Here’s what I think

Madame Weebles —  November 18, 2013 — 201 Comments

My friends, you know how shy I am about expressing my thoughts.

Well, as of right now, I’m turning over a new leaf. I’m going to throw caution to the wind and say what I think, and I’m not going to sugar-coat it.  It feels strange and uncomfortable, like breaking in a new pair of shoes. So do me a favor, humor me.

  1. First, because the 50th anniversary of Kennedy’s assassination is almost upon us, I think Lee Harvey Oswald acted alone. I’m not much for conspiracy theories, generally. I don’t believe there was a second shooter on the grassy knoll, nor do I think Oswald was working on behalf of the Mob, Castro, the CIA, or anyone else.
  2. However, I also think that Marilyn Monroe’s death was not an accident. So maybe I believe in some conspiracy theories.
  3. I think Benedict Cumberbatch is creepy looking. But he has a phenomenal name.
  4. I’m sick to death of television shows and the media referring to female college students as “co-eds.” I think it’s patronizing and stupid. It’s not 1965. There is absolutely nothing new about women in universities. In fact, female students now outnumber males at college, and they have for some time. So any numskull that uses the term “co-ed” should have a giant clue pill jammed down his or her throat.
  5. Speaking of television, I think more networks and producers need to take a cue from American Horror Story: Coven. It’s a ridiculously good show, but more importantly, it stars not one, not two, not three, but four women over the age of 50 (Jessica Lange, Kathy Bates, Angela Bassett, and Frances Conroy). And all of the women in the cast are strong characters rather than dithering namby-pamby chicks with blandly attractive, vapid faces. Why can’t more TV shows and movies be like this? Why must we continue to be inundated with noxious fare that depicts females as hypersexualized stick figures with boobs, or victims, or weaklings who need men to take care of them?
  6. I think skim milk sucks.
  7. I think yogurt sucks too.
  8. I don’t know the identity of the first retailer to sell Christmas stuff in September, but I think that person should be publicly maimed and then strung up with Christmas lights.

So that’s what I think.

By the way, I also think it’s worth pointing out that this is my second consecutive post in which I haven’t dropped any F-bombs. I’m starting to cramp up.

201 responses to Here’s what I think

  1. 

    B-b-but…yogurt’s kind of awesome1

    (But not as awesome as Benedict Cumberbatch, both as an actor and as a bearer of a phenomenal name. I’ll give you that).

    • 

      I wish I felt that way about yogurt, Hala. I truly do. I see all those people in commercials enjoying their yogurt so much, taking about how good it is, and/or how it keeps them regular. But it just tastes like creamy sour milk to me. As for Mr. Cumberbatch, Dickens himself couldn’t have come up with a better name.

  2. 

    I agree on all accounts, assuming you’re leaving frozen yogurt out of this.

  3. 

    I’m with you, sister. One shooter. The problem with conspiracy theorists–the reason they’re impossible to talk to–is that, even in the face of overwhelming evidence, they never admit they’re wrong. It would cause them to question ALL their beliefs. They use conspiracies to define who they are. It would cause an identity crisis.

    I’m getting a cat and naming him Benedict Cumberbatch. And they’ll be no nickname or abbreviated version. When anyone calls him, they’ll have to say all six syllables. That guy looks vaguely feline.

    You just F-bombed LeClown’s comment section. Baby steps.

    • 

      He DOES look feline, doesn’t he?? Good call. I find conspiracy theorists irritating at best, batshit crazy at worst. Multiple shooters, UFO coverups, people who think the government knew about the Pearl Harbor attack or the 9/11 attack in advance, etc.

      Actually, true story: FDR et al did know there would eventually be a Japanese attack. But they thought it would be at Guam, and not so soon. It seems they underestimated.

      • 

        In Casablanca Peter Lorre asks Bogie why he came to Casablanca.
        “For the waters.”
        “But Rick, there are no waters.”
        “I was misinformed.”
        So…yeah…FDR was misinformed. The 9/11 conspiracy theorists actually kind of piss me off. I can’t talk to those guys. I end up getting quite angry.

  4. 

    Weebs –

    It makes me sad to know that we diverge on such weighty issues as skim milk – I think it’s the nectar of the gods…. the very skinny, health conscious, gods.

    But I’m right there with you on your points about television shows using strong female characters instead of brainless, boob-full victims. I’ve heard of the American Horror Story show, but haven’t checked it out yet. I had NO idea it had such an amazing cast of leading ladies – Kathy Bates is one of my favs (second only to Judi Dench). How many seasons will I be compelled to catch up on?

    Oh, and I think that the Hallmark store is the WORST retailer out there as far as pre-ejaculatory Christmas spirit. I walked in there to buy a birthday card for someone a few weeks ago, and I nearly went postal when I saw santa rearing his over-commercialized head at me already.

    Linda

    • 

      I so wish I could agree with you on the skim milk issue, Linda. Liking skim milk (or, as I saw on a sign in a grocery store once, “skin milk” *shudder*) would make my life so much easier.

