In which I suffer for my art

Madame Weebles —  September 4, 2013 — 207 Comments

The latest news in the House of Weebles is that I got a tattoo this past weekend. Many of you knew about this already because I haven’t been able to stop yattering about it.

For years I’ve wanted a tattoo but I couldn’t think of anything that was meaningful enough. Until the ideal subject occurred to me and it all fell into place.

So behold, my first ink, in honor of the one and only Pickles:

IMAG0020

Doesn’t she look annoyed?? It was her default look—her resting bitch face. Those ribbons are there because even though Pickles didn’t like the things most cats typically like, she loved those ribbons that you curl with scissors. They were like kryptonite to her, she couldn’t resist.

I can’t tell you how much I freaking love this tattoo.

And it was a great experience except that after a while, it hurt like a motherfucker. It’s on my right shoulder, about 4-5 inches in diameter (that’s 10-12 cm for my metric friends), and took about 2 hours. I was mostly okay for the first hour but during the final half hour, if I had any secrets, I would have sung like a canary. I was kind of disappointed in myself; ordinarily I have a pretty high tolerance for pain so I thought I would fare better.

I’ve been trying to figure out how much getting this tattoo hurt in the context of other painful things I’ve known. I don’t have kids so I can’t use childbirth, the mother of all painful experiences, as a comparator, but I’ve known other flavors of pain. You may have seen this pain scale:

Pain scale

I posit that this scale is not sufficient. I propose this slight modification:

Improved pain scaleAnd now, here’s the list of my Most Exquisite Pains, in no particular order:

  • Severe sciatica. During the worst sciatic pain I ever had, it felt like jagged little shards of glass scraping along my nerves. I’m not a fan of this particular sensation. I give it a 5. Maybe a 5.5.
  • Having a head wound stapled shut. As if the pain of the stapling wasn’t enough, I could also hear the staples pushing into my scalp. An audio track does nothing to make this shit any better, trust me. This one is a 6.
  • Slamming my thumb in a car door. This happened to me more than 35 years ago but I still vividly remember how it felt. It sucked. A lot. I give this a 6, plus another 6 for the excruciating nail drainage that followed.
  • Stubbing my toe. I do this often because I usually walk around the house barefoot. The pain is relatively brief but always at least a 5. If there’s ever a competition for hopping on one foot while stringing expletives together, I’ll be a gold medal contender.
  • Leg waxing (yeah, including bikini line). The only time this really hurts is when the weather is humid. In which case I have to white-knuckle my way through. Beauty is pain, people. It’s no joke. But maybe only a 4 at worst.
  • Upper lip threading (which hurts WAY more than lip waxing, by the way). A friend of mine recommended this hair-removal method and she said it didn’t really hurt. She’s a fucking liar. I cried like a little bitch. I give this experience a 4.5 on the pain scale. And a 10 on the embarrassment scale.
  • Various medical interventions. Some hurt more than others, but the worst of them was a 5 or 6. And if you ask me, patients should be offered general anesthesia for all procedures, even for things as minor as stitch removal, mammograms, injections, etc. Yeah, yeah, I know about the risks involved with anesthesia, but you know what? I don’t give a fuck.

So on my pain scale, the tattoo was a 5. But on the scale of happy I’m at about a 12, so it was totally worth it.

207 responses to In which I suffer for my art

  1. 

    Just when I thought I couldn’t love you more. That tattoo is the bomb diggity. And I don’t think I’ve ever used the words “bomb diggity” in my life until now.

    I’ve debated getting a tattoo for years. But I’m not a big fan of pain. Maybe I’ll have to get something really tiny so I won’t cry like a baby or morph into that woman from The Shining.

    • 

      Luscious Vixen, you’ve had two kids, so you’ve already experienced levels of pain that mere mortals don’t have to endure.

      • 

        Because I love you, Mdm Weebs, I’ll let you in a little secret. Childbirth is NOT the most painful thing ever. There. I said it. I broke the Mothers Code of Silence, and I’m glad.

        • 

          Wait, what? You’re skewing my whole world view. So if childbirth isn’t the most painful thing ever, then what is? I’ve been told having teenagers is pretty painful, maybe that’s it?

        • 

          Because I love Peg, I’m typing this as respectfully as possible: WTF, PEG?!?

