With all due respect to Milton Hershey

Madame Weebles —  August 16, 2013 — 204 Comments

Here’s my problem. It’s about the Hershey bar.

Hershey bar

It’s about this.

Like most other red-blooded Americans, I grew up loving Hershey’s chocolate. Regular Hershey bars, Hershey’s with almonds, Hershey miniatures, Hershey kisses, etc. I wasn’t proud, I’d take any variety that crossed my path.

I was indoctrinated at a young age. As a little kid I visited Hershey, Pennsylvania, and toured the factory. I knew S’mores weren’t complete without a few squares of Hershey’s chocolate. And I saw the commercials proclaiming Hershey’s “the Great American Chocolate Bar.” Mr. Hershey put a lot of effort into creating a delicious, affordable milk chocolate bar for us. He was a true American hero.

Original Hershey bar

Giving America cavities since 1900.

So back to my problem.

After more than 20 years of devotion to Mr. Hershey and his fine products, I went to live in London—a Hershey-free zone. I had to go without my favorite chocolate bars. But you know what they say: if you can’t be with the one you love, love the one you’re with. So I hooked up with Cadbury Dairy Milk chocolate.

My British friend with benefits.

My British friend with benefits.

My relationship with Mr. Cadbury’s confections felt perfunctory. Mechanical. Our encounters were zipless fucks.

One day I received a package from a friend at home who took pity on me and my Hershey-less existence. He sent me a big box of Hershey bars and Oreos (another delicacy not found in the UK). I was in heaven. And I wanted to share my bounty with my flatmates. One was from Malaysia and the other was from Greece. Neither of them had first-hand knowledge of the joy of the Hershey bar, although they had certainly heard about them. It was my responsibility as a good American to show them some confectionery examples of our global superiority. We went into the kitchen to enjoy the contents of my care package. There was a Dairy Milk bar sitting on the table so we added that to our feast.

It would be the first time I ever tasted the two chocolates side by side. I ate a piece of Cadbury’s first and then reached for a Hershey bar, fully prepared to bask in smug contentedness.

In stark contrast to the Cadbury chocolate, the Hershey bar tasted like what I imagine passed for chocolate in the former Soviet Union. It wasn’t creamy, and it tasted sort of sour and “off” compared to the smooth sweet flavor of Cadbury. How had I not noticed this before?

I was horrified. Was America’s favorite chocolate bar nothing but a poser? I glanced at my companions, hoping they hadn’t noticed my confusion and despair. But they had. They looked at me with the sort of wincing pity usually reserved for someone who just got an awful haircut and wants to be reassured that it doesn’t look that bad.

I felt duped. I had spent my whole life in the North Korea of chocolate, unaware that a vast, glorious world of better chocolate was out there. I had drunk the chocolate Kool-Aid. The Chocolate Emperor Had No Clothes.

But I knew I couldn’t swear off Hershey’s completely. Eventually I’d go back home and it would be everywhere. The honeymoon period was officially over but that didn’t mean we couldn’t still be together. Instead of looking at Hershey bars with blind adoration, I’d treat them as longtime foil-wrapped little spouses. And you don’t leave foil-wrapped little spouses just because they aren’t perfect.

Don’t get me wrong, I still keep Cadbury around. I’m only human, for crying out loud.

204 responses to With all due respect to Milton Hershey

  1. 

    as a kid, our auntie came from the states, and she brought us coke cola and some chocalate, nutty choc hershey bars, can still taste it today, it’s texture or something not over rich, you could eat loads of the stuff and not feel heavy, cadburys is fine but it just does not have that bite.

  2. 

    As a Brit (but not just for that reason) I agree that Cadbury is superior to Hershey! But it has to be the Cadbury chocolate that you buy in the UK, not the stuff made under license in the US which isn’t the same. They do have Oreos over here now, and they are very popular! It is Butterfinger bars that I miss from the few years I lived in the US; you can buy them here in certain specialised shops, but they are overpriced, and aren’t in the shops that I generally frequent.

    • 

      I agree, Cadbury in the UK is different from what we get in the US. It really is amazingly yummy. I’m so glad you have Oreos now! I’d be happy to send you a care package of Butterfingers. I love those too. The ones I miss are Smarties. Those are my absolute favorites. And like your experience with Butterfingers, Smarties are available only in certain shops and not usually the ones I go to. You and I should start some sort of US/UK chocolate exchange system, Vanessa. Just think of how it could foster a whole new era of American-British relations.

  3. 

    I’m sorry Weebs. The Europeans do have us beat the fuck down on chocolatemaking. But, chocolate is like sex… even bad chocolate is pretty good.

  4. 

    I am not much of a chocolate person *ducks to avoid scorn and disbelief* but I have to say Cadbury is pretty awesome. I have had Hershey’s in the US and it was like cheap Easter egg chocolate. Sorry…

    • 

      That’s exactly it. Cheap Easter chocolate is what Hershey’s tastes like. It’s just so tragic. So you’re one of those people who isn’t much of a chocolate fan, huh. It’s a good thing I like you, Daile. Otherwise I wouldn’t like you.

  5. 

    Gotta love chocolate in any form … especially the specialty chocolates with ginger, bacon, or orange. YUM! Meanwhile, here’s a soothing moment for you.