      You MUST check out American Horror Story then. Kathy Bates is great in it, but she’s pretty great in everything. I love Judi Dench too.

      As for Hallmark, they can fuck themselves.

      • 

        Not to sound like a skim milk pusher, but have you tried organic skim milk? It looks and tastes more like 2%. And now if you follow me down this dark alley and behind my windowless panel truck, I can sell you a quart for half price….. but don’t tell the CIA…. I think they’re onto me.

        • 

          Really? Interesting. I buy organic 2% milk, I’ve never been able to bring myself to try the organic skim. My associates and I will meet you in the dark alley so that we can conduct business. Mum’s the word.

          • 

            Well, if you’re drinking organic 2% (which probably tastes a lot like regular whole milk), then maybe you shouldn’t drop down to skim right away – wouldn’t want you to go through the fatty DTs. Try the 1% and report back. You can slip your findings to me in an unmarked envelope with the code word “Moo, moo motherfucker” on it.

            • 

              Consider it done. I’ll have one of my henchmen send it over. To verify his identity, say, “Rapunzel, Rapunzel, let down your hair,” to which he’ll reply, “Fuck you.” That’s how you’ll know it’s him.

  5. 

    I’m going to chisel these onto some stone tablets and take them to the mount, goddammit.

    • 

      IT’S GOSPEL, BABY.

      And of course I’m instantly reminded of that Mel Brooks scene in History of the World Part II where he has fifteen commandments, and then drops one of the tablets and then presents ten commandments.

  6. 

    I’m not going to disagree with anything on this list because I’m scared of you.

  7. 

    Why does yogurt have to suck so much? I want to like it, but it’s just not happening.

  8. 

    It bugs me that you can’t tell when yogurt has gone bad. Frozen yogurt is divine! I agree with you about TV women/girl children. Few strong females at all to be found – and when they do show up, they’re killed off or they get in danger and a man saves them.

    • 

      Right on, Snoring Dog. On all counts. How does one know if yogurt has gone bad, if it always tastes “off”? I do like a good frozen yogurt though. And how many times do we need to see a chick running from danger, only to trip and fall just as she’s about to make her final escape? If it were only a silly cliche it would be funny, but at this point it’s just insulting.

  9. 

    Skim milk is fucking useless, and yogurt makes me fart, so there you have that. Oh, and fuck Christmas. Please note I’m f-bombing on your fucking behalf.

  10. 

    I like yogurt and skim milk, but I like you better–so I will rethink my allegiances (ha ha)

  11. 

    I couldn’t agree more with you on everything. Right on.

  12. 

    I’m moving to a Dallas suburb on Saturday, the day after the 50 year anniversary. I’ve been thinking about that day a lot lately, and over time I’ve come to think the same way as you do about it.
    I like Cumberbatch, he was a very good Kahn, and I think he could someday make a very good Dr. Who. He does look creepy though.
    Thanks for not sugar coating, for once. Finally.

    • 

      It’s hard not to think about conspiracy with the Kennedy assassination, but yeah, I think it was just Oswald. I agree, I think Mr. Cumberbatch would make an excellent Doctor one day. Precisely because he looks creepy. Still haven’t seen the latest Star Trek, I’m still not sure how I feel about someone other than Ricardo Montalban playing Khan. Eventually I’ll see it, though–I’ve heard he was very good.

      Safe travels to your new home, BroJo!

    • 

      Also, thank you for humoring me in my bold new experiment in speaking my mind. I appreciate your patience.

  13. 

    I’ve never seen American Horror Story: Coven. But what a cast! Is it about witches, Weebs? Great list, Weebs. But I would suggest that if you’ve never had Noosa yogurt, you might want to give it a try. It’s a Greek-style yogurt that’s not sour, made from Australian cultures and organic milk right here in Fort Collins, Colorado! I’ve seen it in Florida, so it might also be available in NJ and it is awesome. Trust me on this one. The only problem is, it’s addictive…

    • 

      It is indeed about witches, Cathy. It’s a great show. The acting is great, the writing is great, the characters are great. So many greats here. I’ll have to give Noosa a try, I’m sure I can find it somewhere. And thanks for the heads up about its addictive properties…

  14. 

    This, coming from the man who quotes Pet Shop Boys lyrics in his post titles. At least Rush has literary merits.

  15. 

    I like this – let’s keep this up.

    BUT I have to say one thing. The fact that you stopped at 8 instead of a traditional 10 bullets has my OCD all flared up and my neck tic-ing. I feel like this is unfinished and this is a problem.

    Love,

    Eric

    • 

      You complete me, Eric. I sat up trying to think of 2 more points because the idea of leaving it at 8 bothered me too. But I couldn’t think of any succinct items to add. Sigh. I failed you, and this makes me grieve.

      • 

        Let’s do this – we’ll complete this thing in the comments section – so we can call this finished. Do you watch The Big Bang Theory? The latest episode sums this problem up nicely – this unfinished business makes my brain itchy.

        * I don’t believe anyone’s ever set foot on the moon

        * I don’t buy the idea that when airplanes fly over us the jet stream is actually poisonous venom the government is controlling the population with.
        <3

  16. 

