Meet the Madame

“Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no weebles…”
— Psalm 23, Weebles Edition of the King James Bible

Welcome. If you’re looking for sweet, inspirational posts with rainbows, unicorns, babies and stuff, you’ve come to the wrong fucking blog.

If, however, you aren’t offended by copious amounts of swearing and ranting, if you enjoy Hot Dead Guys and Chicks, psychic phenomena, snide commentary, dramatic and/or pseudo-dramatic storytelling, and the occasional post about Pickles the Cat, then you’re in the right place.

Come on in and fix yourself a drink or two. Help yourself to some hors d’oeuvres. And pay no mind to the guy over there lying in the pool of blood. He’s just…sleeping.

223 responses to Meet the Madame

  1. 

    And Weebles…Weebles rock…the new Weebles suck…bring back the old ones, I say!

  2. 

    I agree, Jennifer—the new ones are embarrassingly ugly. Old-school Weebles all the way. Thanks for stopping by!

    • 

      Oh good, I’m not the only one that thinks this… old-school weebles were a solid part of my early childhood. I had a Weebles submarine and loved it so much. A picture of it (and me) exists, somewhere in my folks’ house.

      • 

        Hello sir! I never had Weebles as a child. I was severely deprived. So I had to make up for it as an adult by acquiring Weebles on eBay. I seem to recall a friend having the Weebles submarine. Good times. Those newfangled Weebles that are out now aren’t the same. I weep for kids today, not knowing what a real Weeble looks like.

        • 

          I forgot to say that I am inspired to borrow a photo from my folks of me with that awesome submarine. Thank you!

          p.s. as you are in NYC, I don’t suppose you’ve heard of Suckadelic? I don’t think he should ever do a Weebles send-up, for old-school Weebles are perfect as is, but he’s done some funky fun things with molds of old toys, and I was just wondering if you were familiar with him.

  3. 

    Thanks for following. I look forward to reading more about hot dead guys!

  4. 

    And thank you as well, for expanding my own blogosphere.

    Mme Weebles

  5. 

    If you are an old lady at 44, what does that make me at 52? Damn you. Funny “about” though and you had me at liking animals to people. I’m in!

  6. 

    I just had to click on your Gravatar to make sure it was what I thought it was and yes, I was right. It is a kitten sniper.

    AHHHH HAHAHAHAHA

  7. 

    HAHA…. I love it… brillant blog…
    I also have a serious preference to fancy pens that make my writing appear much more artistic than it is and I am a huge and possibly only 1 of ten people who love to still use pencils ! Thanks for your follow! I look forward to your posts! :)

    • 

      Thank you for your follow as well—also, I love Irish stuff (and as you’ll discover if you peruse through my entries, I have a serious thing for Irish men in particular) so I will be looking forward to reading more of your blog.

      Sláinte!

  8. 

    AH serious mis-type ….*huge fan… (not person)…of pencils…. I avoid gaining fat by chewing on the pencil.. nothing gets rid of hunger like the taste of lead ;)

    • 

      You are definitely one of the few I’ve heard of who loves to use pencils. And I think the phrase, “Nothing gets rid of hunger like the taste of lead” is a keeper.

      Welcome to the Weebles Family!

  9. 

    Thanks for stopping by and following my blog. I like what you are doing here, though I never played with Weebles when I was a kid.
    What do professional historians do?
    I could get used to a blog like this. twinkly

    • 

      And thank you for stopping by and following mine as well. I also never played with Weebles when I was a kid, so I’m making up for lost time. I now have a huge collection of Weebles on my desk and they’re threatening to take over.

      Professional historians who aren’t professors aren’t the norm, but they exist. I did writing/research/curating for museum exhibitions, mostly. It was fun, but eventually I sold out—it’s hard to make a living as a historian unless you have a trust fund or a sugar daddy. And sadly, I have neither.

  10. 
    healthyandholistic May 7, 2012 at 11:10 pm

    Congratulations! I have just awarded you with Versatile and Beautiful blog awards! http://healthyandholistic.wordpress.com/2012/05/07/my-first-blog-award-and-award-giveaway/

  11. 

    That explains it. Too, too much awesomeness on my part. Ah, don’t think so.

    But seriously. I am ready to cry over this. Any ideas?

    • 

      I just rescued two more of your comments from spam—I don’t understand, there’s no reason why it shold do that, and there’s no way to tell the WP spam filter to recognize certain comments/sources as legitimate. Not sure why WP is tinkering around, if things ain’t broke, they shouldn’t fix.