    • 

      I’m afraid it’s true, bro. Do a side-by-side taste test one day. But I warn you, have tissues available because you’ll be crying from the depths of your very soul when you learn The Truth.

  6. 

    This post is not vanilla, dammit.

    • 

      No vanilla! Unless it has mix-ins like peanut butter or chocolate or cookie bits. Or unless it’s Haagen-Dazs vanilla, which is pretty freaking awesome. I’m going to put feathers on my aluminum hat to make it fancy. I don’t want my aluminum hat to be vanilla. That’s bullshit.

  7. 

    I lived in England for a semester in college, and was similarly amazed at how damn good their chocolate was. I still miss it. I loved Flake Bars, which you can’t find anywhere here (or if you can, they’re imported and overpriced.) Every time someone I know goes to England, they know to bring me back Flake Bars. My parents brought me back a whole carton of them once. I made them last a very long time. Best souvenir I was ever given.

    • 

      I have the same problem, except for me it’s Smarties and Double Decker bars. Per my exchange with Vanessa above, we should set up a US/UK candy exchange. This way we can have more friends across the pond AND get our fix without having to pay 5 bucks for an imported Cadbury bar. It’s a win-win.

  8. 

    My heart belongs to those Belgiums and their goddamn Godiva, but in this economic times, it’s Hershey’s.

  9. 

    I had the same “problem” when we moved to Switzerland. Yeah, I know, First World Problems.

  10. 

    I ain’t too perticyewlars. I’ll eat yer hershey if’n you don’t wants it!

  11. 

    Now I know what to come armed with if I ever visit America – they may actually let me in with chocolate bribery. I have tasted Hershey’s kisses, my other half bought them back from LA (also got me a baseball tee shirt for some reason, I think it was baseball, who knows) and I’ve always been too afraid to divulge my feelings on them, but now I can let rip! Whenever I see that Friends episode with Monica testing mockolate, I have Hersheys in mind, it had a chalky texture, there was no melting deliciousness. We do have quite a few of yours here now, Oreos, have yet to try them, and I’ve seen peanut Butter Cups which I know many bloggers adore as they all did a mass post about them a year or so ago, they sound like they were concocted by the devil though.

    The Swiss have it wrapped up with Lindor, they are amazing, a round chocolate with an oozing choccy centre. But you’re correct on Double Deckers, they do rule, Lion Bars, Toffee Crisp, Wispa Gold, Crunchie, Bounty – get in my mouth now!

    If you ever need me to play Anthony Hopkins to your Anne Bancroft like in 84 Charing Cross Road in reverse let me know. I can organise a fly over to drop food parcels over America, I can’t bear the suffering.

    I have to send crisps to Australia for my friends, don’t know why, their snacks were awesome. And their chocolate was great too, Cherry Ripes standing out, so they send those to me once a year.

    I honestly rarely eat chocolate and I’m waxing lyrical about it, obviously been denying myself.

    • 

      I thought about that when I first saw the mockolate episode of Friends too! That was a few years after I was in London and I thought of my tragic findings. No melting deliciousness. I’m not a huge fan of Reese’s peanut butter cups. Mr. Weebles doesn’t understand that at all, but I don’t like them all that much. Although they just came out with a dark chocolate covered peanut butter cup, and those are really good.

      Double Deckers, Bounty bars, Smarties, Curly Wurlys… I miss them so. I’d be happy to do an exchange of goodies with but you’ve got all the good stuff there already, not sure what I could send in return.

      As for you rarely eating chocolate, Joe, Joe, Joe…come on, treat yourself. Why not have a nice relaxing break over vodka and Crunchies?

      • 

        I forgot curly wurlies of course! My favourite as a kid. Now you’re talking, combine chocloate with booze. I do make a drink, vodka, creme de cacao dark, milk and ice cream, whizzed in a blender. Not made that in ages, I’ll take a detour on the way home through Kentish Town. There is an off license there called Drinkers Paradise (and they don’t lie) they have all the mixers needed for cocktails that you can’t find in the supermarket.

      • 

        What! What! You don’t like Reeses… and here I thought we were truly meant for each other. I’m all about frozen Reeses. Could binge for days, weeks even. Possibly months. When I went to Australia in college, I took a case of them, rather than exist without them for 3 months. They did not travel well: dried out in the cargo area. Not really a chocolate gal. I know, slap me. But I did have the most amazing chocolate pot de creme last night. And want more today. So it really depends… on a lot of interesting factors. Sweet post Madame. (See, see that?)

    • 

      This is going to sound pretty strange coming from someone who has Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups as part of her blog theme, but — Reese’s are objectively pretty horrible. The chocolate is really low-quality, and the peanut butter is dry and chalky. But they’re what many of us grew up with. I don’t really like Reese’s very much, but I love the idea of Reese’s.

      BTW, if you shoud ever find yourself inside a Trader Joe’s store, they have peanut butter cups that are actually pretty good.

  12. 

    Weebles, I was unaware of and had not thought of this difference before. Chocolate is chocolate in my eyes. I will test this theory of taste difference on my kids. A mound of Cadburys on one side, Hersheys on the other. Then I will let them get at it. While I am happy to contribute to exploration of the topic you have raised, I will however insist that you come over and babysit the three of them for the evening after the chocolate hits their little brains. That will be an experiment in and of itself. When they get hungry again, they may eat you. Anything could happen.