    See, the thing is, Geddy Lee IS hot. Benedict Cumberbatch merely creates the illusion of hot for those who don’t understand True Hotness.

    Our email convo was just at the right time, as I had been thinking about this for a while before we discussed it. It’s about fucking time these broads got a showcase.

  17. 

    I saw the word “coed” in here and it made my colon tighten. Nicely done, sir. I can tolerate 1% milk but I prefer not to. Skim milk fucking blows (I’m cursing up a storm in the comments section, apparently). You have a great Monday too!

  18. 

    I have to see American Horror Story: Coven. As a mentally disordered person, I stayed away from Asylum. But I love witch stories. And you think it’s awesome, so it must be. I love Sleepy Hollow ’cause the cast is so diverse. Black people, white people, Asian people. And witches!

    • 

      Asylum was still pretty good, even though it was also pretty disturbing, so I can see why you wanted to stay away. But Coven is really compelling stuff. I have yet to see Sleepy Hollow, but I keep hearing good things about it. And if *you* like it, then I’ll have to check it out!

  19. 

    I’m with you on all points – I’ve been to Dealey Plaza and it’s tiny. From the School Book Depository window the shot is simple. Senseless things seem like they need to be more complicated than they are. Coven is so well done, Jessica Lange is amazing, kudos to her for carrying a series over three seasons like this.

    • 

      I agree, artsi. I’ve watched a bunch of documentaries where they recreate the setting, and you’re right, the shot isn’t a big deal, especially for a guy who was trained as a rifleman. Ultimately, so many things that seem complex have really simple stuff behind them. Hats off to Jessica Lange, she was away from acting for too long. So glad she has such a great showcase.

  20. 

    Chobani makes a coconut, dark chocolate, and toasted almond “yogurt” that is delicious. I don’t even know how they can get away with calling it yogurt. Everything else, I’m right there with you.
    Oh- and I took a photo of a huge Santa on display in Walmart in September.

  21. 

    I’ve heard sick things surrounding Marilyn before and after her death and sadly I believe them. She was in a very vulnerable position despite her status.

  22. 

    Most yogurt sucks, but there are a few rare ones that are give the sense that they’re just whipped cream in a clever disguise. I suspect they’re about as healthy, too, but if everyone says yogurt is a sensible alternative to eating sticks of butter, I won’t rock the boat.

    Cumberbatch is DEEPLY funny-looking. It’s a good thing he’s an English actor.

    …and public maiming is an excellent penalty for that offense, as long as it’s protracted and thorough. Christmas shouldn’t interfere with Hallowe’en, and is should keep its merry face decently hidden until after Remembrance Day.

    You are rocking on all cylinders, Madame.

    • 

      Greetings, dear sir! I have yet to encounter a yogurt that’s evocative of whipped cream, but if I did, I’d ignore any sneaking suspicions about their lack of healthful merits.

      If Cumberbatch were American, I suspect he wouldn’t be perceived as nearly as attractive or charming.

      Protracted, thorough, exquisitely painful maiming for anyone who trots out Christmas before mid November. Yes.

  23. 

    I hadn’t thought about the co-ed thing before, but yeah. Yeah. I even agree with the clue pill being shoved down the throats of those who use the term. This is a verbal problem that requires a violent solution.

  24. 

    I am so with you on 3, 4, and 5. I’m really loving Coven. Talk about great actresses. Jessica Lange is phenomenal, and this season her force is matched by Angela Bassett, another wonder woman (and one who apparently never ages–she looks amazing). And yes, get rid of the word ‘co-ed.’ And while we’re at it, can we get rid of the word ‘panties’ too? I really, really hate it.

  25. 

    Secret pleasure, whole milk from a glass bottle, screw cholesterol — I tell my doctor I do it because I can’t swallow those damn big calcium pills. Benedict C. is so-way-charming you wouldn’t believe it, and kind of elfin looking in real life, even though he’s tall and has that resonant voice ;) . OR maybe because I’m at the age where I’m thinking about arteries and bone density, everybody under the age of 40 looks young and adorable to me…

    • 

      Calcium pills = horse pills. So you’ve seen Mr. Cumberbatch in real life then, Vickie? He does have a nice voice, it seems so odd to be coming out of his mouth. Kind of like when I heard Rick Astley for the first time. I had a hard time reconciling his voice with his appearance. It just doesn’t compute.

  26. 

    Oh this was a goodie. Am with you on everything but the yogurt. Of course I add granola and anything I else I can to negate the yogurt’s sour under-taste. Hmmm maybe I do have a 100% enjoyment factor of your secret thoughts.
    American Horror Story is the best show on TV hands down. Jessica Lange has long been a favorite actress of mine. Did you ever see her performance in Francis? A bio film on the life of Hollywood actress Francis Farmer. It is shockingly painful and disturbing to watch. Without Lange in the title role I’m pretty sure this film would never have hit me and left such an impression.
    Fuck yeah keep those F bombs coming.

