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Well shit, people

Madame Weebles —  January 10, 2013 — 213 Comments

I’m sitting here crying like a little bitch.  And it’s all Le Clown’s fault.  Look at this post.

That’s right, 45 years ago today, Madame Weebles was unleashed on the world.  I know, you thought I was a lot older.  I get that a lot.

So here I am, reading this EPIC birthday post that Le Clown wrote—he also managed to assemble an All-Star roster of bloggers to participate.   Birthday greetings would have been fantastic enough, but there are videos, fancy poems, photos, artwork…holy fuck, it’s incredible.  I can’t even imagine how much time and effort it took for Eric—or for any of you—to do this, but I am stunned and moved and flabbergasted and tickled pink and purple by all of it.  Good thing I hadn’t put on any makeup yet because otherwise I’d look like this:

Seriously, this is amazing.  You’re amazing.  I feel amazed.

Big hugs, sloppy kisses with tongue, inappropriate groping, “inadvertent” pressing up against you, and a flash of the boobs, to the following people (apologies for not linking to you, otherwise I’d be here all day): Le Clown, Sara, Fish, Darla, Boomie, Brigitte, Speaker7 (and Hugo), Rutabaga, Brother Jon, Adam, Carrie, Robin, Meizac, Honie, Timmer, Calahan, Emily, JM, Curmudgeon, Limmster, Bumble, Bill McMorrow, Ericka, Elyse, Vanessa, Margarita, Michelle, John Erickson, Guap, Leo, Joe Hoover, Misslisted, GingerSnaap, Tania, Jen Tonic, Becca, Marie, Cathy, La La, Vyvacious, Val, Red and Mrs. Red, Wendy, LouAnn, Rich, Tracy, Frank, and Nicole.

Many sleazy warm fuzzies to everyone who left birthday comments on the post as well!

Yeah, I laughed, I cried, I laughed, I went “AWWWWWW!!!!!”, I cried, I laughed, I cried.  I went through a box of tissues.  And they weren’t Puffs with Lotion, so now my nose is all red like Le Clown’s.

I don’t even know what to do with myself.  I’m beyond verklempt.  I’m zerklempt.  Thank you all, so so so so so much.  Even if I get viciously murdered later today, you’ve still made this the best day I could ever hope for.  Really, I’m not kidding.  A million thank yous.

And on a final, bittersweet note, please send your very best juju to my mom, the woman who did most of the hard work 45 years ago.  Mom is starting chemo today, and we all know how much fun that is.

I love you all madly.  Come on over to my place tonight for cake and a group bath!!

First, that which vexes me today:

Over the past several years I’ve noticed a disturbing trend among newscasters and other media folk regarding the pronunciation of certain words.

It started with the words “harass” and “harassment.”  My understanding was that they were pronounced “har-ASS” and “har-ASS-ment.”  Then reporters started saying them differently all of a sudden: “HAR-ris” and “HAR-ris-ment.”

A similar thing happened with the word “details.”  I’ve always pronounced it “DEE-tails,” as does everyone else I know.  Except that on television, they now say “deh-TAILS.”

Two of the latest words to get a verbal makeover are “coyote” and “Neanderthal. ” Instead of “ky-OH-tee,” it’s “KY-oat.”  And “Nee-AN-der-THAL” has morphed into “Nee-AN-der-TALL.”  Yeah, yeah, I know, in other languages you don’t pronounce the “h” when it immediately follows a “t.”  I don’t care.  I’m not speaking other languages.

Also, obviously these people haven’t been watching enough Looney Tunes; Wile E. Coyote himself always said “Ky-OH-tay”—which I assume is a regional thing, but it’s still in the spirit of the original pronunciation.

I mean, what the fuck?  Who decided on this change, and why?  These newfangled pronunciations sound pretentious and stupid. As if I needed another reason to loathe people.

I don’t like it. I will continue to say these words as I always have. And if I have to, I will launch a grassroots campaign to stop the madness and to make sure no other words are so cruelly mangled.

And now, some announcements.