  13. 

    I, too, had that horrible moment when Hershey’s sandy texture was revealed to me. It’s a fake. Have you ever tried a Cadbury crumble stick? You crumble it over some vanilla ice cream. Or, better yet, open a peanut butter jar and crush some over the top. Then, get a tea spoon and lightly skim the surface. Deliciouso. I took my daughters to Hershey park last year. Interesting history but I was sick of the smell by the time we left. I still eat it if it’s at arm’s length. Who doesn’t?

    Is that true about Oreos? How is that possible?

    • 

      Apparently they do have Oreos now, which I just learned. Nabisco products weren’t really sold in the UK 20 years ago, but obviously things have changed. I’ve never been a huge fan of the Crumble sticks, I make way too much of a mess with them, no matter how careful I try to be. I still eat Hershey’s, though, I always will. Even though I know it’s subpar now, the taste is still nostalgic and comforting. Soothing.

  14. 

    My problem is that I don’t like milk chocolate. I just don’t. I like dark, bitter chocolate. The darker, the better. I like the cocao to be 70% or higher. Rich and dark. And I’m not too thrilled about white chocolate either. Does that make me less of an American? I often wonder.

    • 

      This! I can’t eat milk chocolate either. I like chocolate rich and dark, too.

    • 

      I know so few people who like white chocolate, Mary. I’m not a fan either, although Lindt white chocolate is pretty tasty. But it’s Lindt; they’re incapable of making bad chocolate. I like dark chocolate as well, generally I prefer it to milk chocolate too, but I max out at about 72% cacao. Anything higher than that is a little too bitter for me. I have a friend who thinks 85% cacao is still too sweet, you’d probably get along great with her!

  15. 

    I am Team Cadbury, though I pay the inflated prices at World Market or go to a really random gas station that has the “real” stuff. Luckily, I don’t eat chocolate that often.

    This is making me think more about Nestle’ though. I have never forgiven them for stopping production on the white chocolate and almond bars. The Hershey’s white chocolate “cookies & creme” is a poor substitute that reminds me of what would happen if you put cat food in crappy white chocolate bark.

    • 

      I never tried the Nestle white chocolate & almond bars. But I believe you about the cookies & creme (and really, anything spelled “creme” should be a tipoff as to quality). I also applaud your extremely vivid analogy, likening it to cat food in crappy white chocolate bark.

  16. 

    I don’t think I’ve ever compared the two side by side either. I may have to try this experiment soon. Research of course.

  17. 

    Yep, Hersheys tastes like wax beside Cadburys, Toblerone, anything from Belgium, anything from Switzerland. From America? I like Ghirardellis bittersweet chocolate chips right out of the bag! Just a handful, mind you, but still…

    • 

      Ghirardelli’s is good stuff—I use those chocolate chips exclusively in my baking! And also eating. It bums me out to think of how such an American institution like Hershey is, in fact, a barely mediocre rendition of chocolate. I’ll eat it anyway, but if given the choice between Hershey and Cadbury/Toblerone/Lindt/Perugina/etc, the other ones win.

  18. 
    Fish Out of Water August 16, 2013 at 9:06 am

    Husband is a Hershey man, swears by it. Teen will schlep to the Brit aisle of the grocery store and get a Flake or Aero bar, knowing its superiority. Of course, I have to settle for the dairy free stuff they sell at Whole Foods. I’d give my left tit for a Lindt white chocolate truffle right about now, and that shit ain’t vanilla! It’s like an orgasm in a foil wrapper. Forgive me, I miss real chocolate.

    • 

      FISH!!!! It’s really you!!! I’m so happy to see that picture of Reggie (bless her) and her jaunty little leprechaun hat. Teen keeps growing in my esteem every day. You’re right about those Lindt white chocolate truffles–Lindt’s white chocolate is the only kind I’ll eat, that shit is good. And NOT vanilla.

      FYI, I found a GOOD vegan chocolate recently—the brand is called Fearless. No dairy, and tastes just like ordinary dark chocolate. There are a few other vegan brands of chocolate but I found them too bitter. Fearless is much better. Maybe that will help?

  19. 

    While I may agree with you on the normal Hershey bar – the Hershey Special Dark bar is completely the best chocolate anywhere. Throw an almond in that sucker and you have instant gratification in your mouth.

  20. 

    As you know, for me Crunchies are the holy grail. I’m headed to London October 30–let me know what you want and I will hand deliver! Love you!

    • 

      You’re too good to me. I do remember that Crunchies are your favorites. If you can’t fit me in your suitcase for your trip (I’m so envious), perhaps a box of Smarties would be nice…

  21. 

    I think Hershey’s chocolate tastes like foil. I’m a fan of the Symphony bars, though, with the toffee and almonds.

    • 

      Yes, the Symphony bars are definitely Hershey’s way of trying to atone for the original sin. The one with toffee and almonds is pretty yummy. Crunchy buttery deliciousness.

  22. 

    I must now acquire a Cadbury’s bar to try it. To be fair, I’m a Dark Chocolate guy. I prefer good Dark Chocolate to Milk Chocolate pretty much every time. I know, I’m weird. My friends and family never miss an opportunity to remind me of that.

  23. 