          Hi Madame Weebles. I came to read because Rants said so. And…you know. . . Rants.

          In case the sympathy of strangers counts, I’m sorry for the loss of Pickles.

  2. 

    Isn’t it “whinging” up there? Or is that just our metric friends?

    • 

      Whinging and whining are two different words – you can whinge (rhymes with “ginge” as in “ginger”) or you can whine (pronounced exactly like “wine”; the “h” is there just to make sure you don’t get confused with the noise your dog makes and the alcoholic beverage).

      I’ll get my inner English teacher back in her cage now. That’s the first time she’s escaped for a long while! ;)

  3. 

    I have four tattoos. One on each arm and one on each calf. The ones on my arms weren’t that bad, or at least I don’t remember them being so. The ones on my calf’s though, boy oh boy. She had to keep telling me to breath cause otherwise I probably would’ve passed out. The only thing that I can compare it to was the time I had Kidney Stones.
    Nice tattoo though, looks like it was totally worth it.

  4. 

    I usually hit a 6 on the pain scale right before I get a medical intervention.
    I do not have a tattoo so don’t know exactly what you went through, but if you were in that much pain, congrats on sticking it out in one sitting and getting the awesome result.

  5. 

    Wicked but incredibly sweet and worth the pain. Was Pickles green in real life? Enjoy!

  6. 

    I hate tattoos…really…and I’d never get one…but yours is truly awesome! I think it’s the first one I’ve ever liked.

    Pain scale…worse than labor…oddly enough was getting full dental xrays, Tears streaming down my face the whole time and had to stop the procedure at least twice. The poor technician kept asking if I wanted to break it up into two days and with my ugliest glare ever said, “NO, I am never going to do this again…just do it now.” I’ve got great teeth but VERY sensitive gums.

    Happy scale 0. Wish I’d had something cool to look at after that.

  7. 

    I want the name of your tattoo guy/girl – great work! My ankle work I rate at a 2, but I have a high tolerance. One bad one was a broken rib that I had to just suck up, and then there was the time I slammed my thumb in the feed tray of an automatic grenade launcher. I think the Earth stopped spinning. I’d rate that an 8, mainly because I had to superglue my thumbnail back on later.

    This post I rate a 12, but not in pain units.

  8. 

    You missed out falling through a door into a chest of drawers with a lizard’s vivarium on top. From personal experience, I’d give that a strong six without any questions. Although stepping on a plug holds a similar position on the pain scale. I’d never be able to get a tattoo, I’d probably pass out if the pain got too much!

    • 

      I did forget that one, Bennie. My bad. That does indeed sound like it would be at least a 6. And YES to the evil of stepping on a plug. Massively painful and puts me in a homicidal rage much like stubbing my toe does.

  9. 

    And I’m sure Pickles is very pleased by the sacrifices you made in her honor. As a feline deity, she appreciates it when her disciples (you) honor her with their suffering.

    • 

      See, you understand, PinotNinja. That’s how it works. You offer up the pain as a sacrifice in honor of the feline deity. Pickles wasn’t Catholic but she would agree that “it is right to give her thanks and praise.”

      • 

        I cannot stop laughing at that last line and it couldn’t have come at a better time. I’m staring down the barrel of having to attend 4 Catholic weddings before the end of the year and this just made them all a lot more entertaining. Pickles will definitely be with me.

  10. 

    You almost passed out from a half-dollar sized tat?? Dude. I’ve never had a credit card rejected on a date because I’m a chick–I never paid for dinner, I just put out afterwards. Unless their credit cards were rejected. As for whinging, I believe that’s mainly used by our friends across the pond.

  11. 

    Love the tattoo! I think the staples sound like the worst simply because you heard it, something about that rubs me the wrong way.

    Glad it was worth it. I may be the only one left without one.

    • 

      Hearing the staples definitely made it worse. The tattoo was definitely worth it, even though I could feel the gun reverberating through my shoulder bone. For Pickles, it was worth it. As for being the only one left without one, it’s all good—inked or uninked, you’re groovy.

  12. 

    I’m saving my Frank tattoo for my upper arm—perfect for adding a wine bottle shape in there with you.

  13. 

    That ink is pretty bad ass looking.

    Staples in the head sounds awesome.