  12. 

    Oh my god, you’re me! Only I’m 43 and not a historian. And we probably live far apart, have completely different lives, and look nothing alike. Other than that, we’re exactly the same.

  13. 

    Cher Madame,
    I have added your blog to my blog roll. But do not get too excited. I don’t have high hits and no one seems to attend to my blogroll. But I know you’re there and I know you belong! twinkly

    • 

      Thank you so much! The important thing is that you have a great blog and that eventually people will realize that they’ve been missing out and will need to tune in daily.

  14. 

    Weebles wobble and they don’t fall down. Love weebles and your lineup.

  15. 

    Madame Weebles, I know this thing is going around a lot and you’ve already been nominated, but I love your blog and wanted to include it in my list. So, congratulations, you’ve been nominated for the Versatile and Beautiful Blogger Awards cubed! http://largeself.com/2012/05/19/beautiful-and-versatile-blogger-awards/

  16. 

    I’ve met my twin from different parents. a twin who is two years younger than I am. I feel blessed and kinda gassy.

  17. 

    hi … thanks for liking my blog, and welcome to my world. gotta love anyone who goes by the name of madame weebles. looks like lots of interesting stuff here, so consider me a follower (even though, by nature, i’m not)

  18. 

    You stopped by one of my blogs today…the boring one. I would like to invite you to http://nothobblingnow.wordpress.com/ there you will find everything you are hoping for. Okay, maybe not everything, but it is the fun blog.

  19. 

    Whaaaaa?! 44 is hardly considered a cranky old lady, unless you are one of those women that have a tanning problem and you look 20years older than you really are…lol.

  20. 

    Nice place you’ve got here! Thanks for stopping by my own wee naff blog. Stop in any time. I’ll put kettle on and scrounge up some biscuits!

  21. 

    Real books and analog clocks. :)

  22. 

    I have nominated you for the Versatile Blog Award. It’s okay if you choose not to accept the nomination, just know that your blog has touched me. If you choose to accept the award, here are the guidelines: http://geniespeaks.wordpress.com/2012/06/02/versatile-blogger-award/

  23. 

    Hello, MW! I’ve awarded you the Commenter/Commentator Award. Thank for your wonderful comments on my blog and your responses on yours! http://largeself.com/2012/06/08/the-commentercommentator-awards/

  24. 

    Excellent to see you here—please join us as often as you like, I’m very happy you’re here!

  25. 

    Hello Madame Weebles! Just a brief one; looking forward to getting stuck in though! Your sniper kitten and starfish are adorable by the way.

    Oh and, “What is done out of love always happens beyond good and weebles.”
    – Friedrich Wiebzsche

  26. 

    Hi…Just to let you know, I really like your blog and nominated it for a Beautiful Blog Award.

  27. 

    I’ve been reading your blog for a while now, but it was just recently I clicked on your gravatar to confirm whether in fact the kitten was doing what I thought it was. Any particular target in the cross-hairs?

    • 

      No targets, Margie—I just love this photo and it also reminds me of my favorite cat, who I didn’t have as a kitten but I’m pretty sure she would have had this attitude…

  28. 

    Love your blog! You are funny…love the subway man-junk seat hogs! Here on the west coast we don’t have subways, but those same well-endowed guys are here…they drive really big trucks to indicate their manliness or lack of. Whenever I see one I can’t help but yell out…there’s a stubby! Maybe try that on the subway!
    Thanks for checking my blog out, I’m glad to know you!

    • 

      Not sure how I missed this comment, societyred, my apologies!! I suppose our “well-endowed” friends find ways to advertise no matter where they are, eh? Hope all is well with you!

  29. 

    Hey! I got to your blog because I absolutely loved your name :D And now I love your blog :) I’m gonna follow you and look forward to reading more of your stuff.

  30. 

    Ok, as a fellow Teddy Roosevelt fan, and Reiki master, I have no choice but to follow YOU.

  31. 

    I think you forgot to mention how sexy and fun you are…

  32. 

    I love reading your blog, so I’ve nominated it for a Reader Appreciation Award!

    http://thereclininggentleman.wordpress.com/2012/07/18/reader-appreciation-award/

  33. 

    Hi, I came to visit from Clare’s blog. Very happy to make your acquaintance. I am always up for a bit more fun and humor in my life. Count me in. Beth

  34. 

    A cranky old lady wouldn’t use words like “funsies.”

    Have you been to Mount Rushmore?