First, tune in tomorrow for the Great Unveiling—when I reveal to the world which of the ten photos seen in the Where’s Weebs? contest is, in fact, Weebs.

Secondly (and much more excitingly), I am titillated and overjoyed to announce my upcoming collaboration with two spectacular women…

Throughout history, there have been many legendary trios:

Rush
FDR, Churchill, and Stalin
The Three Musketeers
The Three Magi
Larry, Curly, and Moe

Soon, another three will join their ranks:

Madame Weebles, Speaker7, and Jen Tonic

That’s right, you read correctly.  Start taking your vitamins now so you can handle the awesome.
Continue Reading…

Not really.  Well, maybe.

I’m doing a post soon to thank and acknowledge everyone who has bestowed awards upon me.  When other bloggers accept awards, I enjoy reading their “10 things about me” or “answers to 7 questions” usually associated with the awards.  I like knowing about people’s quirks, random likes and dislikes, answers to wacky questions, etc.  So I decided to write a bunch of stuff about myself in lieu of doing the awards ones.

So here it is, a bunch of random shit about me:

  • Whole portobello mushrooms scare me.  I’ll eat them, but not if they’re whole.  When they’re whole they look like little aliens and they creep me out.
  • I’m an only child.  People ask me, “What’s it like to be an only child?”  I never know how to answer because I have no other frame of reference.  All I can say is, it was good.  And no, I wasn’t a spoiled brat—my parents made sure of that.
  • For some reason I have a fascination with Victorian undergarments.  All those corsets and stays and petticoats and stuff.  Despite the fact that they were probably extremely uncomfortable.
  • I love pistachio ice cream, but I dislike pistachio nuts.
  • I detest honey (sorry, bees, I still love you).  Just the smell of it makes me queasy and hurts my teeth.
  • When I was a kid I played the piano.  I haven’t played in years, so it would take me ages to get my chops back.  But I’d love to learn how to play the harpsichord and the pipe organ.   I’d have to buy a really ornate candelabra for that, though.
  • Despite playing piano for many years, I utterly suck at reading music.  I literally still have to count the bars on the music to see which note it is:  “Okay, that’s one, two bars up, above the bar, so that’s an A.”  It’s brutal.  For me it’s much easier to play by ear.
  • Third and final music-related fact: I’ve composed a jazz tune, although I haven’t actually written it down or arranged it yet.  It mysteriously started composing itself in my head when I was about 8 or 9.  I have no idea why.  It’s nothing I’ve ever heard, and to my knowledge it isn’t a song that already exists.  It’s a ragtime-style piece, and over time it wrote itself, adding more passages every so often.  The song is finished now, and I can hear the whole thing in my head with all the instruments.
  • My elbows are double-jointed.  Mr. Weebles finds it alarming.  (And sadly, I am double-jointed in no other areas.)
  • My favorite curse word is “motherfucker.”
  • I cry whenever I watch movies or TV shows where animals are hurt.  Even if they’re computer-generated animals.  I sobbed my guts out at Godzilla, and I refuse to watch King Kong or Mighty Joe Young.
  • Even though I’ve seen every episode eleventeen million times, I still laugh out loud at I Love Lucy, Seinfeld, and The Golden Girls.
  • I really love practical jokes, as long as they’re not mean.  That’s the one thing I really miss about office life—playing pranks on my coworkers.

So there you have it—random info about Weebs.  It feels a little self-absorbed to do this but you know what?  It was fun.

But enough about me.  Let’s talk about you.  What do YOU want to know about me?

I don’t like to brag…

Madame Weebles —  November 15, 2012 — 55 Comments

…but I’m going to do it anyway.

And this also gives me an opportunity to promote two great bloggers whom I read regularly.

First, there’s Mike (aka heylookawriterfellow), a children’s author who recently came out with a great book called Sarah Gives Thanks: How Thanksgiving Became a National HolidayI’m fortunate enough to have an autographed copy of this gem.   If you have school-age kids who like history (or even if they don’t), get them this book.