  14. 

    I got my one and only tat last year and really, on a scale between child birth and the stabbing pain I’ve endured in my eyes over the last 4 months, it was minor – and totally worth it. Yours is lovely and a nice tribute to Pickles. Enjoy!

  15. 

    I am in love with your tattoo! And I had an epidural so in getting a tattoo of Pickles, you have likely endured more pain for someone you love than I have ;D

  16. 

    Wow, that is some great work! I am about a year out from getting the tattoo that I want, so I am preparing for the pain now.

  17. 

    Still giggling at your version of the pain scale! Wish my Dr. had that in her office. It would give me something to laugh at. Now all I get are breast exam brochures and STD pamphlets! I demand better healthcare! ;)

  18. 

    Nice tattoo – will you become addicted to them? who knows – stapling wounds though – yuk!

  19. 

    Love the tattoo, Weebs! I’m also laughing at your pain scale and examples. Everything with pain should come with the option of a spinal block. Personally, I got the smallest tattoo I could get, and I still broke out in cold sweats and puked in the parking lot when it was over, so I’d say you did great!

  20. 

    And yet, if Pickles saw the tattoo and knew the pain you went through, she would probably lick it, then throw her head back and saunter away to sleep on something she knew you loved.
    Because cats.

    I bet she’d secretly appreciate it though.

  21. 

    Oh fun! You are one coo-coo broad, Weebs. May I add one? Getting a Brazilian wax is about a 7, and then there’s a the vaginal ultrasound which is about an 8. Good times, good times.

  22. 

    Yay for cool cat tattoos with an actual meaning! And yay for cats that are cool enough to be tattooed on someone. It sucks that it hurt, but on te other hand, it didn’t hurt a long time (right?) and you’ll have that tattoo forever.
    It’s much like braces, somehow.

    • 

      You know what, NBI, I should have added braces to my list of Exquisite Pains. Because that shit HURT. It was more than 40 years ago but it’s still up there on my list. But as you wisely pointed out, the results of the braces are still with me, so at least there’s that.

  23. 

    YOU TOO???????????

  24. 

    I have a ruptured disc in the bottom of my back so I live in pain all day, every day. I have two options, I can have spinal surgery where they can scrape my sciatic nerve and I can convalesce and lay in bed for six months or I can live in pain. This morning it hurts so bad I am actually thinking of cutting off my fucking leg.

    Smooches

    EI

  25. 

    Tattoos are an addictive type of pain…one of my friends gets an endorphin high from tattoos… I, sadly, do not. It starts off a bit painful, then about 45 min worth of OK pain, then the last bit is painful. I find black outline to be far more painful than coloring. But within 2 days, I want another.

    Super spiffy tat! When it starts to itch – slap it!

    I had my eyebrows threaded the week of Xmas – (I had done it myself at home but went to a ‘place’ in the ‘maul’ ) – it sucked because my eyebrow lines completely broke out. I would never let anyone go near my ‘stache with those evil threads.

  26. 

    What a wonderful tribute to Pickles! I Love Love LOVE your tattoo! I wish I were brave enough to get one of Manda Jane. But alas, I am not brave. I just get piercings. Maybe someday when I get brave enough….

    • 

      Thanks Mary! Piercings are cool too, although I only have piercings in my ears. One day you may decide to get a tat for Manda Jane, and who knows, it might not hurt so much, especially if you get a small one, in an area that doesn’t have as many nerve endings!

  27. 

    5 vs 12 seems a good trade-off, and the amended pain scale must be made mandatory. A very nice piece of work, in all aspects.

    • 

      I agree: a 5 in pain in exchange for a 12 happiness payoff is quite a good exchange. As for the pain scale, I’m going to lobby hard to have this accepted by all professional medical organizations around the world.

  28. 

    Love the tattoo! Great choice, and I love the cat’s eyes. They say don’t mess with me. My tattoo is on my lower back (but that was long before they were labeled tramp stamps, I assure you). It hurt but wasn’t that big a deal. I’d give it a 2 or 3 on the pain scale. Now, uterine contractions prior to an epidural? I give those the Shelly Long Shining face.