    The Curly Wurly, the Flake, the purity of the original Dairy Milk and my secret fave- the Fruit and Nut bar (I know, I’m probably the only one who likes those)… As much as I loved visiting Hersey, Pa. back in the day, the Cadbury company gets my chocolate vote every single time (since I don’t get to Belgium or Switzerland as much as I’d like to).

    • 

      Actually, my dear sir, I too love the fruit and nut bar. Aside from Chunky bars (even though they aren’t really bars), there aren’t any other chocolates that have raisins in them. You know, except for Raisinets. And I love love love Curly Wurly bars. And Smarties. You can’t get them here unless you go to stores that stock UK chocolates. I will still happily eat Hershey bars if they’re in front of me, but I’m aware now that I’m slumming it when I do.

  24. 

    So…umm…how did Mr Weebles feel about the wedding analogy at the end?

    US chocolate has a much lower chocolate content than European chocolate.
    Yeah, european is a fuller, better experience, but nothing wrong with sluming with a delightfully perky milk chocolate every so often.

    • 

      Er, um, well, I told Dave that I was extrapolating from experiences that I’ve heard about…you know, from people unlike you and me, who aren’t married to Mr. Weebles or TMWGITU. Yeah.

      I love how you refer to it as a “delightfully perky milk chocolate” — that’s kind of what it is. A childlike, naive, delightfully perky milk chocolate bar. I may have one today.

  25. 

    My Dearest Weebles,

    I am more of a Sweet Tarts type of guy.

    Love,

    EI

  26. 

    I’ve gone very snobby in my chocolate tastes in my thirties. And honestly, I don’t touch Hershey. That said, I don’t buy Cadbury much anymore either. I mostly will just go to a proper chocolate shop (Purdy’s, Rogers, Callebaut) and get something that I know will be really satisfying. Less wax and god-knows-what-else in them too.

    • 

      Welcome, Stephanie! Proper chocolate shops really are ideal. I stay away from them only because if I visit them, I won’t leave and then they’ll have to call the cops and it will just get ugly. In particular, Jacques Torres and Maison du Chocolat. They’d have to take me out in handcuffs, but I’d be a happy camper with chocolate smeared all over my face.

  27. 

    Weebs,
    Any chocolate (except white chocolate, which isn’t chocolate at all), works for me. I will try this taste test, for scientific purposes. I’ll call it…lunch.
    Red

    • 

      Broseph, you are wise indeed to call such an experiment lunch. Did you do it? If so, report back, please. I urge you and the Missus to do a full-scale taste test. For scientific purposes.

  28. 

    “I had spent my whole life in the North Korea of chocolate”: BWAHAHAHAAHA! Loved that! And I agree; I have never been a huge fan of Hershey’s; it’ll do, but it has always tasted waxy to me.

  29. 

    “the North Korea of chocolate”—Great line!

    I will eat Hershey’s if that’s what’s around, but I prefer to get my chocolate mixed with other ooey, gooey stuff like caramel, marshmallows, cashews, M&Ms, whatever. The Rocky Mountain Chocolate Factory less than a mile from my house has the chocolate potpourri mix-and-match down to an art. I would like to say I’m a rare patron, but I’d be lying. But they’re pricier (but not like Godiva–good God, one would think he or she is purchasing chocolate-covered gold there) and not nice on the waistline, so everything in moderation. Oh, and their plain chocolate bars? Sorry, Hershey. They got you beat.

    As you can see, this is a post I could NOT stay away from. You’re singing my favorite song…

    • 

      The BEST song, Carrie. I’ve never tried anything from the Rocky Mountain Chocolate Factory. I don’t know of any stores nearby, but now I’ll have to check. I’m only glad that See’s Candy is nowhere nearby; if I lived in California, I’d be their best freaking customer. I too enjoy my chocolate mixed with other fun things, but I’m not proud, I’ll take it however I can get it. And seriously, Godiva prices are insane. And I think there’s actually better chocolate out there than Godiva, that isn’t as expensive. I’ll certainly cram it down, though. I mean, I can’t eat Hershey and then turn around and poo-poo Godiva. That would be perverse and deranged.

      I almost regret doing this post, because I haven’t stopped thinking about mountains of chocolate for the past 36 hours.

      • 

        I bought my husband a large chocolate-covered strawberry from Godiva’s once. And by large, I mean big, but certainly not mutant. Nine dollars!! I was so shocked when she told me the price that the clerk must have taken pity on me. She threw in two smaller ones for free! I haven’t shopped there since.

        Oh, and in case you need inspiration to track down a RMCF: http://tinyurl.com/m67m8mh

  30. 

    Um, first, if you had oreos why were you wasting your time with that other nonsense. Oreos are all you need. But, second, if you like to mix things up from time to time, might I recommend visiting your nearest Trader Joes and picking up one of their dark chocolate varieties: The Swiss 72% cacao bar is beyond delicious, beyond scrumptious, beyond anything Cadbury or Hershey could ever dream up. And, third, for something that supports the good ol’ USofA, why would you look any further than Ghirardelli?

    • 

      I love Oreos more than I love most things on earth. Except chocolate. Oreos are tied with chocolate. Ghirardelli is good stuff, for baking and good old-fashioned eating. But for even better home-grown chocolate goodness, there’s also Scharffen Berger and Guittard. I don’t think I’ve tried Trader Joe’s version, I’ll have to get some next time I’m there.