    • 

      Fuck yeah, Rachael! I fucking loved Jessica Lange in Frances. I knew very little about Frances Farmer until the movie, and Jessica Lange was amazing in it. I agree, she made the film, which was indeed shockingly painful and disturbing, and so sad.

  27. 

    I completely agree with you about Lee Harvey Oswald, where are these nutters getting a second shooter from? Although I do think something is a little odd about Marilyn Monroe’s death but it’s one of those things that I can’t quite put my finger on. Although if I probably did put my finger on it, I’d probably die pretty soon afterward. What has happened to the world of TV where the older lady was revered and the leader of the family? We need a new sitcom based along those lines. And we need it now! Although yoghurt? How can you not like yoghurt?!?!

    • 

      Can you start writing for television ASAFP, Bennie? That would be great, thanks. I know, the yog(h)urt thing. I used to love Dannon’s banana yogurt. But then they discontinued that flavor and I haven’t found a yogurt I like since.

      • 

        Banana yog(h)urt? What kind of monstrosity is this? Banana plus yoghurt? Wrong on so many levels in my book. I’m thinking a sitcom with three women living together while at university/college who live in a house with a clever, wise-cracking and elderly woman. How does it sound so far?

        • 

          Bennie, Bennie, Bennie. Sigh. You obviously haven’t experienced the Joy That Is Banana Yog(h)urt. I weep for you.

          Has the show “Hot in Cleveland” made it over to you across the pond? Because what you’re describing is pretty much that show, except that instead of three college chicks, it’s 3 women in their 50s, plus Betty White as the elder stateswoman. But I say give your idea a go because it’s a good’un too.

  28. 

    Lemme see…
    1 – Agree. Oswald was a nutty attention seeker.
    2 – I think the old gal just OD’ed all by her lone self.
    3 – Dickens would love that name.
    4 – I work at a university and no one here calls ‘em co-eds. So – and here’s a shocker – the mainstream media may be out of touch.
    5 – Gee, I thought most females lost all acting ability once they hit their mid-30’s. Why else would they have such trouble finding roles?
    6 – Skim milk shouldn’t even have the word “milk” associated wit it.
    7 – Good. More for me then.
    8 – I’m for doing that to any retailer who pimps Christmas crap before Thanksgiving. Yeah, look at me taking a stand.

    • 

      You are badass, John, look at you taking a stand. So you think MM just OD’d, eh? I’m not sure which is more of a bummer, the idea of her OD’ing or the idea of someone bumping her off. I guess from her point of view, they both kind of suck. It never occurred to me that the mainstream media might be out of touch. You think? Perhaps you’re right. Hmm.

  29. 

    Um, whut?

  30. 

    I am glad you said this about Benedict Cumberbatch. I agree with you on both points. If I was making a film, he would be cast as the creepy, terrible leader of the opposing fraternity.

    I disagree with you about yogurt though. Have you ever tried full fat greek yogurt? It rivals ice cream in it’s sumptuousness. Although, on that point, I think you need to like honey and I know that isn’t the case. We can only be glad we have meatballs in common.

  31. 

    We’re in total agreement about Benedict Cumberbatch.

    • 

      Katie, it warms my heart to know that so many people share my feelings on BC. For a while, l was a pariah because everyone else thought he was so groovy and I didn’t. Now I’m a pariah for other reasons.

  32. 

    Weebs,
    Fuck. There I said it for you. Ha…shy. What?!! I agree about American Horror Story and its female roles. I’ve never watched Coven, but I will now. Yeah, what’s up with all that? I think cable is really taking the lead in top-notch, well-written show that spotlight women in versatile roles. It’s about time, dammit! I force myself to eat yogurt. The Greek vanilla isn’t bad, Weebs. I’m just eating up your post because it’s so delicious.
    Amy

    • 

      Fucking hell, Honeybee. You swore! Give Coven a try, it’s truly enjoyable.

      I used to force myself to eat yogurt but one day I finally said, “Enough. I will not eat this sour slop anymore.” I’ll have to try more varieties of Greek yogurt, maybe there’s one I’ll like.

  33. 

    I like your list. Concur with all but #’s 2, 6, & 7. I have abnormally high cholesterol (talk about blows!) and of necessity have actually learned to like plain non-fat yogurt (as long as it’s Chobani) and skim milk. Consume both on a daily basis. As for Marilyn, she was a lost soul her entire short life and was destined to become an OD statistic. Especially makes sense given the trouble she was having just trying to cope with the last six months of her life. In fact, I think she had reached the point where she no longer cared if she “accidentally” OD’d.

    And, oh, American Horror Story. “This coven doesn’t need a new supreme. It needs a new rug.” I could roll naked in that show, I love it so much.

    • 

      I feel you on the high cholesterol, Mary. Mine has gone up a few points just thinking about whole milk. You could well be right about poor Marilyn, I just hate to think that she OD’d. For some reason I feel better thinking she was rubbed out by some Kennedy minion.

      That line from Fiona was a beauty, wasn’t it?? I would happily join you in rolling naked in that show.

  34. 