    General anesthesia for a mammogram, hmm? Aren’t you worried what they might do to you while you’re out?…

    • 

      Pickles’s expression in general was always one of “Don’t mess with me” so it’s entirely appropriate that her likeness has the same look. I’ve heard uterine contractions are a whole different level of painful, so I can absolutely see how they would be on the Shining scale. Meanwhile, I salute you for being a tattoo trailblazer—I bet you had no idea that so many women would follow in your footsteps with lower back tats.

      I suppose you’re right about getting general for a mammogram. It sort of reminds me of that episode of Seinfeld where Jerry is out for dental work and he wakes up to discover that the dentist and hygienist have been engaging in pervy activity that may or may not have involved him as well. Personally I don’t find mammos painful but other women I know loathe them, so they may still want general even with that risk.

  29. 

    Madame Weebles –

    You’re new and improved pain scale is one of the funniest things I’ve seen on WordPress in awhile. I think it should hang in dentist offices and maternity wards. This way, doctors can ask their patients, “How bad is the pain? On a scale from 0 to Weeble?” But then if it really catches on, you’d have to get used to your name being synonymous with pain and hearing things like “I stepped on a lego this morning – HURT LIKE A FUCKING WEEBLE!!!”

    Linda

    P.S. – Love the new tat! If my cat ever stops barfing on my rug or shredding my hand to ribbons when I try and pet his tummy, I will definitely consider immortalizing him in a tattoo.

    P.P.S. – You consider a bikini wax a 4 on your pain scale? Fucking badass.

    • 

      P.P.P.S. – I can’t believe I used “You’re” instead of “Your”…. further proof that I should never leave a comment before I’ve had my caffeine fix.

    • 

      Oooh, I like that, the Weeble Pain Scale. Those bastards at Hasbro would probably want me to pay for the rights to use it though. I’ve stepped on a Weeble, and I can tell you it is nowhere near as painful as stepping on a Lego.

      I understand about your cat shredding you to ribbons when you pet his tummy. One of my current girls does that to me. She thinks it’s fine. As for the bikini wax, yeah, I’m as surprised as anyone to be able to say that it doesn’t hurt that much. You know what hurts me like hell, though? Getting waxed on the backs of the thighs. That’s brutal. BRUTAL.

  30. 

    Fabulous! I’ve thought about getting a tattoo, but I can’t decide on anything I’d want to live with for the rest of my life. Your Pickles is beautiful, and the perfect choice for you!

    Love your pain scale – I think the nastiest pain I ever had was when my epidural wore off with 15 minutes of cutting and stitching still left to go on my hysterectomy. Nothing like having a major organ removed from your body without the benefit of anaesthetic. On the up side, I’m not really afraid of pain anymore…

    • 

      Sweet mother of fuck, Diane, I’m not sure how you aren’t in a straitjacket after that experience with the epidural wearing off. That’s my worst nightmare right there, waking up from surgery before they’re done, or having the anesthesia wear off. Either one. You are officially the Baddest Mofo on Earth.

  31. 

    That’s a cool tat! And it’s really nicely done. That would be my big fear, that the artist would screw it up and I’d have “Sexy Baest” across my chest ’till the end of my days.

  32. 

    I absolutely love how you have modified the pain scale (which by the way is the pain scale for children lol) you have captured #6 brilliantly. I like your ‘don’t mess with me’ cat tattoo, are you contemplating a weeble next go around?

    • 

      I found out it was the children’s scale only after I posted, Jean! The funny thing is that this is only scale I’ve ever seen; I didn’t see the one for adults until I looked it up on the Internet. Maybe I’ll do a Weeble tattoo, it will have to be a bizarre Weeble design, maybe a Grim Reaper Weeble or Star Trek Weeble or something.

      • 

        The adult scale is boring it’s a number scale from 1-10, and everybody gets confused if 10 is bad and 1 is good, or 1 is bad and 10 is good. The pictures say it all. I like the Star Trek Weeble idea, but then I’m patial to Captain James T. Kirk; you could do those creepy twin weebles…

        • 

          That’s true. OR, better yet, I could do the Good Kirk/Evil Kirk as Weebles, the Evil Kirk with the goatee and gold sash, and the Good Kirk. This way I kill two birds with one stone–twins AND Star Trek!

          • 

            Good Kirk…Bad Kirk in Weeble form. I like it. It’s deep. Maybe a bit too deep. Are we delving into your psyche here? Who cares, anything Kirk is just golden!

