Yeah, I know, I know.

April 18, 2016 — 125 Comments

Hello again, friends. I know, I know…it’s been a while. Almost a year. I really had planned on posting regularly again. But you know how it is, sometimes your brain says, “Nah. I’m shutting this down.” So I spent many months immersed in grief and existential angst. And not even in a cool, glamorous way with the moping artfully, wearing the black turtleneck and carrying around the dog-eared copy of Sartre.

This is mostly my dad’s fault, by the way. As many of you know, Dad had the nerve to die 18 months ago. Way to cramp my style, bro. Grief barges in whenever it wants, and it camped out with me for a while. But I recently realized that he wouldn’t approve of this. He’d say, “Grieve for a little while if you have to, but don’t drag it out and take up so much valuable time.” He was infuriatingly sensible. He read my blog regularly so I think he’d be happy that I’m posting again. And this time I mean it–I’ve even written a few more posts already.

Before I continue, I wanted to thank everyone who contributed to the RawrLove for Rara Campaign, it was a huge success and a great help to Rara, whose inner strength in the face of impossibly awful adversity never ceases to amaze me.

Also, big hugs to everyone who emailed me to find out how I was doing. I’ve been criminally bad about replying to everyone but I will–for now I just wanted to say that I have deeply appreciated your care and kindness.

I don’t have anything particularly exciting to report since we last visited. Except that I now have two more tattoos. This one is in honor of my dad–it’s his initials in nautical flags:

20151103_194636

Then, for my first non-memorial ink, I got this one to show the intertwining of space and time, because I dig that shit:

2015-12-19 00.11.26

This baby involved six hours under the tattoo gun. SIX HOURS. Strangely, it didn’t hurt as much as my first tattoo, but you have my permission to shoot me if I ever consider sitting for that long again.

And by far the most important thing that happened since we last chatted is that I saw Rush at Madison Square Garden. It. Was. FUCKING. AWESOME. If you heard an unearthly squealing sometime on the night of June 29th, that was me. Sorry. I couldn’t help myself–you know I love me some Geddy. Here’s a photo of him with those two other guys:

IMG_20150629_211450

Don’t think I didn’t contemplate leaping onto the stage. Because I contemplated it very seriously. But I’d probably have been arrested and who knows if Mr. Weebles would have bailed me out.

So what’s up with you? Share with me. Anything you want. Tell me what you had for breakfast. Tell me your thoughts on the season finale of The Walking Dead. Tell me which presidential candidate you most want to plunge into a vat of boiling oil. Or whatever else you want to talk about.

I’ll be back next Monday, and in the meantime I’m going to visit with you guys at your blogs as well because I’ve missed you all.

By the way, you look SMOKIN’ hot today.

125 responses to Yeah, I know, I know.

  1. 

    hot jiminy blimey it’s Weebs! welcome back my little cotton candy cupcake. hope to see/hear more of you round these parts, it’s been waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay too long

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  2. 

    Welcome back!! I find it fitting that I was reading your post and Closer to the Heart was playing in my kitchen! ๐Ÿ™‚ Love the new tattoos.

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  3. 

    You made my day by just showing up Weebles (love the time/space tattoo by the way, that’s just epic geek)… and you know, I suspect your dad is still reading your blog posts, up there in some internet cafรฉ in the sky where they serve brownies all day long.

    So most important question… was Neil Peart wearing a baseball cap? And what was on the cap?

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    • 

      How the fuck are you, Trent? Yes, my dad loved a good brownie, so I think you’re right–he’s upstairs reading my blog with a brownie and a good martini.
      Glad you like the tattoo–to be honest, I wasn’t sure how I felt about the finished product at first, but when I lived with it for a day or two, I decided I loved it. Which is good, because removing a tattoo like this would be insanely unpleasant.
      And for your answer to the most important qusetion–he wasn’t wearing a baseball cap, he was wearing that skull cap he usually wears. I still have no idea how the fuck he plays those drums, especially at his age. The man is a beast. And I mean that in the very best sense of the word.

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      • 

        Weebles, I am so good. And I am glad to hear from you, as I’m sure all your friends have already said. Here’s to your dad snacking on a brownie!

        I love the tattoo but too cowardly myself to get one. I suck that way.

