes that are comfortable (ie don’t chafe or rub).


                So you tell your friends off for drinking soda? Eating burgers?
                I hope you tell them off, too, when they exaggerate sports, go into clubs where they play music so loud that it damages the hearing and have sex without condoms :P You have to, you are sooo concerned about their health, aren’t you? And you tell them off for being with stressful friends – stress is very bad for your health, isn’t it?
                Come on, think again – you have NO SAY in their choice of food. Period.


                I’m going to ask you to please mind your tone here, Fran. I know faithhopechocolate and you can disagree with her all you want, but do so respectfully. Thank you.


                Oh yes, sorry, though I do not remember getting foulmouthed. But if somebody tells me she is telling her friends when they eat something against their health I just wanted to know if she goes the whole way and tells them other dangers, too, or if she stops at eating -. which would be fat shaming!


                Did you actually read what I said? I said it’s not my business what someone does or does not eat, unless I am living with them and it has become dangerous to their health.

                As I am a novice in a religious community, if someone is deliberately making themselves ill through ignoring dietician/doctor advice or ignoring medication, then by doing that, they make it the business of the community, because living in a Religious Community runs by different rules to someone living in their own house by themself. As a novice, I still cannot make any decisions for that Sister, only Professed Sisters (who have taken Vows and are therefore members of Chapter, the Order’s governing body) have the ability to vote on whether a person should or should not leave the community for the sake of their health.

                So I would appreciate it if you could actually take back this comment.


                Yes, I will, as different rules apply to those who live in religious communities. Or if it was a child you were talking about – not an adult.
                I am not meaning harm, I just cannot stand patronizing. It is no patronizing in your situation, now, that I know where you are coming from.

                If it was a flatmate or a lover or a husband I’d stay with my words, though. Those make their own decisions and if we really feel responsible for one reason or the other we have to comment an ALL dangerous behaviour, not eating alone. That was my point.
                Sorry, if I was a little harsh. I am german, we are not known for our gentle and polite disagreeing.


                Regardless of my being in a religious community, you still didn’t fully understand what I said. I said “dangerous to health”. By your response, you’d say nothing, which leads me to conclude that if your spouse/lover/flatmate was diabetic and stuffing themselves full of sugar, you’d sit there and not say anything. Or if your spouse/lover/flatmate had an eating disorder and wasn’t eating and had lost so much weight they were actually in danger of organ failure, you’d say nothing.

                Isn’t that irresponsible? Do you want the spouse/lover/flatmate to kill themself? Do you want to come home to a dead body in the living room?

                If a person is living with another person, it is irresponsible of both of them not to be aware of any health issues that the other may have. It is also disrespectful of whatever the relationship might be too. If I were a house owner who’d let out a room, I’d respect that person, but I would also hope that they’d respect that I would not wish to find the dead anywhere due to their having abused their health.


                Dear faithhopechocolate, I was together with an alcoholic for 13 and half years – and trust me, there is nothing you change by telling somebody who does not see his problem that he has a problem. All you get is denial.
                Even if the person sees there is a problem and does not want anything to change this, your comments are spoken to a “wall” or to the wind. Those persons do not need a spouse/flatmate/lover to tell them – they need to admit to themselves there is a problem. And as long as they don’t there is nothing you can do for them. Adding hurt (by treating them as if they were children and did not know what they are doing) is of no help. Trust me, been there, done that. If somebody does not want to behave according to his/her problem, there is nothing you can do.
                Of course, if there was immediate danger of death I would have to contact authorities, but even they may not be able to convince a sane person to stop eating sugar. A really drunk person could be taken into custody, a suicidal one as well, but not a person with an eating disorder. There is no way. Not even if we both know where it is going to lead. You cannot stop a smoker from smoking, you can take away his cigarettes, but that is not helpful. No force will be, ever. And a spouse/lover/flatmate is none somebody with self-harming tendencies takes advice from. 13 and a half years have taught me so much.


    My comments keep ending up in spam on most people’s blogs, I hope this one doesn’t! The thing is, even though the percentage of people who are openly discriminative and abusive towards fat/overweight people might not be that big, there are an awful lot of people openly praising slimness and skinnyness, and that’s kind of the same thing. As an example, can you imagine if people went round saying “Oh I’m so pleased that I’m white, look how beautiful I am because I’m white!” They might say they weren’t being racist because they’re not saying that black is bad, but yet I think we would all say they were being racist! That might not be the best example, but, you know what I’m saying.


    I must confess I judge a lot of people, behind their backs, and I certainly will have said someone is fat once (or twice, or many times maybe…) but I would never say it out loud, I would always stay friendly, no matter what someone looks like. I would never say ‘fat bitch’ to someone. Never. Because looks are not what makes someone a bitch.