  31. 

    Living under the influence of both English-speaking imperial powers… if made to choose between Hershey and Cadbury, I’d have to go with the latter. The Butterfinger is but a puffy, larval Crispy Crunch; the slightly cheesey tang in the Flake is unparalleled by anything the US maker offers (although I don’t understand the British fascination with stuffing it into and ice cream cone); the Fruit & Nut adds a note to the admittedly pleasant duet of the Hershey Almond. And have you looked at the pictures of Bournville? It makes Hershey PA look like Stalingrad during the siege! Neither company commits the offense of being mere brown wax as one finds in cheap “chocolate”, but Cadbury has the edge.

    That being said… I’d also burn either establishment flat and salt the earth for a box of roomtruffels from Smits’ Chocolaterie on Wilhelminastraat in my dad’s hometown. Callebaut is a feeble second best to that stuff.

    • 

      I like Crispy Crunch but I do love me some Butterfingers. I also love me some Fruit & Nut, but I still find myself going for the Hershey with Almonds. The sour note in the Hershey somehow goes with the almond, more so than on its own. I have no doubt that Bournville is a lovely town, most English villages are nicer than American villages. But Milton Hershey’s original vision is pretty freaking cool, he was a true philanthropist. And If I ever get to the Netherlands, I’m going to make a side trip to Smits’ Chocolaterie.

  32. 

    Hershey seduces with the kiss. Typical.

  33. 

    Never thought I would find a better sweet tooth choco-gasm than a Reese’s cup frozen solid, dunked in milk.
    Until I went to Germany and discovered Ritter Sport. Cheating on my love with ze germans.

    Now I want oreos with milk.

    • 

      Ritter Sport is pretty amazing. I’ve only ever had it here, not sure if it tastes different in Germany but the stuff here is addictive. I’m a bitch for the milk chocolate with almonds and the dark chocolate with marzipan. And now I want Ritter chocolate AND Oreos and milk. It was a really bad idea for me to write this post.

  34. 

    While living in Germany and working with a woman from England, I became addicted to the many delectable Cadbury treats she would share. Having never been a huge fan of Hershey’s chocolate, dare I say I prefer Brach’s, I jumped on the Cadbury train and really never looked back. German chocolate isn’t bad either, but those damn Brits know how to cook up a tasteful treat in the form of caramel surrounded by chocolate. My mouth is watering right now just thinking of it!!

    • 

      Ah, Brach’s—Sexypants, that takes me back. My dad was a big fan of Brach’s, especially the bridge mix. That stuff is almost impossible to find these days. But we were a Hershey household as well. Cadbury is superior not even so much for the taste—since I think a lot of non-Hershey chocolate is pretty damned good—but Cadbury chocolate is just so ridiculously creamy, it’s insane.

  35. 

    That is the saddest story I have ever heard, but true of so many of my childhood favourites. I will solve all of your chocolate problems though; find Coppeneur chocolate. If you can’t find it, I will send you some. You will then become enslaved to it forever and ever, and you will sell Mr. Weebles to get some more.

    • 

      Isn’t it the saddest thing ever?? I’ll be in my therapist’s office multiple times this week trying to sort out my feelings. I have never heard of Coppeneur chocolate until you mentioned it, but I Googled it and now I WANT SOME. Mr. Weebles is a tall drink of water at 6’3″, I could probably sell him for a lot of it.

  36. 

    I’m not huge on Hershey’s products. There’s a waxy texture to it that I’m not partial too, but it fits for those “fuck it, I’m eating chocolate” moments. There’s a locally-owned chocolatier that has done me right for decades now. I’m perfectly content with them.

    • 

      Corvidae, I get you. All this talk of chocolate put me in one of those “fuck it, I’m eating chocolate” moments, so I went out and got a Hershey bar with almonds, and I enjoyed it. Sure, I would have preferred more high-quality chocolates from a chocolate shop or something, but it worked out okay.

  37. 

    If you want creamy chocolate, you should try Galaxy.

    If you want really chocolatey chocolate, find the stuff that’s at least 70% cocoa solids. Dark chocolate and super-bitter but it’s just so nice. And yes, I have been known to eat a whole bar in one sitting (it was a bad day in the office, which I think excuses almost anything).

    • 

      Not only does a bad day in the office excuse your eating a whole bar, but it also negates the calories. So many of your fellow Brits have been mentioning Galaxy here, Faith—I think I may have to go to one of the shops around here that sells the British chocolates so I can get my fix. Galaxy, Bounty bars, real Cadbury’s, etc. But dark chocolate is mighty fine as well.

      • 

        Galaxy is super-creamy, but it’s not quite as chocolatey. After eating the super-dark stuff, I now cannot eat Cadbury’s Bournville because it tastes buttery and not chocolatey. It is most interesting how tastes change as you try new things!

  38. 

    Weebs, I will never turn down a Hershey chocolate bar if offered, even if it is sub-standard. It’s true, Americans don’t make good chocolate either. The Swiss, now they have something grand! The Hershey bar is more economical, or at least it used to be. The price of candy bars has gone up quite a bit!