        Mr. Peart is a monster. He used to wear Montreal Expos baseball hats in concert, and I loved him for that, but really, Rush is just the best. One of the top 3 greatest Canadian bands ever created, but I can only think of one other one that it’s in that list anyway (Arcade Fire) so what do I know… jealous you got to see them.

        Take it easy Weebles. I hope you’re around more, I need more gun-toting feline gravatars in my life.

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        • 

          You mean you’re not including Loverboy among your top 3 Canadian bands??? You disgust me, Lewin. Meanwhile I’m still shaking my head over the fact that you didn’t know Robert Smith was from Crawley. I’m seeing The Cure this summer, actually–I’m curious as to whether it will be hilarious or depressing to be among 20,000 aging Goths. Probably a little of each.

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          • 

            Ugh, Loverboy… Ugh! Weebles – how on earth do you remember that discussion about Robert Smith? That floors me. I don’t remember what I did five minutes ago… but that’s awesome that you get to see the boys play, aging Goths or not. Robert Smith will never age.

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  4. 

    Whoo Hoo! Welcome back. Your little piece of insanity has been sadly missed around these parts.

    And sorry about your Dad. I know too well how losing folks you care about sucks the big one. But your Dad (and mine) were right. A little while is all you get and then your life needs to go on. Writing helps, though. A whole lot!

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  5. 

    You know what’s new with me since we last met? I work in New Jersey… Maybe we can get together and have a beer or sixteen. I’m usually here two weeks out of the month. (i’m here now yawn)

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    • 

      Hey stud muffin! Are you fucking kidding me?? Where exactly are you? I’m sorry you’re in NJ though, banishing them to NJ for 2 wseeks out of the month is not a nice thing to do to someone. You’re one of the people I owe an email to anyway, so we’ll talk.

      Liked by 1 person

  6. 

    Welcome back! Happy you are following your Dad’s excellent advice. Any way you slice or dice it, he will always be with you, so you may as well crack open your windows and let our love rush in. #BernieSandersforPresident

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    • 

      Thanks Brenda! You’re right about cracking open the windows, I can picture my dad saying, “It’s about time.” Amen about Bernie, although I fear for his chances of getting the Democratic nomination, let alone becoming president. Now that Canada is blissfully Harper-free, you may have new neighbors in Montreal soon if the GOP manages to win…

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  7. 

    When I saw you in my reader, I actually squealed a little. WEEBS IS BACK! And with stories of tattoos and Rush!

    As for your dad, I hear you. It really is like everything is distorted through some kind of bizarre filter. I was very close to my dad as well and losing him was like losing my mom at the same time. A friend of mine who lost her mom once told me grief is like ripples in a pond — eventually the waves will be spaced out more over time. At the time I thought, bullshit! But she was right, of course. The raw pain of loss will always be a part of you, but you’ll find more peace as the years go on. And your dad will always be there for you. I’m at the point now that when I think of my dad, I smile more than cry. Keep on blogging and we’ll all be here for you!

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    • 

      Your comment made my day, Darla. Dads leave quite a big hole, don’t they. Grief is weird, I find that now it comes in ripples, as you say. I do smile when I think of my dad even when there are tears too. He was a good egg, and I’ll always miss him, but there comes a point when you just have to get back to things, since things don’t stop just because you’re out of commission. Anyway, it’s very, very good to be back. Just seeing your Gravatar image made me happy. And how are things with you, chickie?

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  8. 

    OMFG! I am in love with that time/space tattoo! And what a neat memorial tat for your dad! Glad to see you back. ๐Ÿ™‚ I have long periods of silence sometimes, when I only write in my journals, but I keep coming back to my blog eventually, though some days I’m sure why. lol

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    • 

      Hiya SexyPants!! It’s excellent to see you. I hear you about the periods of silence, I should probably start a journal, it seems to be therapeutic for many people. As for the blogging, I hear you on that too. I’m determined to get back to it because I missed it terribly. I didn’t realize how much until today. I hope all is well with you, girl!

      Liked by 1 person

  9. 

    Wooo!

    I must admit that I was getting a little worried about you, Weebles. I’m delighted to hear that you are planing to return to the bloggyverse. You and your cat-loving ways have been sorely missed.

    I’m not he only one in the Allegra house who’s missed you, either. Whenever I run a contest on my blog, my son always asks if your name is among the ballots. (If it was up to him, I think he would want you to win *everything.* A couple of gifted weebles goes a very long way, apparently.)