  33. 

    I love love love loooooooooove it!! :)

    I got a tattoo on my lower left arm and while it didn’t hurt that much, the pain is not that pleasant haha. I didn’t had the urge to get another one though, but maybe it’s because I already knew I’d have three tattoos? I still need to design it though hehe.

  34. 

    You know I love that GD tattoo. On the pain scale, I think they should have curse words associated with all those levels. Well, let’s be honest, even the worst curse words come out at a 2 or 3, but maybe duration of cursing. And I think everyone should just get a complimentary hit of laughing gas at the beginning of all medical visits.

  35. 

    Wow! I just fell in love with you a little more, Madame. I have been planning my tat (that’s the kool word, baby) for years. Years! And I will get one… soon… but it will be much smaller, and much less detailed. Because I would be a wuss. No doubt, yours hurt so much because is so beautifully detailed. Mine will take 30 minutes and I’ll whine for the final 20. I have had 15 major sinus surgeries, several of them in the 10 ranges, a C-section, and probably would be your contender for the toe stubbing Olympics… but getting that tattoo is my weenie challenge. Mazel!

  36. 

    It’s sooo pwettyyy!!! And it’s making me talk all like a vewy siwwy girw! I’ve never had a tattoo, I’m too much of a wimp with pain, yes I have endured childbirth, twice, but that doesn’t make any of the other pains feel less. I’ve had kidney stones too, which is somewhat comparable to labor pain but not AS bad (for me anyway). I saw someone above mention dental x-rays, there is also much pain with having braces, at various stages, which I had in my late 20s, the worse part was having them removed when it felt like my teeth were going to snap. Several years ago I was talking to a woman, friend of a friend, and she was telling me that she was going through a divorce from her husband Dave. A bit later she bent forward to get something out of her bag which revealed a tattoo above her ass which said “Dave’s property”. Seriously.

    • 

      You have a nice little collection of pains to refer to, Vanessa. Having braces was pretty bad too, I had them when I was 9. Having them as an adult probably doesn’t hurt any less. Labor pain, from what I hear, is horrific. Ordinary cramps are bad enough, don’t want to imagine what labor cramps are like. Kidney stones, too, also very very bad. And the woman with the “Dave’s property” tramp stamp…well, what is there to say, other than, “What kind of fucking idiot is she??”

  37. 

    It’s perfect, Weebs!! And, worth the pain, even better. All Pickles needs is a little honeybee flying around her head! I’m sure she would love that. Precious pickles, now you can look at her all the time. Stubbing you toe does hurt. Yeah, I would give that one a 5. Brief, yet intense pain! Two hours is a long procedure. Congrats!

  38. 

    The tattoo looks totally fabulous. All my children have tattoos, but I will never have one – first I’m old, so I think it would look silly & second I don’t want to subject myself to pain – I have enough natural pain thank you very much!

  39. 

    Head staples are great! :D They feel so weird going in against the scalp.

    Now I’m going to be confusing people, when I scream “Shelley Duvall” while stomping around the house in pain.

    • 

      Just print out a copy of the new and improved pain scale, and they’ll all understand instantly, Corvidae. So you’ve had head staples too then, eh? They feel incredibly weird going in, like aliens slicing into your scalp. I would be fine if I never have that experience again.

  40. 

    Ha! Sung like a canary. Loves it. Well congrats- new body biz is always exciting. Especially when the colors chill out a bit. Eeeeasy. Yep- they do hurt, but no pain no gain, eh? (;

  41. 

    I’ve got two tatts – the first one I got done using numbing gel, so didn’t feel a thing, which as it’s on my shoulder blade was probably a good idea. The second one I got about 5 months later and it’s on my thigh, and I braved it out, and it wasn’t too bad, although I was really, really glad when it finished. It was rather comparable to the pain I had in my foot when I walked around on a broken cuboid bone for a week before going to get it x-rayed to find out it was broken.

