Yeah, she paid us a visit. Dumb bitch caused a storm surge that flooded everything. Mr. Weebles and I had no electricity for a week and for several days we were trapped in the house. Check it out: This was the scene outside my window the morning after the storm. The Hudson River breached the seawall and ran apeshit. We usually live about a half mile from the water. I considered taking advantage of the opportunity to sell our house as a “riverfront condo” but the water eventually receded and ruined my plan.
For all of you living in the areas affected by Hurricane Sandy, I hope you weathered the storm safely and with minimal damage. May you all have much warmth, dryness, and comfort.
We were very lucky. We had no property damage and lost power for a week—a loonnnnnnggggggg week, but still just a week. There are many who are still waiting for heat and power, and I am incredibly sad and concerned for them. Not to mention the people who experienced complete destruction of their property. Awful. Just fucking awful.
So my week sucked, but it could have been much worse. And despite having no heat, I was warmed by the good wishes of you guys. Margarita, Honie, Maggie, Nigel, Cathy, El Guapo, Mike, La La, Rollergiraffe, Sweet Mother, Michelle, Brian, Meizac, Fish, The Ringmistress, and of course, Le Clown—thank you so much for emailing. I was so moved by your kind thoughts and your offers of help and support. And to all of you who posted to me on Facebook or sent along your good wishes via other bloggers—I can’t tell you how much the outpouring means to me. It never really occurs to me that my absence might be noted, as pathetic as that may sound. You are fantastic, caring human beings, and I thank you from the bottom of my heart. As always, your kindness humbles me.
And you know, going through an experience like this teaches you a few things. I want to take a few minutes to share some of the lessons I learned.
It is not a good idea to use your butane lighter to heat up your microwave popcorn. Unless you really, really, really love those burnt kernels. And setting your hair on fire. And turning your house into an inferno.
Do not use your butane lighter to warm up your sex toys or your lube. I cannot emphasize this enough.
It is considered rude to use a hospital ER waiting room’s outlet to recharge your laptop. Okay, so they were on generator power. But it’s not like I was pulling the plug on someone’s respirator or life support, for crying out loud.
Men really do need to have at least some light when they’re using the toilet. If you choose not to heed this advice, do not go into your bathroom barefoot. Consider yourself warned.
Pioneers weren’t better than we are, they were just bored as fuck. That’s why they invented so much stuff. Forget everything you’ve heard about our forefathers having enterprising spirits. These people weren’t driven by grand visions or a desire to create things to help humanity. They were driven by mind-numbing, soul-crushing boredom.
Oh, little electrons, I will never take you for granted again. Never ever ever ever ever ever ever ever.
NOTE: Let’s all send our love and good thoughts to Brigitte. She also experienced power outage, and it’s quite possible that she hasn’t had her power restored yet. In this cold, snowy weather, I wish I could do more than send virtual hugs.