      Hiya, NBI! Let’s face it, we all say and think things about others, for a lot of reasons. The issue is how you treat people, and if you recognize that a person is not ONLY their looks. And as you said, looks aren’t what makes someone a bitch. Some of the nastiest people I know are really attractive. So there you have it.


    You rock your fierce self Madame Weebles!


    A wonderful post, Madame Weebles. Well-done.


    There tends to be mass movements of people’s prejudices, as one becomes consigned to history, haters have to find another to vent their spewing of bile. These are probably people who could no longer be racist or homophobic so they find another target, and on the bandwagon everyone jumps.


    I was the fat kid in school. And although I’ve dropped most of the weight, I’m still angered by weight comments.
    Nobody is perfect! You’re right: Don’t judge.


      I can absolutely see why weight comments would still anger you—it still resonates with you even though you aren’t heavy anymore, and because you know what it’s like to be the fat kid. If everyone could be the fat kid, or the slow kid, or whatever, just once to see what it feels like, maybe there would be less douchebaggery because people would know how awful it is. Or maybe there would be more douchebaggery because of it. Never mind.


    Holy crow Weebles, that was some blazing righteous indignation, and well placed too. I don’t get when this got fashionable, but it seems to be actually getting worse rather than better. My theory is that because it’s politically incorrect for inherent racists to slag ethnic groups that they’ve moved on to fat people. Racists need their outlets, I guess. Sad, sick and stupid, and I agree with every one of your points. I was actually reading the other day about the actress Katie Featherstone (from Paranormal Activity). Movie scared the living crap out of me, and she was great in it and the (somewhat questionable) sequels. There is an ongoing and maddening thread on IMDB about her slagging her for being large. Fortunately, there are an equal number of people slagging right back against this new wave racism. Seriously, that’s what it is, new wave racism, exploiting the safe things that people can rail against without fear of being ostracized. Bring the anger, Weebles. I love it (fuck, I am losing my neutrality even as I write, I am a poor excuse for a fairweather friend).


    Overweight people can carry themselves with style and dignity, in the way people do.
    Assholes are pretty much always assholes.


    HRH Madame Weebles,
    You know what I think I like best about blogging, and reading blogs? I get to become enamored of people’s minds and personalities!!!

    Fuck the haters.

    –FBG, aka as Sexy Pants, whose pants happen to be just a bit larger than some damn super model’s pants


    I’ll always be here for you, thick or thin!


    Well said, Weebs! I suspect humans have always turned a comparative eye to others as part of survival—is this other person part of my group? A different but friendly group? Or an enemy? But with survival no longer a day-by-day concern for many Westerners, modern society seems to have twisted that survival instinct into something cruel and intolerant.


      That could be…leave it to the archaeologist to have a really thought-provoking and compelling idea about this! I wonder if it IS a holdover anthropologically, that we’ve adapted in this bizarre way. Hmm. You’ve got me thinking now, JM.


    I’m oddly reminded of the great Winston Churchill. A woman said to him “Sir, you’re drunk.” He replied “Yes madam, but in the morning, I will be sober and you will still be ugly.” Or words to that effect.

    Beauty is now being judged on the physical appearance, which to me is just wrong. I think about the boyfriends I’ve had – and none of them could have been called handsome by any stretch.

    Some of my best friends are my friends because what attracts me to them is their personality. One of the Sisters here wants to lose some weight, but I won’t say a word about what she does and doesn’t eat, because it’s none of my business. (In her case it’s definitely for health reasons that she wants to do this.)

    Plus the other thing with over-weight women is that people don’t know about some of the gynacological reasons why women can easily gain weight and find it difficult to lose weight. Polycystic ovaries syndrome, anyone? What about hormone imbalances? Or even having to be on certain medications?

    The world is doing a very good job making it look like we’re already in hell right now, isn’t it?


    I would be gleeful if my bank account would gain weight. A lot.


    Weebs, you didn’t complain or fuss on me for linking to you last time so I’ve taken the liberty of doing it again. Hope you don’t think this one is just nutty.


    Seems I’m late to the party. I’ve been struggling with weight issues all ma life. I’ve never been made fun of for it or been ostracized due to my chunkyness. It is/was just a part of who I am/was. As an adult and after having three very large babies (biggest was 10 pounds at birth. That one hurt. ALOT.) my weight has yoyoed for the past 14 years. I now just concentrate on healthy instead of a number on a scale. Nice post to open an issue that all young women and men struggle with and which plays an integral part on our self-image and self-esteem. We need to take care of how we take care of people, not just ourselves. Perception is very delicate and often skewed. We can’t rely just on a visual impression of others…we need to be less shallow and more supportive. (I just re-read what I posted and I sound very hippie-ish.)