    I may be able to provide photographs of them now (rather than when they were first done and hadn’t even been washed) providing I can find someone to photograph my shoulder for me! The problem is I live with a bunch of nuns and not all of them know about my body art…

    • 

      What are your tats, Faith? I suppose asking a nun to take a photo of them could be a problem…probably something best done by a friend or family member instead… :D

      • 

        I have a treble clef design on my left shoulder blade sort of area, and a sacred heart design on the top of my right thigh. Both of which are perfectly invisible under the habit. The clef gets an occasional airing if I wear a strappy top (very rare and only on days when it’s warm enough to do so AND I’m away from the Priory) but the other doesn’t see the light of day, even though I would love to have some of the short shorts that are currently in fashion (because I do actually have the legs for them). There is one Sister I could ask to take the photographs, but it’s not so easy to organise that as she lives in one of the Branch Houses so I don’t see her very often. I do have pictures of both from when they were very first done, but they’d not even been washed by that point so they don’t look as good as they do now they’ve healed.

  42. 

    It is a great tattoo. Enjoy it. I’m with you on the wimpy pain scale. Your face as #6 was great. It should be voted: you or “the Scream”.

    • 

      Why thank you, ma’am! But that picture in #6 is actually Shelley Duvall, in a particular scary scene from The Shining. It’s the perfect representation for that level of pain, no? Funny you should mention “The Scream,” though, I thought of using Munch’s painting for that picture, but Mr. Weebles suggested using Shelley Duvall, which really works well.

  43. 

    Ouch. I am too much of a pussy to get one. Note it says “am” not “have.”

  44. 

    Let’s just say that when I was younger, there were about 13 days a year where I swear the pain was a 10. Then I was introduced to ibuprofen and found blessed relief. Pickles looks awesome on your shoulder, but I’ll stick to admiring tats from afar….

  45. 

    Lalalalala (Hands over ears) WIll not talk of pain. Will pretend all is rainbows and unicorns farting flames.
    (Love the 6 pain scale image – that’s me with about anything – such a wimp)
    Impressive tat. What an artist. You certainly found an expert.
    Now if you lose your memory and get lost, we can all identify and get you back home. Better than micro chipping!

    • 

      That’s true—easy identification for if I ever get amnesia or if I’m found lying dead in a ditch! Is there a picture of Pickles on my shoulder? If so, then it’s me! Just don’t let RC know about my tattoo, otherwise she’ll give you the silent treatment (or, more than usual) for not having a tattoo of her likeness on your person.

  46. 

    Cheeky fucking clown…I think you’ll find it’s actually called Bill 14.

  47. 

    I also have been told I have a high threshold for pain. I gave birth to both of my children naturally, my second taking only a sweet mother-ripping 2 hours from start to finish and he topped in just shy of 10 lbs. (that’s 4.5 kg). I actually morphed into convulsions afterwords from the sheer exertion. Even running a marathon wasn’t that bad. I found lip threading to be mildly unpleasant.
    But a tattoo? Or having staples? or a finger in a car door? Lady, you wear Mr. Pickles with pride. You’ve EARNED that badge.

  48. 

    Madame – your tattoo is totally bad-ass! I love Pickles’ expression, priceless! That last hour is the worst for sure. It’s funny though, in approximately 3 weeks you will completely forget the pain and start thinking about your next tattoo. I am getting my next Sunday. I’m thinking of getting your cat on my elbow.

    • 

      You’re absolutely right, Artsi–it’s been just over a week and I’ve already forgotten (mostly) about the pain, and am already thinking about the next one. I can see how these things could be addictive. Good luck with your elbow ink, I’ve heard various stories about the pain factor on elbow tattoos, I hope yours is as pain-free as humanly possible!

  49. 

    I would take a tattoo over a bikini wax any day – and the tattoo lasts longer thank goodness. I LOVE your pickles tattoo. I might have to get one of my Bixby but I’m afraid people would think it was Garfield

    • 

      Oh how I wish bikini waxes lasted as long as tattoos, Daile. Wouldn’t that be nice? I’m quite sure that if you ever decide to get a tattoo of Bixby, the tattoo artist will ensure that it doesn’t look like Garfield. Although now I’m curious if there’s anyone out there who actually has a Garfield tattoo. That would be pretty funny.

  50. 

    Are you sure it’s not called a Poutine?

  51. 

    I had a plan to get a tattoo on vacation once. Had the design, had the artist, had the appointment set. There was a hurricane evacuation. I’ve taken it as a sign.

    Yours is making me reconsider, it is so well done.