    • 

      I suppose that’s true. “Funsies” isn’t the kind of word a truly cranky person would use. You busted me. D’oh.

      I have not been to Mount Rushmore, I’d like to visit one day. I’d like to be able to carve a giant mustache on Thomas Jefferson just for funsies.

  35. 

    Delighted. Most animals are nicer than most people, but people are more interesting. Except for cats, in which case it’s vice versa.

  36. 

    Dear Madame Weeble, thank you for deigning my scribblings to be worthy of your attention. At the very least, I am obnoxiously purple, so I’m glad I could please on that front. I’m off to read more as you seem to be exactly my cup of tea.

  37. 

    Dear Madame Weeble,

    You’re the first female I know whose favorite presidents are the same as mine. Keep writing and I’ll keep reading.

  38. 

    I’ve awarded you the Lovely Blog Award. Check it out here! http://allthingsboys.wordpress.com/2012/08/03/ketchup/

  39. 

    Madame Weeble, I am a crusty old broad already at the tender age of 35. I know how it is to be cranky before you’re due, and it is splendid. Love your blog!

  40. 

    Hi – I really like your place. And your name. I’m very hungry and Chinese is arriving soon. I am going to follow you and then comment on your writing pretty often. Wonderful place here, Weebles. Lalalalalalala I’ve had too many beers and I am hungry. Here comes the food. I’m in on your site.

    • 

      Apologies for the delay in replying to this, theipc–thank you for your ind words! I hope you enjoyed the Chinese. Chinese food is one of my favorite things in the whole world.

  41. 

    Hello Mdm. Weebles!
    You’ve been nominated for an award on my blog! (For real, I’m not spam)

    http://alateralplunge.wordpress.com/2012/08/13/and-the-award-goes-to/

    Congrats!

  42. 

    lol – I think I can relate to just about everything here except the television and fountain pens :D

    • 

      Welcome!! I’m so glad you’re here! Fountain pens aren’t a really popular thing, but they’re fun to write with, and the inks are such pretty colors. And television, well, I’m a junkie, I can’t help myself.

      • 

        -shiver- I’m so old I remember /having/ to use fountain pens when I went to school. I also remember being forced to learn how to write all my letters leaning to the right, with each one exactly the same height as its neighbours. Horrible. Caligraphy however is kinda fun.

  43. 

    I’ve come to you by way of Sweet Mother’s reggie… and I love you already. Haven’t read one post yet. Just this. Love, love, love. Look forward to following you. Cheers. :>

  44. 

    One wonders why there are no weebles on twitter.

  45. 

    You’re 44? You don’t look a day over invisible!

  46. 

    Your humor is delicious.

  47. 

    Madame Weebles, you are my kind of person….look forward to swimming in your blog with great smirks and warped insights. Love it!

  48. 

    The utility of Freshly Pressed is finally manifest; without it, I’d not have found this elegant collection of words, and I’d be the poorer for it. Even if this place is haunted.

  49. 

    Cool! I’ve had many a friend before, but never an honest-to-goodness Madame! Well, there WAS that one time in Columbus, Georgia, but that was during a sci-fi/fantasy con, so I’m not counting THAT one…… :D

    • 

      What happens at sci-fi/fantasy cons, stays at sci-fi/fantasy cons, John. No worries. ;) Welcome! It’s so nice so see you here!

      • 

        I don’t know if I’d say that – I met my wife-to-be at a Dallas con, and ended up bringing her up to Chicago to marry me! :D (But more details will follow in my upcoming post.)
        Oh, and don’t take this as anything creepy, but I think you have one of the sexiest Email addresses I’ve ever seen! (This from a guy who defines “Top Gun” as F-14 porn, and frequently asks “Tom WHO?”. :D )

  50. 

    I gotta ask – does the term “Blohm Und Voss BV-141″ mean anything to you? (No peeking at Wiki! ;) ) If so, I think I may be in love…… :D

  51. 

    Key point – asymmetric. Single-engined fuselage with tail to the left, canopy on the wing to the right. Crazy-looking, but actually flew well! (It’s a REALLY rare thing to find anybody who’s even heard of the dang thing! :D )
    I think I need to Email you on the side – if that’s cool with you. (Yes, I need to ask permission – I don’t need any more jealous husbands tracking me down. Um … er … not that I have any doing so NOW – wait, who is that outside? Oopsgottagocatchyalater!)

    • 

      I don’t know much about the BV-141, but now I think I’ll have to read up on it. Asymetricity in a plane?? That’s some sick twisted stuff. I do like the German flying wing, though.