    Weebs, I’m sorry I’m so late to comment here. I read this post days ago, and still all I can say and think is fuck yeah. TOC this week has been amazing, you are amazing, and these fat shamers can shove it up their collective, atrophied from lack of use, dick holes.
    Not a very constructive comment, but I loved this post and couldn’t have said it better.
    Well done.


    I’m fat. That should not bother anyone – and it bothers me only, when I have problems getting clothes my size.
    I have had the odd comment of total strangers about me being fat – from approx. 13 year old boy to approx. 75 year old man (and the latter should have known better at his age) – and they get the proper reply, something along the lines of Churchill: “I am fat – I could go on a diet – I’d be thinner then. You are stupid – you have my sympathy …”


    Madame Weebles, I LOVE YOU!! I mean, I FUCKING LOVE YOOOOOUUU!!! Thank you for this wonderful, touching, funny, and right-on post, mama. I am in awe of you, your (completely justified) ferocity, your intelligence, your tenacity. Oh, fuck it. I JUST LOVE YOU!! All of you. You’re awesome. Fat girls unite!


    You know I can dig it.
    The line “these are issues near and dear to my heart, hips and thighs,” was kind of great, BTW. xo


      I’m tardy in answering these comments on account of I had one of you Canadian types visiting me. I’m glad you liked that line, I was pretty proud of that one myself.

    writerwendyreid July 16, 2013 at 9:31 pm

    Weebly, I’m sorry that you had to face that sort of cruelty and at such a young age. NOBODY has the right to point fingers at anyone else. We are all unique and only people worth our time and attention will see us as we really are, and not by what society deems “acceptable”. Kudos Weebly. I love you. xo


    Ouch. I had no idea. I can tell you this, with the truest of sincerity: the fact that anyone treated you this way, just hurts my heart. The fact that anyone is treated that way… hurts us all. Hug sweet, snarky, wonderful Weebs. Madame.


    A recent lesson…learned the hard way…about following your instincts. A year into the relationship with the one I had been looking for my entire life (52 years and counting); the one I never thought I’d find (after 31 years married to another); the one who brought out feelings and hopes in me I had always dreamed of and never realized until meeting him (through blogging no less); fell hard and true, hearts first (the best way, so he said); continents apart, we meet finally on his shore (such excitement I cannot even describe); to hear the sweet nothings…I’ve never loved anyone as much as I love you, I never dreamed I’d ever find a woman like you, you are so good for me, I want to spend the rest of my life with you, and I’m willing to give up THAT part of my life for you because I’m sorry, you just don’t give me a hard on. Huh? Yeah…like that. So, stupid me hangs on like a pathetic puppy dog, even bringing him here to see if ‘things’ had changed (nope), believing his words (lie…self delusion) of ‘it doesn’t matter…we have something deeper…you are so beautiful on the inside (fucking death knoll right there)…can’t live without you…it’s me not you (oh ffs…seriously?)…why do you make the fact that I don’t desire you in that way so important? (ummmm, geez, I don’t know…maybe because IT IS!)…and so on and so on. Ah well, what’s a fatty to do. Except this…from now on, there are only two words that will come out of this thickly settled woman’s mouth….Fuck You! With a smile of course, ’cause I’m nice like that, and am beautiful on the inside!


    Sorry I’m so late to the party here – just got back from holidays and trying to catch up. Nobody lays it on the line like you do, Madame! Reading your post and the subsequent comments made me sad that there are so many people who have suffered shaming for somebody else’s twisted gratification.

    Those people can only feel self-worth by tearing someone else down in order to appear superior. Those attitudes are becoming more common and accepted, and I lay the blame with media and advertising. It scares me how frequently I’ve seen ads or shows that subtly or overtly say, “If you’re not (fill in the blank), you’re a worthless loser” or worse, “you deserve to be harmed”. It scares me even more how words like “fat” come with those judgements attached.

    I have friends of all shapes and sizes, and I felt terrible the day I referred to myself as “sitting back fat, dumb and happy” when I was lounging around enjoying a beer after a big, delicious meal. Just hearing the word “fat” made my friend flinch even when it wasn’t directed at her. She’s beautiful, funny, smart, and talented, and it nearly broke my heart to see the power of that word over her. Shaming is sad and sick.


    Preach! What a great topic for OC!!! yaayy!


    I’m behind again as usual. Headed to the series now since I’ve recently shed myself of 35 ugly pounds… yes, I still have my head.