    With you on the stapling thing. I’ve never had it done, but witnessed quite a few staple-ings. Brutal.

    • 

      Oy, I’m sure you’ve seen quite a few staplings, sir. Yeah, they kind of suck. Mine was only 3 or 4 staples but that was enough. And now that hurricane season is almost over, I think you should absolutely reconsider getting the tattoo!

  52. 

    Sweet ink, Madame! I’m sure Pickles would have waited an appropriate amount of time before pawing at it adoringly.
    Also, HEAD WOUND?! STAPLED SHUT?! DANG!!! Remind me not to make any ‘Massive Head-Wound Harry’ references here.

    • 

      Yeah, the stapling was NOT fun, Sig. NOT. FUN. And they do that shit without any sort of anesthetic because it’s not really practical to inject an anesthetic into the scalp—it would probably hurt just as much as the stapling would. I wish I could say the head wound was incurred as a result of a bar fight or something, but actually I slipped and fell and whacked my head on the coffee table. Maybe next time it will be sexier.

      So glad you like the ink—it makes me extra happy when artists like it! :)

  53. 

    That resting bitch face is bad ass

  54. 

    Very appropriate tattoo- and the expression is priceless! Love it!!

    As for pain, it’s amazing how many different types of pain there are. And having broken my foot and torn a tendon just a few short months ago and had surgery too, several kinds are still quite fresh with me. The pain of feeling and “hearing” a tendon tear is horrible. The pain I felt once when docs were working on giving me a cortisone shot for a herniated disc was unbelievably primal. I began to see that tunnel and all of a sudden that doc stopped smoking and joking and moved fast. Something about my BP shooting through the ceiling. What an ass. I told him that the most painful position to be in was flat on my stomach, and that’s just where he put me, and then added insult to injury by pressing down on my spine. Nerve pain in general is my least favorite because it’s so hard to control. Right now I have one mighty unhappy nerve in my foot, where my doc cut through it. It regularly freaks out, sending electric jolts out as it short circuits. Thank goodness there is a medication that is effective for treating nerve pain. Still titrating up to find the most effective dose, but without it I wouldn’t be able to walk again.

    • 

      Oy vey, M2M, that’s a lot of pain. I’m so sorry. Nerve pain, as you said, is particularly awful because it’s so hard to control, it’s unpredictable, and it radiates. My sciatic pain was brutal, although at one point the disc herniation was so bad that it pressed on the nerve to the extent that my leg went completely numb. That was a blessing compared to the pain. I’ve had injections for disc herniation but they didn’t bother me at all. I’m glad you’ve got some relief from the nerve pain now, I hope you hit your best dose very very soon!

  55. 

    Great tattoo, Weebles. But a painful post…

  56. 

    If one felt compelled to have sharp needles stuck into their body on purpose (which this one does not), that might be the tattoo to do the compelling. It looks great.

    • 

      You’re a wise one, Peg. Most people don’t willingly subject themselves to needles. Unless it’s acupuncture or tattoos, I guess. Acupuncture is a whole different thing, though. What they need to do is find a way to combine the two, so that the experience of getting inked is a lot more peaceful and zen.

  57. 

    At only two points on my Marx Bros tattoo did I ever reach the level 3 of pain. For the most part, I stayed at 2.

  58. 

    Congratulations on the tatoo, Weebs. PERFECT Pickles tatoo! And I’m with you about anesthesia for medical procedures. I think it’s so weird that our medical community thinks you should just sit there and tolerate the pain of invasive and painful tests and procedures.

    • 

      So I’m 2 weeks tardy in replying to these comments. Oy. Sorry, Cathy. And thanks! I love the tattoo, even more so now that it’s healed and it stopped itching! I don’t see the point of enduring pain just for the hell of it. There’s nothing particularly noble about suffering in itself, and nothing weak in not wanting to be subjected to it.

  59. 

    That tattoo is completely badass. I am always considering getting one, but my tolerance for pain is on the low-ish scale, so I would probably be crying as much as you at the lip-threading place. My personal most exquisite pains include:
    Getting my hand pinched in a lift-gate on a truck (only a small part of my hand, but a very large piece of machinery)
    Stepping on a nail
    Having an IUD inserted (at least it’s there for 5 years, but totally turned me off childbirth)

    • 

      Sweet fuck, Mo, the hand pinch sounds horrifying. As does stepping on a nail. I have an IUD as well and although I was warned of it being really painful to have inserted, it didn’t bother me so much, which surprised me. The tattoo isn’t a ton of fun to get, but you know what, if you want one, get it—the pain is temporary but you’ll have some beautiful ink permanently!