      Feel free to email — you know he address! :D

  52. 

    You are supposed to be where you are…when you get there. Thank you for arriving on JOTS. No more interloping and reading Weebles in the dark. I fear not….

  53. 

    Glad I found you on FP. I love your writing and your sense of humor. You have a new fan!!

  54. 

    Excuse me? Old lady at 44? Now I’m REALLY feeling old!

    • 

      Hello there, Talk to Me, and welcome! No need to feel old, the point I make here is that I’m an old lady DESPITE being only 44. I’ve always been a cranky old lady, really, even when I was 10. I’m just starting to grow into it now. ;)

  55. 

    Good to know there’s another Luddite left on the planet – thought I was the only one left

  56. 

    I love the fact that I can’t immediately say why I feel a little buzz each time I see a new post here… but that feeling is why you sprang to mind when I received the Lovely Blog Award and had the opportunity to pass it on! Thank you for making me smile. http://simpletangles.wordpress.com/2012/10/22/moved-to-tears-ive-been-awarded/

  57. 

    Hi Fern! I love you already. Let’s be BFFs forever, shall we? Also, your name feels like it should be the name of a movie star from the 40s. It’s awesome.

  58. 

    Hello!! Pretty cool. I am a Level II Reiki Practitioner…how cray cray is dat chit? anyhoo, glad to have you pop in at Black Box and read my post! I think we’re gonna be friends…

  59. 

    don’t think you can escape me so easily–so happy to see you are back and I am other bothering you to offer you my iron–I never use it (well that is not true–I used it once this year). Glad you are back (hugs)

  60. 

    I love your list of throw-back items. I still do my drafts with a fountain pen!

  61. 

    I think we have a lot in common :)

  62. 
    petit4chocolatier November 18, 2012 at 2:15 pm

    Loving the weebles!!!

  63. 

    Weebles, I’ve nominated you for the Liebster award. You can check it out on my blog.

    http://storkhunting.com/2012/11/20/oooh-look-shiny/

  64. 

    On this American Thanksgiving day (I am not American, but using it anyway), I am saying thanks to Jen for linking me up with some great bloggers! Loolking forward to sharing the weebles…!
    Talking about old school things…I love my LP player and I think the jumping up to change the record every 6 songs is helping to work off the chocolate that I shouldn’t have had?

    • 

      Hi Gertie, I’m so glad you found me! You still have an LP player?? Now THAT’S old school! Maybe I should get myself an old one too so I can work off the chocolate as well….

      • 

        Oh yes, I do have an LP player, and it is not even an old one! I bought it about 2 years ago, and I love it. Playing all these old records on it, and trawling the flea markets for old records. Pretty cool, me thinks! I vote for the LP player to make a comeback :-). Have a great weekend.

  65. 

    Hey Weebs, Just a short note of thanks because your idea sparked the current post. http://afrankangle.wordpress.com/2012/12/10/on-one-instrument/ … Thank you! :D

  66. 

    Hei Madame Weebles, I just nominated you for the Ver Inspiring Blogger Award. I just love your posts. Merry Christmas, Xx Scarlett

  67. 

    So many awards, so little time!! I have nominated you for the Very Inspiring Blogger Award. You truly do make me want to continue on my writing quest.

  68. 

    I, too, am a crusty forty something and prefer animals to people. I look forward to reading your blogs. :D

    • 

      I keep falling behind in answering comments, I’m so sorry, MG—thank you so much, and high-five for preferring animals to people. I will spend some time on your blog, my new crusty forty-something friend.

  69. 

    Curmudgeons Unite!

  70. 

    You have been nominated for The Versatile Blog Award! Congrats!

    http://smartasseryinc.wordpress.com/

  71. 

    I will dish away just watch me, I just hope that there
    is a nice dessert to keep my taste buds in check :) lol

  72. 

    Bonjour Madame

    You sound like an interesting broad. Followed you here from Valerie’s place, you followed me in the comments section, and you seemed to know alot about Abraham and be very sympathetic to his spouse. Looks like this could be an interesting place to hang out.

    Corinne

    • 

      Bonjour Corinne! Thank you so much for visiting! You sound like an interesting broad yourself, I took a peek at your blog and liked what I saw. Poor Abe had a tough gig as president, and his wife was a mess but still, no reason for her son to put her away. Not nice. Please come back and visit anytime you want!

  73. 

    I have just opened the gates for you Madame :) :)

  74. 

