Recently Mr. Weebles and I were watching some TV show where they were talking about Bootsy Collins, who had once been James Brown’s bass player. Mr. Weebles said, “Could there be anyone on earth funkier than James Brown’s bass player?” And I said, “No, I don’t think that’s possible.”
I mean, being a bass player automatically confers a certain amount of funkyness upon a person. But James Brown’s bass player? That’s crazy funky. And Collins was later in Parliament-Funkadelic, which had “funk” right there in the name, for crying out loud. How much more funky could someone be? To paraphrase Nigel Tufnel, the answer is none. None more funky.
That’s what gave me the idea for the Scale of Funky. If Bootsy Collins is at the top of the funky scale, then Justin Bieber is at the bottom—the opposite of funky. And every person and thing can be graded according to this scale.
I’ve created a rudimentary scale for now. It’s subjective, but only to a certain degree; there can be no debate over the non-funkyness of Bieber, Ryan Seacrest, Clay Aiken, or the minivan. Everything else is open for discussion.
Fear No Weebles 
Tee hee! As I was scanning down the line I thought now where’s Wayne Brady — hahahaha — and there he is!
LikeLike
Ha! Yes, he needed to be on the list, bless his non-funky heart.
LikeLike
The Embarrassing Stains were pretty funky, but unless you were drunk in a pub in Alvescot sometime in the late seventies you will have missed their epicness.
Bootsy Collins would be the funkiest name even if he didn’t play bass for James Brown.
I’m off to rate a few things now.
Cheers!
LikeLike
As you probably surmised, I did miss their epicness. But I will take your word for it. And I agree, Bootsy Collins is a funky name in itself, without any other qualifications.
LikeLike
I think I found someone who can give Bootsy Collins a run for his money.
LikeLike
Okay, for some reason it’s not working. Go to “Sweet Brown interview” on Youtube. You won’t be disappointed.
LikeLike
Actually it worked fine in your link above. And by golly if Sweet Brown isn’t powerful funky. I wonder if she plays an instrument. If so, then she definitely knocks Bootsy from the top listing.
LikeLike
Haha! Even with Bronchitis she’s mighty funky. Glad we’re in agreement.
LikeLike
Lana and Wayne need to be ranked lower.
Other than that, an excellent list, and I’m glad you didn;t include odors,because that’s a whole different scale of funky!
LikeLike
You’re right, I gave them both too much credit, didn’t I.
The odor type of funky scale would be pretty disgusting. Not to mention the fact that to do that sort of scale properly, you really need some sort of scratch & sniff monitor. So that won’t be happening.
LikeLike
Scary how dead on you were. Lol
LikeLike
We obviously share the same sense of funky!
LikeLike
Yep, as we hang out in Funky Town… 😀
LikeLike
Word UP.
LikeLike
Don Cornelis? Now THAT’S some ultra funky. Ditto on Prince. :).
LikeLike
Right? I probably should have put Prince further up on the scale next to Don Cornelius. Serious ultra funky.
LikeLike
This is perfect in every way and should be published in a world fact book. Love it!
LikeLike
You flatter me. I’m going to put you at the top of the Scale of Funky. Anyone who wishes they could have been one of Tom Jones’s backup singers should be there anyway.
LikeLike
I wish I could have been a fly on the wall when you and Mr. Weebles had this discussion!
LikeLike
Yup, it was funny—discussing the relative funkyness of various people is pretty entertaining!
LikeLike
Where you placed the Obamas was spot-on – and the fact that Mitt Romney is so lacking in any degree of funkyness, he doesn’t even rate below the bottom of the list works for me.
LikeLike
It’s true, Romney and all the other candidates, etc, aren’t even blips on the funky radar. I wish Barack were funkier, but Michelle works it pretty well.
LikeLike
All good Madame! Except that funky moms in minivans make minivans funkier. A funky chick from Queens can rock anything! I think Romney also gives Bieber a run for his money. Love the Weebles!
LikeLike
You get special dispensation for being a funky chick from Queens, for sure. Thus, your minivan also gets special dispensation. But are you sure Romney is even funky enough to be on par with Bieber? 😉
LikeLike
All true but nothing’s sexier than the accordion.
LikeLike
Stop it, you’re making me swoon.
LikeLike
LOOOL
LikeLike
With a name like Bootsy Collins you HAVE to be funky! Curtis Mayfield would definitely be up there in the funk meter. No denying Superfly!
LikeLike
You’re so right. He goes right up there with Bootsy.
LikeLike
Okay, now you’re just getting greedy.
LikeLike
Seal has to be at the top (well, his more uptempo numbers anyway) and Bert Weedon at the bottom.
LikeLike
Hi Val! Seal is pretty funky, yes. I’m not so familiar with Bert Weedon, was he really not funky? I know all kinds of guitarists credit him as their inspiration, but of course that doesn’t mean he was a master of funk.
LikeLike
Eek… hmmm.
LikeLike
Bert weedon=unfunky.
LikeLike
That’s Bert Weedon killing a song that should have died anyway! 😉
LikeLike
Hmm. I see what you mean.
LikeLike
This is a fantastic list! As a comic book nerd, I can agree that Captain America is not funky, but neither is Iron Man. I also think Wayne Brady is a little funkier than he’s given credit for.
LikeLike
You don’t think Iron Man is funky? I think he’s pretty funky. Or maybe it’s just Robert Downey Jr. playing him that makes him funky in my view. I never read the actual comics. Superheroes in general aren’t that funky, really. It’s too bad.
LikeLike