Archives For Muppets

As many of you know, I have something of a hotline to the spirit world.  I know things.  And I sense many important and exciting events in store for the coming year, so I want to share my predictions with you.

Crystal ball

Jack Kerouac will return to earth in the body of a rabid dog and rip out the throat of the numbnuts who decided to crank out a tepid, unnecessary film adaptation of On the Road.  The casting director who signed Kristen Stewart for a role will be found with a copy of the novel rammed up his cold, dead colon.

Prince William and Kate Middleton will welcome a son who will bear an unfortunate and uncanny resemblance to his grandfather, Prince Charles—complete with giant ears and constipated countenance.  The front page of the Daily Mail will announce the birth with a photo of the baby and the headline, “A Royal Shame.”  The Times header will read, “Newborn Prince Healthy but Lost Genetic Lottery.”  And The Sun will simply declare, “BLOODY HELL!!”

In other celebrity baby news, the spawn of Kim Kardashian and Kanye West will have cloven hooves and will perform its own C-section.

The governments of the United States and Canada will jointly decide to banish Justin Bieber to an ice floe in the Arctic Circle.  He will never be heard from again.  The IQ of millions of tween girls will skyrocket shortly afterwards.

In sports, the New York Yankees will go 162-0, sweeping the playoffs and winning the World Series in 4 games. Alex Rodriguez will be out for the season, tormented by the ghost of Lou Gehrig yelling, “Suck it up, bitch!”  The NFL will be rocked to its core next winter when a meteor lands in the middle of Cowboys Stadium, destroying both the Dallas Cowboys and the visiting Philadelphia Eagles.  Americans will once again fail to give a rat’s ass about the upcoming Major League Soccer season.

Buoyed by the continued federal funding of PBS, the Children’s Television Workshop will introduce a new Sesame Street character, Bruce—Snuffalupagus’s boyfriend.

Sometime next month—or maybe later today—a woman in front of me will walk way too slowly, causing my blood pressure to rise until I finally go batshit crazy and push her in front of a bus.

President Obama will appoint Betty White as United States Ambassador to the World, which will usher in a new era of peace on earth.

There’s more, but my spirit guides just went for a cigarette break.  If you have any questions about the year ahead, please feel free to ask.  I will provide answers when my guides return.

I need to take a break from the blog for a while.  Not permanently, but probably for a few weeks/months.  I know this seems like it came out of nowhere, and it kind of did.

Yesterday I learned that the mother of a very good friend of mine has stage IV lung cancer.  It brought back terrible memories of this same time last year, when Mr. Weebles was going through his cancer treatment.  It was awful on every level you can imagine.  And the worst thing was, we went through it alone.  Our families don’t live nearby, and although friends were supportive and caring, it was just the two of us.  And when Mr. Weebles was really sick from the chemo, it was just me.  I’m not saying this to elicit pity; it’s just the way it was.

That’s what I was thinking about today—about when I was taking care of Mr. Weebles. He needed me and everything else went on the back burner, including my own needs.  That’s what you do when a loved one needs you.  And I would do it again without even thinking about it.

He’s perfectly fine now, thank goodness, and life is very different one year later.  Except for one thing: I’m still putting myself on the back burner.  I’ve been focusing on everyone and everything in my life except myself.

After I was laid off, I thought, great, now I’ll have the chance to do all the things I didn’t have time or energy for before.  That job sucked the soul out of me and I was running on fumes.  I hated it and I hated what it had done to me.  The afternoon I packed my stuff and left the office for the last time, I vowed that I would take care of myself from then on.

Except it hasn’t happened.  I’m still doing everything except that.  When I hear about people who are having a rough time, I often think, “Hey, maybe I can send some reiki to them” or something similar.  I don’t generally hesitate to help people.  Except myself.  Me, I don’t help.  I don’t know why, I just don’t.

I started this blog because I wanted to get back into the practice of writing again—in preparation for writing about this guy.  I’m writing again, but I haven’t touched the draft of my historical piece even once since I started this blog.  Don’t get me wrong, I love doing Fear No Weebles, and I love reading your blogs.  I’ve met so many truly wonderful people.  But the blogging, along with so many other things, is taking my focus away from what I really need to do for myself both professionally and personally.

A lot of things have been stirred up for me today, for whatever reason.  And so I’ve decided to take some time to do what I should have been doing all along:  looking after myself.

I’ll miss all of you, and I’ll pop in on your blogs from time to time to comment and say hi, but it will be a while before I’m on the blogs regularly again.  I need to get my mojo back first.

In the meantime, I leave you with this parting video:

You guys are awesome

Madame Weebles —  August 16, 2012 — 143 Comments

I can’t brain today.  I have The Dumb.  The well has run dry for now.  So I’m going to refrain from writing any further posts until next week.  Hopefully that will give my brain enough time to stop oozing.  I’ll still be reading everyone else’s blogs, just not my own.

In the meantime, I have two things to say:

  1. You guys are fucking awesome.  AWESOME.  Seriously.  The last several posts have had well over 100 comments, and some are even over 200 comments.   This is a better party than I ever could have hoped for, and it’s all thanks to you.  I may have to start serving cocktails and hors d’oeuvres (and special thanks to Grippy for the hostess suggestion).
  2. Did I mention that you guys are awesome?  You’re all smokin’ hot, too.   You’re getting laid tonight for sure.

For your enjoyment, I offer you two Muppets classics.

Man, that was a wild scene with that boob post, wasn’t it??  Maybe I should blog more often about special lady parts and special gentleman parts—you folks seem to enjoy that sort of thing.

The twins and I are still worn out from all the festivities, so today I’m sharing another video of our favorite Martians.  My favorite is still this one, but this is a close second.  I hope you enjoy.  Have a good weekend, everyone!

I got nothing today.  Something in my brain probably short-circuited from Sailor Malan’s hotness.

Anyway, the other day I spent some quality time on YouTube to watch some of my favorite Sesame Street clips.

This is one of my favorites—I love these little guys, they always make me laugh out loud.  I hope they make your day a little more fun.