    So sorry I’m so far behind in my reading & I’m just coming to this post! I am also fat & I have been discriminated so many times. One of my favorite sayings used to be “I’m fat & you’re ugly. I can diet & change my weight, you’re stuck with your face for life!” I hate the discrimination that comes with being overweight – you must be lazy & dirty if you’re fat! Employers don’t want to hire you because you must be lazy or you’re going to cost more in healthcare! Theatre, sporting event & airline seats are not made for bigger people – do we not enjoy this too? Thanks for the rant!


    Ah geez, I wish we were friends in highschool.


    You, Madame, speak the minds of so many people – so glad I found your blog.


    I was asked recently if I had considered going on a diet… So that I wouldn’t be the ‘fat sister’… Now that my sister is… you know… dying of her cancer… and getting quite thin.
    I have loved reading this series Madame. Thank you so much XO


    Unfortunately fat shaming does work. So did shaming drunks (before AA and with MUCH better success). To accept you means that you no longer care to lose weight. Thanks for being an eye sore.


    Burn him! He’s a troll!
    I don’t care if he fucking floats or not.


    Tough fucking crowd! It seems a bit rude to compare him to a fuckwad, or a troll, or asshole, or any of the other insults here… for speaking his mind. Frankly, the comparisons seem awfully harsh to all the decent fuckwads, trolls and assholes out there. Mike is in his own private Idaho… wait, I like Idaho. There’s got to be a better more original, more deserving name for someone like Mike, without lumping anyone else in there… ?? Weebs, how entertaining that he just discovered your wild and wooly site, only to find himself burned and drowned. I imagine he won’t be visiting again, sad to say.


    Oh man…I was having a hard time getting through this because I kept shouting YEAH….YEAH….what she said…..YEP!!! This is good! I have 4 kids, and 3 of them are girls. My littlest one is chubby. She always has been. She is in 1st grade and has already had a kid tell her she was too fat and needs to lose weight. In my home…I teach my kids that they are perfect EXACTLY as they are. So she was devastated and didn’t know how to handle that. It broke my heart. I was actually nervous about her starting school, because I knew she was going to be judged. Just because of how she looks. I am so sick of this judgement bullshit. To be a parent and know people are looking at her and judging her, and assuming they know exactly how i raise her pisses me off. Why does anyone think they have a right to tell another person how to live, and what to eat, and what the fuck to do!! If more people stopped focusing on what other people are doing, and instead looked at their own stupid faces maybe, just maybe…they could look inward and fix what is wrong with them and stop looking at everyone else. The real reason anyone needs to focus on someone else is because they are too damn scared to look at themselves and see what an asshole they are!!! Sorry this is so long. i am passionate about this subject. I love my little girl so much, and I have seen the most awful things posted about fat kids. I am so sick of it!!! How about acceptance people….what the fuck kind of concept is that. Just accept everyone EXACTLY as they are!!


    This is why I love you my dear. I was a fat kid, normal sized in high school but bigger than my friends so my friend and I named eachother Tubby and Chubby to make sure everyone knew we knew we were fat. I became very heavy towards the end of college then dabbled in anorexia and lost 40 lbs in just oer 4 months. Everyone said how great I looked and asked if I was on the “coke” diet. Diet coke, cigarettes, and booze dont really equal happiness. But I was skinny telling myself I was fat to see how much more weight I could lose. I shamed myself. I have been a size 6 and a size 16. I became addicted to exercise and got in the best shape of my life then I had a baby. In short, I am back to my bigger size. Luckily I am so overwhelmed by motherhood and I live in the burbs so very few people have anything to say about my size. Sorry for the rant. I can relate so much with this topic. And you should know I think you are sensational, smart, and smoking hot. I miss walking the streets of NYC with you making sure douche bags are put in check.


    Innnnerestin’. I haven’t seen Mike back on here since. Damn, and I thought he had a pair.


    I love this ‘fuck you’ ranting session. I imagine it to be very cathartic. I’m jealous I didn’t come up with it. And I couldn’t agree more on fat shaming. It truly is one of the last forms of widely socially acceptable discrimination. Not that other discrimination doesn’t occur in our society. But even the people that I know that abhor racism, sexism, homophobia, etc; still see no issues in fat shaming. It repulses me.

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  1. Friday Foolishness – Leg Warmer Edition | Guapola - July 19, 2013

    […] drubbing wasn’t the only thing going on this week! Madame Weebles grabbed me with a vibrant declaration of war. Revis Edgewater started a new serial, and Becoming Cliche became the envy of all PBS fans! Thanks […]


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