Mike has a worthy goal: the boycotting of children’s books by celebrity “authors”—actors, athletes, musicians, etc., who fancy themselves as “authors” and put out books just because they can.  These folks get a decidedly unfair advantage—their fame guarantees them a publisher, PR, and books sales.  It isn’t fair to authors who have poured their heart and soul into their work.  Read his cogent and convincing argument here.

Mike recently held a contest to create an new acronym for his cause, because he didn’t like the sound of BCCBA (Boycott Celebrity Children’s Book Association).   And lo and behold, my entry—HACKS (Humans Against Celebrity Kid Stories)—was the winner!  But let me tell you, I was up against some tough competition—click here to read the other excellent entries.

So that’s Brag #1.  Now for Brag #2.

Another author, legionwriter, just completed a fiction series called “Unlike Our Waking Lives.”  It’s a surreal, creepy tale that I highly recommend.  Click here to read the first part and proceed from there.  By Part 3, I speculated on where I thought the story was going next.  But it was so eerie and cryptic, it could have gone anywhere, really.

Turns out, though, that my guess was right!  Yay me!   And Yay to Legion for a great read.  If you haven’t already, please visit his blog.  He’s a beautiful, evocative writer.

This concludes today’s brag.  Thank you for humoring me.  Now go visit their blogs.

The idea for this challenge came from the ingenious mind of Honie Briggs.  Thank you, Honie!

Below are photos of ten women.  Nine of them are my beautiful friends.  One of them is me, the camera-averse Madame Weebles.  Your challenge:  Figure out Where’s Weebs?

You’ll notice these are all black & white photos and I’ve cropped out details like hair, etc.  I’ve also stripped each photo of EXIF and all other metadata, in case you were thinking about trying to get some clues that way.  But to give you a sporting chance, here are some hints to help you out:  I’m white, and I sometimes wear glasses.  Sometimes.  So I may or may not be wearing them in my photo.

Each donation you make to the Bloggers to Movember team will buy you a chance to guess which one is me.  Put your cursor over each photo for the hovertext number to use in your guessYou can enter up to three guesses, but you’ll need to make a donation for each guess.  It’s only fair!

If you’re in the United States, click here to donate.  If you’re in Canada, click here to donate.  When you fill out your donation form, please leave a note with your blogger name and include “Where’s Weebs” so I know who you are.

Le Clown set the bar pretty high; he’s already more than halfway to his goal of $1000 in donations.  I, too, would like to get $1000 in donations for our team, but I’m pretty easy (just ask Mr. Weebles).  Any amount I can raise for this worthy cause will be wonderful.

Of all the correct guesses, I’ll choose one winner at random.  If you win, not only will you get eternal bragging rights, but you will also get A WEEBLE OF YOUR VERY OWN, from my vast collection.

Please enter your guesses below.  You have until November 30th.  Let the games begin!

My Movember dilemma

Madame Weebles —  November 9, 2012 — 75 Comments

As you know, I was not able to participate in the Official Kickoff of Bloggers for Movember.  So I have a wee bit of catching up to do.

I’m trying to come up with a special Weebles way to encourage as many people as possible to donate to our Movember team.

Other bloggers have come up with clever and unique contests where each donation counts as an entry, with prizes like one-of-a-kind artwork, special blog writeups, customized banners, etc.  I don’t have any artistic skills, so that’s out for me.  I could offer a blog writeup or a guest post, but I don’t want to be a copycat.

I’ve had only one idea:  if I get X amount in donations (with the value of X to be determined), I will post an actual photo of myself, wearing a mustache.  You may recall that I am notoriously camera shy.  And some of you have expressed curiosity about the woman behind the Weebles, so I would be willing to show my face for a good cause.  However, I’m not nearly arrogant enough to assume that this would be sufficient inducement for people to part with their cold hard cash.

So I’m going to do the only sensible thing here.  I’m going to punt it back to you.  What do YOU think would be a good incentive?  A contest?  Quiz?  Other?  I’ll choose whatever is the best or most popular idea in the comments area.  Within reason, of course, so do try to behave yourselves…