    Let’s find that Christmas in September person and Christmas Vacation lights him! ;)

  35. 

    I think you think a lot more than you’re letting on and this is just a teaser and that you probs love books like ‘Behold a Pale Horse’ and that you probs have strong feelings about run on sentences.

  36. 

    LET IT OUT, for the love of Geddy Lee, before you explode! You’re scaring me with all this sweetness and light. By the way, I had no idea who Benedict Cumberbatch was until you mentioned him. So I googled the name and here’s what I found: “Benedict Cumberbatch is a gay erotic god in China”. Thank you for completing my education…

  37. 

    If I were to guess, then I’d say you’re the type of person with concrete opinions. However, you’re not trying to stand in the way of people liking such dairy products as skim milk and yogurt. You’ve just decided for yourself. As an aside, I think people have created an unrealistic expectation anymore that “all opinions are interactive.”

    A worker for the State department blew a fuse (popped a breaker?), when I thought the government should be open on Veteran’s day because the rest of us were open and they got paid during the furlough. I had some Federal business to conduct at the time, and had to adjust my schedule again (shutdown) for something that I got a little screwed over for. The citizens were really the ones that lost in that whole nightmare.

    What she didn’t understand was I had an opinion based on several years experience dealing with the Feds (IRS, Dept. of Ed, COD, NSLDS, VA, IPEDS, SAIG, and so on), and I have the right to an opinion. It wasn’t up for debate and I didn’t even seek her out to harass her; it was simply posted as a status update. She came to me for a fight, even after I told her she was free to think adversely about my opinion. “That’s fair,” I thought. Her happy meals will taste the same. I think the fact of denying her that familiarity struck at her need to control people. I know I certainly wasn’t going to put up with the badgering. Although, that’s the quickest response I’ve seen out of the Federales to date. :D

    By the way, I always thought “co-ed” simply meant it had both sexes together (i.e. “co-ed” dorms), as to opposed to a singular sex. It never seemed (to me, anyway) that it was meant as a pejorative. Then again, I don’t commit a fraction of the BS other men do. I think it’s because I decided to go my own way instead of run with a pack.

    Regardless, sound off Madame Weebles! This is your space.

    • 

      You are a kind gentleman, Corvidae. I suspect that you are far more sensitive and far less apt to do douchey things that many guys do, sir.

      People really do get their noses out of joint for silly things. Like you said, her happy meals will taste the same, no matter if your opinion agrees with hers or not. But I laughed at the part about how that was the fastest you’d ever heard from a Federal employee.

      As for the co-ed thing, the term stems from the time when most colleges started seeing a lot of women enrolling, in a co-educational environment as opposed to the all-male campuses that were more common. And co-ed housing too. It was a perfectly understandable term back in the day, but given that most colleges are now fully co-ed, and with so many women in college these days, it seems antiquated and kind of silly.

  38. 

    Had my first Santa sighting yesterday. He was on a billboard drinking a Coca-Cola Classic. I flipped him the bird, and then promised to write an apology letter before his elves brake in and string me up with lights.

  39. 

    I’ve been fascinated by the Kennedy footage everywhere the last couple of days. I’d never seen most of it, had never really heard “the whole” story, or even what was behind most of the conspiracies. Initially I was going to say that it seemed fairly straight forward that Oswald was the lone gunman… but, then something bothered me about his earlier assassination attempt on General Walker – Oswald missed, from close range, with the same rifle, and his target wasn’t moving. He improved that quickly to then hit 2 of 3 targets, from an awkward angle, a target moving away from him, from a much greater distance? Not impossible… but, interesting.

  40. 

    It’s good to get all that thinking out of your head. I’m sure it was clogging space in there for new thoughts. A good airing out is worthwhile. I can almost feel the breeze here.

    • 

      It feels a lot better in my head now, WWB. I bet you can indeed feel the breeze from there, it’s positively windy between my ears now. Now I have all kinds of room for more opinions on things that really matter, like ice cream.

  41. 

    American Horror Story is the fucking bomb!

  42. 

    Conspiracy theorists! Aagghhh!!! There is no reasoning with them, and yet we still try! Why? Why do we try? I do like yogurt though.

    • 

      I dunno, Vanessa. I guess we keep hoping that they’ll finally see reason. But they never do. Maybe English yog(h)urt is better than American yog(h)urt? Maybe it’s like the chocolate thing. Maybe there’s a plot to keep Americans plied with subpar food products. CONSPIRACY!!

  43. 

    I still question whether that whole “letting women into college” thing was a good idea.

  44. 

    Hello everybody my name is Jim and I am a wacko conspiracy theorist. My addiction started out simple enough, just as an experiment, . . . but I got sucked in when I actually did an in depth study of the Kennedy killing.

    Please people stay away from hard studies . . . and live on mass media bullshit. Life is so much easier when you don’t have this monkey on your back. . . .

    • 

      Well hello Jim! I need to know more about what you’ve learned, and your thoughts, whatever you’d like to share. I’m serious, I would genuinely like to know, no bashing or mocking.