    • 

      I had a reasonably priced, substandard Hershey bar with almonds tonight, Honeybee, and it was GOOD. I was too lazy to go anywhere with a bigger variety, and the price was right!

  39. 

    I took that Hershey’s tour as a child too. My favorite part was the room where they stamped out all the Hershey Kisses. It had never occurred to me to wonder how they made them, and I was really impressed that they did so many at once (as opposed to, I guess, hand-carving them one at a time).

    Leave the milk chocolate behind and come over to the dark side. Cast Hershey’s and Cadbury aside and move up to Valrhona, Green & Black’s, Theo — the kind that tells you, right on the label, what percentage of the bar is actual chocolate.

    • 

      That made me laugh out loud, the idea of them hand carving Hershey’s kisses one at a time. You’re funny, Laura. I love dark chocolate too—Lindt is my standard Go-To for dark chocolate, but I also like Green & Black and Scharffen Berger, and Valrhona when I’m at a place that sells it. I haven’t seen Theo brand anywhere, I’ll have to check it out, thanks for the tip!

  40. 

    I was introduced to European chocolate my junior year of high school on a trip to France and Switzerland. So at a young age I learned how second-rate most American chocolate truly is. I’ll still eat it on occasion, but nothing beats real Belgian chocolates to my mind.

    And what passes for “Cadbury Creme Eggs” around Easter these last 10 years or whatever is criminal compared to the real product we used to get!

  41. 

    I was going to say that I’m with you all the way on Cadbury vs Hershey’s but then I read some of the comments and found that I have been eating an imposter. US Cadbury being different than English, say it ain’t so. I feel robbed! Please tell me my US Lindt chocolates aren’t fake too. They’re so addicting.

    • 

      I hope the Lindt is the same as the stuff in Switzerland, Mrs. P, I’d be so disappointed and disillusioned. I understand your feeling robbed about eating an imposter, all the more reason it’s pathetic that US Cadbury is STILL better than Hershey!

  42. 

    Hershey bars with almonds! All through school I’d buy a Hershey’s bar at lunch and take half of it home…we never had candy in the house. My purses all smelled like hot chocolate.
    Now those bars taste a little thin in flavor – weak…except the almond ones!

    • 

      Your bags must have smelled delicious! I had a Hershey bar with almonds tonight, because I couldn’t take it anymore. They’re better than the plain Hershey bars for sure. Something about the contrast of the almonds with the flavor of the chocolate.

  43. 

    Chocolate, chocolate, chocolate. Bring up the subject, and everyone salivates and generates conversation. Hershey, Cadbury, See’s, Godiva, Ghirardelli, Priscilla’s (what? yes, a handmade chocolate in a little store in Concord MA) – they’re all part of the reason I live. But I admit I’ve become a chocolate snob. Hershey’s is too bland for me after all the taste testing I’ve ‘endured.’

  44. 

    I’ve just come back from living in the states and I’m so glad to hear an American admit to the wonder that is Cadburys after missing it for a year and having to get my parents to send out care packages of it. I’m from Bournville in Birmingham which is where the original Cadbury factory is…having gone to visit the factory every year since I was born I’ve become a passionate advocate of it! Really enjoyed reading this x

  45. 

    We’ve got loads of American sweets over here now! Peanut buttercups, oreos, marshmallow fluff, the works! There’s nothing like Cadbury chocolate, but then again I suppose nearly everyone in the UK- along with me- has been raised on Cadbury’s. Although I really love Hershey’s kisses whenever we can get hold of them. American sweets and chocolates are nice, but British chocolate and sweets will always be my favourite.

    • 

      Marshmallow Fluff too?? Wow, times really have changed. When I was there, nobody knew about Fluff, Oreos or peanut butter cups. In fact, peanut butter in general was considered a really odd thing. I never did develop a taste for Marmite but I love me some peanut butter on toast. As for British chocolate and sweets, of course they’re your favorites, Bennie—you grew up with them, and they are, overall, better than ours!

  46. 

    Weebs as I’ve told my sons who of course never listen, and think they know better, and Leo who listens and tells me to fuck off, we don’t always know what good is. Sometimes it is because we’ve never tasted bad and sometimes because we’ve never tasted better and sometimes just because we can’t remember. Loved the post! Many thanks.

  47. 

    Hilarious! And you banner photo is divine. Simply divine.

  48. 

    When I was a kid, every year my uncle and aunt from Pennsylvania would send us a 10 lb Hershey chocolate bar. It would go in the freezer and be portioned off through the year. I couldn’t tell you how many times I almost lost fingers trying to cut that frozen brick with a butcher knife. Kids are stupid. We hold Hershey in high regard in America because of television advertising. It’s Don Draper’s fault. I’d take Lindt milk chocolate truffles over Hershey any day.

    • 

      True. Advertising is the culprit, although in the case of Hershey it started before Don Draper’s era. That 10-lb brick would not have gone in the freezer in the Weebles household when I was growing up—Daddy Weebles and I would have made short work of it.

  49. 

    I was a Hershey devotee, until that fateful day the doc sez to me, “try cutting chocolate from the diet, and I bet those migraines stop”. Damn, I hate when they are right. I miss chocolate, but not the migraine.
    I loved that tartness in the Hershey bar. I didn’t know what I was tasting until a few years ago, a special on food channel or discovery showed how they “sour” the milk when making Hershey chocolate.
    Great post, got me wanting some chocolate….guess it’s time for some Smarties (if I can’t have one, the other is just as good, also, don’t they make you smarter?)

