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Well shit, people

Madame Weebles —  January 10, 2013 — 213 Comments

I’m sitting here crying like a little bitch.  And it’s all Le Clown’s fault.  Look at this post.

That’s right, 45 years ago today, Madame Weebles was unleashed on the world.  I know, you thought I was a lot older.  I get that a lot.

So here I am, reading this EPIC birthday post that Le Clown wrote—he also managed to assemble an All-Star roster of bloggers to participate.   Birthday greetings would have been fantastic enough, but there are videos, fancy poems, photos, artwork…holy fuck, it’s incredible.  I can’t even imagine how much time and effort it took for Eric—or for any of you—to do this, but I am stunned and moved and flabbergasted and tickled pink and purple by all of it.  Good thing I hadn’t put on any makeup yet because otherwise I’d look like this:

Seriously, this is amazing.  You’re amazing.  I feel amazed.

Big hugs, sloppy kisses with tongue, inappropriate groping, “inadvertent” pressing up against you, and a flash of the boobs, to the following people (apologies for not linking to you, otherwise I’d be here all day): Le Clown, Sara, Fish, Darla, Boomie, Brigitte, Speaker7 (and Hugo), Rutabaga, Brother Jon, Adam, Carrie, Robin, Meizac, Honie, Timmer, Calahan, Emily, JM, Curmudgeon, Limmster, Bumble, Bill McMorrow, Ericka, Elyse, Vanessa, Margarita, Michelle, John Erickson, Guap, Leo, Joe Hoover, Misslisted, GingerSnaap, Tania, Jen Tonic, Becca, Marie, Cathy, La La, Vyvacious, Val, Red and Mrs. Red, Wendy, LouAnn, Rich, Tracy, Frank, and Nicole.

Many sleazy warm fuzzies to everyone who left birthday comments on the post as well!

Yeah, I laughed, I cried, I laughed, I went “AWWWWWW!!!!!”, I cried, I laughed, I cried.  I went through a box of tissues.  And they weren’t Puffs with Lotion, so now my nose is all red like Le Clown’s.

I don’t even know what to do with myself.  I’m beyond verklempt.  I’m zerklempt.  Thank you all, so so so so so much.  Even if I get viciously murdered later today, you’ve still made this the best day I could ever hope for.  Really, I’m not kidding.  A million thank yous.

And on a final, bittersweet note, please send your very best juju to my mom, the woman who did most of the hard work 45 years ago.  Mom is starting chemo today, and we all know how much fun that is.

I love you all madly.  Come on over to my place tonight for cake and a group bath!!

Yeah, she paid us a visit. Dumb bitch caused a storm surge that flooded everything. Mr. Weebles and I had no electricity for a week and for several days we were trapped in the house.  Check it out: This was the scene outside my window the morning after the storm.  The Hudson River breached the seawall and ran apeshit.  We usually live about a half mile from the water.  I considered taking advantage of the opportunity to sell our house as a “riverfront condo” but the water eventually receded and ruined my plan.

For all of you living in the areas affected by Hurricane Sandy, I hope you weathered the storm safely and with minimal damage. May you all have much warmth, dryness, and comfort.

We were very lucky.  We had no property damage and lost power for a week—a loonnnnnnggggggg week, but still just a week.  There are many who are still waiting for heat and power, and I am incredibly sad and concerned for them.  Not to mention the people who experienced complete destruction of their property.  Awful.  Just fucking awful.

So my week sucked, but it could have been much worse.  And despite having no heat, I was warmed by the good wishes of you guys.  Margarita, Honie, Maggie, Nigel, Cathy, El Guapo, Mike, La La, Rollergiraffe, Sweet Mother, Michelle, Brian, Meizac, Fish, The Ringmistress, and of course, Le Clown—thank you so much for emailing. I was so moved by your kind thoughts and your offers of help and support.  And to all of you who posted to me on Facebook or sent along your good wishes via other bloggers—I can’t tell you how much the outpouring means to me.  It never really occurs to me that my absence might be noted, as pathetic as that may sound.  You are fantastic, caring human beings, and I thank you from the bottom of my heart.  As always, your kindness humbles me.

And you know, going through an experience like this teaches you a few things.  I want to take a few minutes to share some of the lessons I learned.

It is not a good idea to use your butane lighter to heat up your microwave popcorn.  Unless you really, really, really love those burnt kernels.  And setting your hair on fire.  And turning your house into an inferno.

Do not use your butane lighter to warm up your sex toys or your lube.  I cannot emphasize this enough.

It is considered rude to use a hospital ER waiting room’s outlet to recharge your laptop.  Okay, so they were on generator power.  But it’s not like I was pulling the plug on someone’s respirator or life support, for crying out loud.

Men really do need to have at least some light when they’re using the toilet.  If you choose not to heed this advice, do not go into your bathroom barefoot.  Consider yourself warned.

Pioneers weren’t better than we are, they were just bored as fuck.  That’s why they invented so much stuff.  Forget everything you’ve heard about our forefathers having enterprising spirits. These people weren’t driven by grand visions or a desire to create things to help humanity.  They were driven by mind-numbing, soul-crushing boredom.

Oh, little electrons, I will never take you for granted again.  Never ever ever ever ever ever ever ever.

NOTE:  Let’s all send our love and good thoughts to Brigitte.  She also experienced power outage, and it’s quite possible that she hasn’t had her power restored yet.  In this cold, snowy weather, I wish I could do more than send virtual hugs.  

You guys are awesome

Madame Weebles —  August 16, 2012 — 143 Comments

I can’t brain today.  I have The Dumb.  The well has run dry for now.  So I’m going to refrain from writing any further posts until next week.  Hopefully that will give my brain enough time to stop oozing.  I’ll still be reading everyone else’s blogs, just not my own.

In the meantime, I have two things to say:

  1. You guys are fucking awesome.  AWESOME.  Seriously.  The last several posts have had well over 100 comments, and some are even over 200 comments.   This is a better party than I ever could have hoped for, and it’s all thanks to you.  I may have to start serving cocktails and hors d’oeuvres (and special thanks to Grippy for the hostess suggestion).
  2. Did I mention that you guys are awesome?  You’re all smokin’ hot, too.   You’re getting laid tonight for sure.

For your enjoyment, I offer you two Muppets classics.