      • 

        Hi . . . I was in Asia in the army when Kennedy got shot, never thought much about it until i came home and started reading stuff about the assassination. First off . .. Oswald was not a great shot because a shooter would not attempt the shot he did using the type of rifle he used. The target was moving away from him . . . this makes it difficult to figure drop and he had trees between him and the target which made it harder yet. . . guys have tried to replicate what he supposedly had done and as far as I know nobody can. I think he was a patsy.

        The shot that blew Kennedy’s brains out was from the right front somewhere between the eye and the temple. When hit, his head snapped to the rear left and a blood cloud blew back the same way . . . (This is all known, but debunked as being an illusion or some such shit)

        There quite a few witnesses around the grassy knoll who swore there were shots from that direction. . . most who (15) supposedly died of unnatural causes soon thereafter.

        Look on utube . . . https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jWHdEeHNbXY

        This is the shot that convinced me . . . that and the fact that JFK was rethinking Vietnam and was about to back out of the war there. . . . lots more, but this forum sucks . . . maybe I’ll blog it.

        • 

          I would very much enjoy reading a blog post from you about this. It’s all food for thought.

          • 

            The best way to figure these events out is to see what happens AFTER the deed is done . . . Kennedy was reluctant to commit to Nam full bore, he even was going to sign the day following his death, a withdrawal from that which he had already committed. . . . right after the killing Johnson was full bore up to his neck in it . . .( that should raise a flag)

            since JFK this country has changed drastically on many fronts . . . IMO it was the beginning of the slide we now find ourselves on . . . .

            IMO a conspiracy theory is just as viable an explanation to these things than the party line is . . . there are intelligent people as well as kooks on both sides . . .

            the only reason I got into this is really to make a point that the first ploy to be used in an argument these days seem to be dehumanizing the enemy . . . not a very good way of learning anything.

            believe in aliens . . . you’re a kook
            conspiracy? . . . you’re a kook
            problems with Obamacare? . . . you’re a kook . . . and the beat goes on.

            I thought about the blog post, but I’m doing survival right now . . . then self defense . . . then back to spiritual philosophy . . .

            Kennedy is one of those things a guy either believes or he doesn’t . . . I think 53% believe in a conspiracy and the rest don’t. I doubt the truth will ever be known . . . but I know guns and that junk bolt action rifle Oswald had would not have done the job. Who else was in on it? JFK had a LOT of powerful enemies.

  45. 

    I hate olives. Whenever I tell anyone that, they tell me I just haven’t tasted any good olives. I’ve tried all kinds of olives. I hate them.

    Having said that — there’s yogurt, and there’s yogurt. Commercial flavored yogurt is nowhere near as good as plain Greek yogurt with some sweetener-of-choice and fresh berries mixed in.

    • 

      Hi Laura! I happen to love olives, but I understand your situation. For example, I don’t like beer. I’ve been told, “Oh, you can’t go by American beers like Budweiser, you need to try good beer.” No, I need to just not drink beer because I don’t like it.

      Greek yogurt is definitely superior to the ordinary crap, it has such a nice creamy texture. Maybe I just need to keep trying different brands. And I’ll try your suggestion about adding some sweetener and fresh berries to plain Greek yogurt. It would be nice to actually enjoy something that’s healthy-ish.

  46. 

    If I don’t drop the F bomb on a regular basis, I get all bound up, and then have to do a good cleansing, and they all shoot out—kind of like a bad case of diarrhea. I’ve been hearing good things about American Horror Story. I think it’s on Netflix now, so maybe I will try to catch up. Umm. .. certain kinds of yogurt I like–the German and the Greek kind–all other companies to just fucking give it up. And HRH Madame Weebles is correct, what exactly is the fucking point of skim milk? Why bother?

    • 

      I share your affliction, Sexypants. You need to let out the swear words on a regular basis otherwise you get backed up. Then when you have your cleansing, you end up sounding like you have Tourette’s. It’s unfortunate. By all means start watching AHS, you won’t regret it!

      And seriously, skim milk—no. It’s basically water with some blue-white coloring.

  47. 

    Did you say anything important? I wasn’t listening.

  48. 

    I’m glad someone else around here admits that yogurt is fucking disgusting. Because it is. And anyone who says anything to the contrary is just a gigantic liar.

  49. 

    I actually had no clue co-eds was meant for female students. I thought…I’m not sure what it was meant for. The only place I ever heard it was Girls Gone Wild commercials.

    • 

      Whassup Tim!! You’re another person whose blog I have to visit, it’s been way too fucking long. It doesn’t surprise me that Girls Gone Wild uses the term “co-eds.” So charming.

  50. 

    No f-bombs! Good for you. All that highly expensive therapy is paying off then.

    co-eds. As far as I can tell, this is an american thing. I can’t read any oriental languages, so maybe they use the term over there, but I’m guessing not. It is patently ridiculous. Even Queen Vicky would have relented on the shock value of men and women being educated (or anything else for that matter) in the same building.

    Glad you saw the dead guy comment. Amazing, mere clicks from greatness. It’s what the interwebs were invented for.