    • 

      Hi Emma! Welcome! Smarties count—it’s still sugar, right? My sympathies on the migraines, they’re horrible horrible horrible. That’s interesting about the “souring” process with Hershey’s, I didn’t realize it was a deliberate thing. I assume that was part of the original recipe? I wonder why.

  50. 

    For sugary goo to guzzle, which is brown in colour and has the word “chocolate” somewhere on the packaging, Galaxy is the thing.

    For chocolate, use Lindt- the 90%, by itself and not with chilli or anything silly like that. Ensure you will be undisturbed for five minutes, assume your favourite posture for meditation, place a square on your tongue, and pay attention to it. A spiritual experience for less than £2!

  51. 

    You need to try the real Cadbury Creme eggs, not the stuff licensed to Hersheys. :) World of difference! Even better is Belgium Chocolate!

  52. 

    I’m Canadian so I had no idea that other markets didn’t have access to Hershey AND Cadbury. We also have Oreos, Butterfingers, Smarties and M&M’s. Personality I like dark chocolate, it’s much more satisfying, but a Cadbury Fruit & Nut bar is pretty good.

  53. 

    I think food is so much more emotional than just taste. We can create an emotional/life-saving attachment to pretty much anything, even when blindfolded it probably tastes like paper bags. I remember these little chocolates my Gramma used to bring us from Europe when she came to visit. They were heaven wrapped in tin foil and blessed with golden nectar. When I went to Europe and bought them for my kids — they couldn’t even finish them. They said they tasted stale and too bitter. It spoiled it for me since I expected them to react much like I had, and I realized they weren’t as great as I had hoped they would always be.

    • 

      I hadn’t even thought about the emotional component, Tasty T, but that’s a huge part of the appeal of food, isn’t it. Hershey bars for me are definitely about more than merely the taste; they bring back such good memories. Just like the chocolates your Gramma used to bring you. Objectively they may not be delicious, but they’re mementos as much as food. Thank you for bringing this important perspective to the discussion, ma’am!

  54. 

    I prefer dark to milk chocolate any day, but the Cadbury Fruit & Nut bar is awesome. But if you pinned me down and forced me to choose a single chocolate treat as my favorite, Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups would win. I have a bag of the dark chocolate covered miniatures in my kitchen right now.

    • 

      Mary, many years ago my roommate and I used to put silly messages on our answering machine, including the occasional quiz. One of our quiz questions was, “If you were on a deserted island and you could choose one candy to sustain you for the rest of your life, which one would it be?” Reese’s peanut butter cups was the winner by a landslide. So you are not alone. I don’t like the regular ones but I love the dark chocolate covered ones.

  55. 

    Addicted to Snickers bars. But Cadbury and Lindt are close seconds. Thank goodness for Wegman’s so I can get my fix.

  56. 

    Chocolates are like orgasms. Even a sub-standard one is still pretty damn good.

  57. 

    Great post, Weebs. I’ve been through the same thing. I saw nothing wrong with American chocolate until I traveled to Asia, where their chocolate is imported from Europe. Holy crap. American chocolate tastes like wax by comparison.

  58. 

    Too funny!
    But on a serious, serious note…
    I’m… not… sure… I’ve ever tried a Cadbury BAR before! I mean, I’ve eaten TONS of the famous eggs, but… hmm…

    • 

      SIG! What the fuck?? Get thee to a purveyor of Cadbury’s ASAP! Bear in mind, though, that US Cadbury isn’t the same as the real deal in Britain, but it’s still pretty darned good. I await your report.

  59. 

    Oh so true. I cry. As a loyal Canadian I grew up with the ‘real’ Cadbury chocolate. Then I found out it wasnt from England. Then I found out Cadbury in the States was owned by Hersheys. THEN i found out Kraft is trying to buy Hersheys. God…I hate the Internet sometimes. T Fuckin’ M I! I don’t know what I like anymore. I’m all confused. I’m only going to eat fair trade from now on. No matter how shitty it tastes. At least I know it’s fair shitty.

    • 

      Welcome, Laura Lynn! I’m very glad you’ve joined us! As for the chocolate overlords, they’re all fucking with us, and we’ve been their unwitting pawns. SO UNFAIR. What’s a person to do? I like your solution of buying just fair trade. At least that’s a good thing to do, and it’s stickin’ it to The Man.

  60. 

    We have Cadbury chocolate in Canada too! I was convinced our Cadbury chocolate was superior to your Hershey chocolate anytime, anywhere! Then I tasted English Cadbury chocolate – OMG there is no comparison. Now I get English Cadbury when I can, love my Canadian Cadbury & still have enough love to extend to good old Hershey chocolate too!

    • 

      It’s so beautiful, that there’s enough love in us to share with chocolate of all kinds, Benzy. Yeah, real UK Cadbury is light years away from the North American version. It’s discrimination, that’s what it is. I think it’s high time we revolted.

      What do we want?
      Real Cadbury’s!
      When do we want it?
      Now!

  61. 
    writerwendyreid August 20, 2013 at 12:06 am

    I guess I’m not a true fan of chocolate because I never buy those plain bars. I need caramel and/or nuts.