  60. 

    I love it Weebly, but more important is that YOU love it. I know how much Pickles meant to you and I think remembering her this was is awesome. xo

  61. 

    Esme is the same way. She loves Christmas only because of that ribbon that never curls for me. I have a picture of her as a kitten all tangled up in it with glowing demon eyes and her mouth wide open shrieking in joy. I should Photoshop in a Pop-Tart make it my new Facebook pic.

  62. 

    Good for you, Weebles! That Pickles is adorable!

  63. 

    Your tattoo (I love cats, too) is MUCH better than my sister-in-law’s. She has a fish on her inner thigh! I wish I could be there to see the look on a guys face when he spots the tuna. No I don’t. I do NOT want to be there.
    My cat, a mixed siamese, threw up a hairball with curling string in it on my birthday. My husband pointed it out and commented that at least she tried wrapping it.
    I enjoy your humor and your posts.

    • 

      Hello there, skinnyuz2b, and welcome! Thank you so much for your kind words. Now, what exactly made your SIL decide that a fish was a great idea for a tattoo, and on her inner thigh? I don’t want to see the guys when they discover the fish either, quite frankly. No.

      It’s so thoughtful of your Siamese mix to hork up a nicely decorated hairball for you. Mine aren’t so creative. Although Pickles, the subject of my tattoo, enjoyed surprising me with hairballs in my shoes. She was a giver that way.

  64. 

    First of all, how did I miss this? Secondly, YOU HAD YOUR HEAD STAPLES SHUT? Seriously, I cringed a thousand times over at the thought of the sound/feeling you must have been experiencing.

    The artists did an amazing job on your tattoo. I’m glad that the pain was worth it, and the good news is, you look even more badass than usual now.

    • 

      The head stapling sounds just as gross as it felt. Yes. I shall keep my fingers crossed that you never have to experience this for yourself. Although I’m glad my experience provided some comic fodder, at least. As for the tattoo, I’m TOTALLY badass now. I’ve been going around and telling people, DO NOT FUCK WITH ME, I HAVE A KITTY TATTOO. You can imagine the fear it inspires.

  65. 

    Wow! Great art and your love of Pickles is truly memorialized.
    LOVED your new and vastly improved pain scale. Hahahhaha. Have to say that having my nipples pierced was far more painful than the tattoo I sport. Had permanent eye make-up done when it was in it’s infancy. that fucking hurt like a bitch as well.
    Hey, we do what we WANT and not what the doctors tell we’re capable of.
    According to your list I really do feel a lot of your pain -grin-.

    Been lurking and not posting due to illness but as your piece involves pain I HAD to comment. Giving this link to my OT and PT guys. They’ll dig it too.

    Be well. You’ve made my day!

    • 

      Hiya Rachael! Sorry it’s taken me so long to reply to your most excellent comment. I cannot even imagine how much nipple piercing or permanent eye makeup hurts, you are one tough chica. I hope you’re doing well and feeling good!

  66. 

    Ouch! I’ve had the scalp staples too and have to say that the anesthetic shot hurt way more that the staples. I was victimized by some newbie PA in the emergency room that kept poking my skull with the needle over and over at various angles for about five minutes. I was yelling “balls that fucking hurts” and the nurses were laughing in the background. Anyway, funny post, RIP Pickles.

    • 

      Hello there Mr. Andrews sir! Welcome! I guess maybe I’m glad that I didn’t have the anesthetic shot beforehand, then, given your experience. Because I too would probably have said “balls that fucking hurts.” And then I would have punched out the nurses for laughing at my misery. (Not really. But I would have cursed them and their descendants, at the very least.)

Trackbacks and Pingbacks:

  1. Paingod | BrainRants - September 26, 2013

    […] blog post is inspired by another recent post (well, at this point, sort-of recent) by Madame Weebles.  Visit it and understand the pain she experienced in memorializing her cat, Pickles.  Awesome […]

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