    Cheers!

    • 

      My shrink is so proud of me, Nigel. Next, we’re going to work on negative reinforcement and my urge to give people the finger. For each time I flip people the bird, I get a mild electric shock.

      Totally agree that even Queen Victoria would have thought it was ridiculous to be shocked by men and women going to school together. She was a randy one, so I think she would have found it quite titillating.

  51. 

    My friend told me how to make your own yogurt…just can’t.

  52. 

    September – Shops in UK started selling beginning of August for christmas LOL

  53. 

    Ha. I love skim milk and not only did Oswald not work alone, but check out TWA 800 sometime. THAT will force you to look at our government a little differently :-). And if it makes you feel better, I have no idea who Branislav Cumberbun is.

    • 

      Oh, my dear Battlewagon. You had me at Branislav Cumberbun. I’ve heard the rumors about TWA 800, not sure what I believe about that. I suppose it wouldn’t surprise me if the rumors were true, but on the other hand, I have a hard time believing that a plane being shot down could be kept so quiet in this day and age. But who knows, you know?

  54. 

    I must disagree with the first half of number 3 – Benedict Cumberbatch is the sexiest Sherlock EVER and I do love his awkward phenomenal name. But on the flip side, I think Geddy is weird looking so we can call it even-steven or ephen-stephen.

  55. 

    Skim milk DOES suck. So do egg white omelettes.

    What are your thoughts on Princess Diana’s death? I think she met the same fate poor Marilyn did.

    I’d also just like to say….BACK TO BACK WEEBLES POSTS? My heart can’t handle it.

    • 

      I wonder about Diana’s death too. Seems awfully convenient, doesn’t it?? I’m not sure how they would have managed to orchestrate that accident, but I do wonder.

      Egg white omelettes are like decaf coffee: why bother? They suck ass, and not in a good way.

      I know, two Weebles posts. It’s almost more than my *own* heart can handle.

  56. 

    I love American Horror Story, Jessica Lange has been incredible in each series. And this season is even better with her interplay with Kathy Bates. I had this debate with someone as they pointed out there are plenty of strong female roles in TV right now. Whilst true that is not the full picture, see Claire Danes in Homeland, they cast her as a crazy woman with her bi-polar, and Brodie’s wife is a lame character, I much preferred her tearing up the earth in V. I still hark back to Northern Exposure as my all time fave and best ensemble show ever, the female characters were amazing, I’d want for nothing more than to sit in Holling’s bar having a chin wag with Ruth-Ann, Maggie and Marilyn. If you want to see an appalling representation of women look no further than The Client List, I wrote about it the other week, it’s complete trash, I watch each episode with my mouth agape at the sheer stupidity of it.

    I’ve always had great female role models. Gay men usually go for the same icons, Barbara Streisand?? Give me Patti Smith thanks. Madonna? Nope, Kim Gordon please. I’ll give them Dolly though.

    I had tickets to see The Pixies this weekend but since Kim Deal left I have lost my excitement, no one can rock the bass and uh-huh-huh over Tame like Kim. Also got Superchunk after that but Laura no longer goes on tour, gutted. Just listed three great female band members and they are all bass players, weird.

    • 

      Well, there’s still The Breeders for Kim Deal goodness, at least. She kicks ass, most mightily. It would be pretty cool to hang out at Holling’s bar with those gals, Ruth-Ann especially. As long as I didn’t have to talk to Shelly, she annoyed the shit out of me.

      I’ve often wondered about the choice of gay men’s female icons. I find it fascinating, how the gay community embraces some women and not others. Judy Garland, Shirley Bassey, Bette Midler, Cher, Barbra Streisand, Dolly, Madonna, etc. So interesting. And your choices, Joe, are quite refreshing.

      • 

        Awwwe, Shelly was a grower, I can’t dislike anyone in that town, even Maurice who was usually a bit of a prick.

        I’ll have to ask one of the old queens where this connection originated from. I’m guessing it has origins to drag as they were easy to impersonate and they’ve always embraced their gay fans.

        A guy I know was doing a fundraiser in my pub last night, he does shouty spoken word comedic poetry. I said they would eat him alive (actually my words were they’ll gobble you up but I meant the same thing). It didn’t go down well, unless someone is dragged up and belting out a showtune the audience there doesn’t get it. I’m not berating the scene, it’s a part of my life, I just find it quite limiting. The people I know at least don’t have much knowledge of anything outside this little world, it’s like there is a Being Gay for Dummies book that they use as their bible :-D

        • 

          I hadn’t thought of that, about the women who are easier to impersonate. And those women have indeed embraced their gay fans, bless them! My heart goes out to your shouty spoken word comedy friend, maybe if he dressed in drag and tried it as Tallulah Bankhead, it would go over better.

  57. 

    This list is amazing. I’m not sure what I think of JFK but I am right there with you on Marilyn Monroe and Benedict Cumberbatch. And the COED thing! Are you in my brain or something?! That drives me craaaazy. I’ve never watched American Horror Story… maybe I should check it out…

    • 

      High-five, Aussa! And my best advice to you is RUN, DON’T WALK, to your nearest streaming video and start with the first season of American Horror Story and work your way through to the current series. You will NOT regret it.