    I am just calling in for a bit of that sessert you promised, hey and if you call over to my place bring some armour, a sword and a wicked shield just in case :) Have a fun Friday Madame Weebles ;) xxx

  75. 

    Long time, no hear. Hope all is well in your neck of the sphere.)
    (Do spheres have necks?)
    (Leave it alone, Guap…)
    *moves along…*

  76. 

    Madame Weebles where are you? :)
    I keep sending you invites but so far you
    have not responded, sooooooooooooo
    grab the next Dragon and call in :) xxx

    Or Else? ;) lmao

  77. 

    I was awarded on a cold and rainy day with this fabulous Sunshine Award. I hope it brings you some warm fuzzies too.

    http://furrynuff.wordpress.com/2013/04/22/sunshine-you-are-my-sunshine-sung-tunelessly-in-the-dark/

    My linking skills are less than able so I am sorry if you have to cut and paste.

  78. 

    Hi.
    My name is Kevin Gillespie, I do, MUCH prefer however, to be called Kev. :). I live in Wales. :).

    I am now ‘Following’ your Blog. :)

  79. 

    HI Claudia Bette (how do you prefer to be called?)!! I’m behind in replying to comments, so sorry. Say hi to your son Lincoln for me! I love how you said you didn’t name him Abraham because it would be like naming him after someone from the Bible. You’re my kind of gal.

    • 
      claudiabette May 9, 2013 at 5:53 pm

      Hi! Claudia is fine :)
      If I named him Abraham, people would think of Abraham from the bible which isn’t a bad thing for me, but that is not what I was trying to get across. I wanted him to be Lincoln because then people would think of Lincoln our 16th president.
      And he gets a kick out of how people react to his name. And of course, how many times he hears it randomly. Like when Lincoln (the Speilberg movie) came out…he watched the Academy Awards just to see Lincoln win. Ha!

  80. 

    Dead hot guys, fountain pens, real books, history and junk food. Hhat the fuck is not to like around this place? Glad to meet you, and your world.

  81. 

    Hi Madame.

    MANY Thanks for that, MUCH Appreciated. :).

    Apologies for my delay in replying though. :(.

    Best Wishes
    Kev. :)

  82. 

    And I’ve only ruddy added you to my blogroll. Why? you ask. Because you are smashing. Just super smashing great. That is why.

  83. 

    Didn’t receive your email??

  84. 

    I just grabbed a fifth from the freezer and plopped on a couch. Hope that’s cool.

    Damn, I dig this place.

  85. 

    I knew I was in the right place when I read: “If you’re looking for sweet, … babies and stuff, you’ve come to the wrong fucking blog.” I’m a fan. :)

  86. 

    Heya! I’m trying to send you an invite to my now private blog but it’s saying no user on WP has your user name? Help?

  87. 

    I found you through Rarasaur and Clown on Fire’s contest, where Blitzen keeps nosing in on everything. I really can’t stand a reindeer who repeatedly has to verify his importance! I love your blog.

  88. 

    Merry Christmas my dear and sweet friend :) ;)

    Andro xxxx

  89. 

    I feel like I’ve been living in a box only discovering you now *face palm*

  90. 

    Weebs, I’ve just seen on my blog stats that you were my third most frequent commenter on my blog in 2013. You are officially amazeballs and I’m going to start building our treehouse pretty darn soon.
    Thanks so much for your support this year, and Happy New Year from me and Stickman xx

  91. 

    Happy birthday! Couldn’t happen to a nicer gal.
    (Is this the part where we sing “skip around the room”, or can we just head straight for the cake?)

    And many happy returns!

  92. 

    Good Lord, I may have found the twin I’ve been separated from for the last 36 years! Great writing!

  93. 

    Happy Birthday! I raise a mug of hot cocoa to you! Cheers!

  94. 

    Very funny blog! I have enjoyed reading your posts. Keep up the good work!

  95. 

    Are you going to write something?

  96. 

    Weebles. Art from PMAO would be really happy if you did him the honour of slipping over for a moment and commenting on his comments record post.

  97. 

    Come back, Little Weeble (Sheba)… Miss your posts girlfriend, hope you’re doing well. xoxo

  98. 

    Are you ever coming back?

  99. 

    Oh where oh where can my weebles be?

Trackbacks and Pingbacks:

  1. Idiots should pay more taxes | Fear No Weebles - April 5, 2012

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  2. Madame’s Manifesto, Part 1 | Fear No Weebles - April 11, 2012

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