  62. 

    Now you’re doing Hershey’s AND Cadbury? You shameless chocolate whore.

  63. 

    I spent most of my childhood believing that Hershey was the best ever chocolate. Until my Aunt, who is from the UK, finally got sick of me eating it and laid some of what she called “real” chocolate in front of my face. I was still a child, to learn that the Great American Chocolate Bar was substandard … years of therapy followed. Chocolate therapy that is.

  64. 

    Growing up in Europe, Swiss chocolate ruled … however here is something probably little known outside NZ but totally delicious; http://www.whittakers.co.nz/

    Keep chocolate intake up, even not so good one is guaranteed to make your day better!

    Cheers!
    Daniela

  65. 

    Allow me to exude smug Britishness. I’ll say no more. Except: have you tried Green and Blacks? Nothing like a posh Etonian type on the side when you’re having your wicked way with the village blacksmith.

    So to speak.

  66. 

    I am just calling by with my chocolate kit,
    soooo off with them and I will do the rest :)
    How do you mean what am I going to be
    doing with you next? Hmmm…

    Helping to take the wrappers off, we can’t
    eat our chocolates with the wrapping on now
    can we Madame Weebles? :)

    Oh you thought I meant the choco massage? ;)
    Okay I am game if you are my sweet and wicked
    friend :) So are you doing the choco spreading or
    am I my naughty friend? ;) lmao

    Andro xxxx

  67. 

    Hershey’s is the WORST. I’ve never liked their solid chocolate, and could barely tolerate the one with almonds. Did you ever buy those See’s bars kids would sell for $2 as fundraisers? The krispy ones used to be my favorites until my first taste of Lindt chocolate. Now I can’t go back, I’ve been ruined.

    I’m part of a site called PostCrossing that allows you to swap postcards with people all over the world. There is also a section for people who want to swap gifts with others. My #1 request from those in European countries was to send Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups. Some didn’t have access to them, and others had to pay 8-10 bucks for something we can get for less than a dollar here.

  68. 

    “longtime foil-wrapped little spouse” is how I worry I will have to describe my wife if she ever develops schizophrenia.

  69. 

    I’m outrageously late to this little party, but seeing as I’m recently back to blogging, I simply had to share this (now legendary) story with you:

    Five years ago, Mum threw her traditional Christmas Eve cocktail party/gift exchange, complete with groaning buffet featuring all the oft-requested main dishes, snack-y nibbles, and desserts the family has come to expect. However, that particular year, she decided to add a new buffet option as a surprise: the Chocolate Fountain, as this was around the time they were in high vogue for home use. Since most people like it, she thought it would be great to fill hers with Hershey’s chocolate, rather than the recommended bulk chocolate disks normally used for pouring into molds and such. She made great show of readying the machine, and turning it on, intending it to be the showpiece during desserts and aperitifs.

    Within minutes, the entire house was filled with an overpowering and gag-inducing stench. Anyone who has melted Hershey’s chocolate knows exactly how awful it smells, but if you haven’t – the best way I can describe it, is to have you imagine Satan having had a particularly ripe IBS-induced diarrhea attack. My stepfather was forced to take the entire dripping machine outdoors, while Mum opened windows, then lit a dozen scented candles. We never got to try any of it on the fruit or pound cake skewers she’d set out, but I imagine it would have tasted as fetid as it smelled.

    To this day, that memory mortifies her. Around the holidays, if anyone so much as mentions Hershey’s chocolate in any context, it upsets her. Conversely, we all still nearly wet ourselves reminiscing about that evening. Maybe in another five years, she’ll find it funny too! :D

    • 

      I’ve never actually tried melting Hershey’s chocolate, with the exception of with S’mores, but with them the chocolate only gets slightly melty, not completely liquid. I can imagine that a fully melted batch of Hershey chocolate would be somewhat less redolent than melted Lindt or Valrhona… It’s a funny memory, though! Nothing like a nice holiday feast ruined unexpectedly by the reek of subpar chocolate!

  70. 

    Yo Weebs, just dropping by and seen you haven’t posted for a month or so, and hope you are well. Anyway this one caught my eye, having done the UK to US move and having a weakness for chocolate. Said weakness which has been passed through the gene pool to my (now almost 3 year old) son. He can spot a chocolate being unwrapped from a mile away, a useful skill unless it is a Hershey one. To me, that tastes ever so slightly of soap.Of a wax candle version of chocolate. The Cadburys over here also tastes slightly different to the UK one, something to do with the rules of chocolate over here, note the default bar is a Dairy Milk” not “Dairy Milk Chocolate” as it misses some vital ingredient, or something or other. Kind of like Champagne in reverse.

    Thankfully there are some other decent chocs around (Sees, Lindt). But what is with toffee always having to be covered in nuts over here?

    • 

      Hiya Elliot! I know, Hershey’s chocolate is so disappointing in comparison to other chocolates. It’s so unfair. We don’t get Sees candy here on the east coast, unfortunately, but Good God, that’s good stuff. I’m proud of you for passing your chocolate genes on to your son. It’s a dominant genetic trait that will hold him in good stead.

      I hope you’ve been well! I’m still scratching my head over last night’s fight. Poor GSP looked pretty darned rattled afterwards.

Testify!

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s