  58. 

    Tell us how you really feel, Madame!! Let it all hang out, even the f bombs. :)

  59. 

    Okay….excuse us while we gather ourselves because we’re on the floor laughing!! Fanfuckingtastic post! We wanted to make sure we dropped the bomb for ya!! Hi Madame, we are new to your blog by way of mutual blogging friend Carrie Rubin. Luv your list, agree with all except for the yogurt which I agree with, but Inion doesn’t. This coming from an inappropriate relationship with yogurt, more specifically Chobani. Yuk!!
    American Horror Story addicts, we absolutely agree with you, my female crunch: Jessica Lange, Inion’s: Angela Bassett. If I we’re those young girls, I’d be in awe acting around them, just absorbing their mojo. Because we are new to your blog, we don’t know how you we’re before this post. Because you mentioned that you will no longer be holding back. We do want to ask that you keep to this decision & do this more often, because when your right girl…you are damn right!! Love your blog, love your sense of humor & will most definitely be coming back & reading more of your brilliant posts.

    • 

      I suck, and not in a good way, because it’s taken me this long to reply to the comments on this post, from almost a month ago.

      Ladies, it is a pleasure to see you here. A real fucking pleasure. I have to amend my previous comment about yogurt, as I’ve recently discovered the joys of certain Chobani flavors–specifically the coconut yogurt with the chocolate and almond mix-ins, and the banana yogurt with the chocolate mix-ins. I could eat that stuff all day. It’s like dessert.

      With regard to your question about my previous blog posts, I am pleased to be able to assure you that I actually *never* hold back, I was being sarcastic about finally letting loose. It’s kind of hard to find a post when I’m NOT spewing, in fact. And seriously, how fantastic is American Horror Story, with all those amazing women??

  60. 

    Do you think all yogurt sucks? What about 1/2 cup frozen yogurt covered in 1/3 cup of hot fudge and 1/3 cup of caramel?

  61. 

    Not only should we shout out the shows that feature women (and wonderful actresses) over the age of 50, but on the other hand, how about a big YUCKO to those actresses 50 and over who find it necessary to have face lifts, and can no longer emote with their facial muscles? Frustrates me horribly when I see these poor creatures on the screaming screen. COME ON, women, I want to shout. BE YOURSELF, pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaasssssssssssseeeeeeeeeeeee.

    • 

      I know exactly what you mean—some of these women have destroyed their faces in an effort to stay beautiful and young looking. Ironic, no? If women continue to alter themselves under the pressure to look a certain way, we’re never going to get anywhere. Jessica Lange did have some unfortunate plastic surgery a while back but fortunately she looks a lot better now than she did when she first had the work done. But Kathy Bates, Angela Bassett, and all those other wonderful females on the show—they all look GREAT.

  62. 

    I believe that Oswald acted alone, too!

    But we totally faked the moon landing. I mean, wake up, people!

  63. 

    No f-bomb are you trying for a trifecta?

  64. 

    I hope it’s still okay for me to swear. Just fuckin’ sayin’.

  65. 

    Where is Madame Weebles and what have you done with her? And do you guys have any single sex schools over there?

    • 

      When you say “You guys”, Mr. Babbage, do you mean actual guys, or us Yanks in general? There are still all-female colleges (Yours Truly attended one), and the non-government military institutes (like VMI and the Citadel) are still mostly male, if not all male. But in all other situations, the term “coed” is pretty asinine.

  66. 

    AHS: Coven = A-MAY-ZING. A nearly all woman cast, varied and complex characters, badassery everywhere, myriad body types, ages, faces. It’s like the real world with fucking MAGIC.

    I didn’t know about your unlove of yogurt, I’m going to need some time to recover from this one.

  67. 

    Amen! Preach it, woman! As for #4, i think the clue pill should actually be a suppository.

  68. 

    Why didn’t I comment when this post was first posted? I know. Because I’m an idiot on occasion. *facepalm*.

    I agree with you about skimmed milk. Semi-skimmed is better, but full fat is absolute best. Even better than that is what we call in the UK “Gold top” which has a lovely thick huge lump of cream at the top of the bottle. Now, that stuff makes good porridge.

  69. 

    1) I agree.
    2) I agree?
    3) I think he’s hot.
    4) What does co-ed even mean?
    5) Read my book when it comes out.
    6) My bum hurts.
    7) Really really hurts.
    8) You didn’t go far enough. Castrate. Chop. Repeat.

    Oh yeah. Fuck.

  70. 

    We need to nominate you for office.
    Even if you slipped and fell down, you’d get back up and run in bare feet – without any help.

  71. 

    I love skim milk but hate yogurt. I like skim milk because it feels so clean going down my throat as opposed to milk with cream in it. I had to give up skim milk though because hubby would not try it. He rarely has milk, but for the once a month he might want some, I have to buy 1% milk.

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