    Take care, my friend. Don’t be a stranger anymore, OK?

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  10. 

    WEEEEEEBS! Cool tatts! So I’m perusing my email this morning and I go: Wait. What? You’re not just teasing us, are you?

    I’m doing great. We’re working on a kitchen remodel and it’s going well. I’m also ramping up my art shows this year. I’m making these amazing tooled leather bracelets to compliment he photography and of course doing the healing thing since it’s my real job.

    And also I understand. Grief can do that to you. I decided to get my Doctorate in P.T. to have something to do while I was grieving for my mother. Strange but true. Everybody does it differently.

    Hugs,

    Cathy

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    • 

      O Cathy, my Cathy–it’s so good to see you, I think of you often when I do healing sessions for people. I’m so glad you’re doing well and especially excited to hear about the artwork and jewelry! I would love to know more so I’ll be visiting you very soon. I hope you, Peter, Leo, and Cielo are all doing great.

      You’re right about I know what you mean about everyone grieving differently. There’s no right or wrong way to do it, as long as it doesn’t cripple you for too long. I’ve done a lot of things to “shake myself up” over the past year and it does help.

      Hugs to you too!

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  11. 

    Oh look, she has returned. Like MacArthur.

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  12. 

    My inbox is more complete with your stuff in it. You needed that time away or you wouldn’t have taken it. Welcome back (again) Madame Weebles. ๐Ÿ™‚ See ya next week.

    Liked by 1 person

    • 

      You are most kind, Jaded One. Thank you very much. Apparently I did need that time away. But now it’s good to be back. So I’ll see you next week, but I also want to see what’s new on your blog, lovely poetry and such.

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  13. 

    Ohmygoodness! Good to see you. I’ve been extra busy this past year. I was engaged in June, married in September, we moved back to Missouri/Arkansas in February, and my daughter was born (14 weeks premature) in March. Now we live at the Ronald McDonald House and are just waiting for her to get big enough to take home. She’s doing great! Can’t wait to catch up some more!

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    • 

      BroJo!!! Sweet fuck, I’ve missed a lot going on with you, haven’t I? I knew about your engagement and marriage, but I didn’t know about your move or the little one! I hope she’s doing well and growing by leaps and bounds. How is Mrs. BroJo doing? Looking forward to catching up with all the news from you!

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      • 

        She’s doing great. I’m actually home today with a little stomach bug. She’s down at the NICU right now holding Miss Elizabeth. Her original due date was June 21st, so that’s more than likely when we’ll be able to bring her home. All is good so far though!

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        • 

          June 21st? Wow, she really was eager to make an appearance, wasn’t she. Sorry about your stomach bug but I’m very glad the missus and Miss Elizabeth are doing well, may the little one be home soon!

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  14. 

    I’M SO GLAD YOU’RE BACK! Now, it’s my turn.

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  15. 

    Hmmm…vat of boiling oil…. hehehe. Ted Cruz comes to mind. That man is a snake in the grass I tell you guys…he may look dumb but that’s just a disguise… he’s mastermind in the ways of…
    anyway… I have been adding audio to some of my poetry posts. Some people prefer to hear poetry as opposed to reading it. I too, have not been posting regularly, but I seriously hope to start. I have a couple of posts in my head. It’s so good to see a post from you. I am so sorry about your dad. I know he is still following you from beyond. ๐Ÿ™‚

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    • 

      Since I last saw you, you have a new name, ma’am–but it’s good to see you under any name! Ted Cruz truly needs to be stopped. He’s creepy as fuck and I sense nothing but pure evil in his intentions. Honestly, the idea of a President Trump scares me less than the idea of a President Cruz, and that’s saying a lot. I like the idea of audio for your poetry, it takes on an added dimension when you hear the words, the inflection, the pauses. And I understand about the challenge of posting regularly, especially if you haven’t for a while. But you will when you’re ready, just like I needed to be ready. Yeah, I like to think my dad is still checking in with me from The Great Beyond too. ๐Ÿ™‚

      Liked by 1 person

  16. 

    Lovely to see a post from you! But I’m sorry again about your father. I’m sure it’s been a very difficult time for you. I didn’t personally email you, because I feel weird doing so–not sure how much reaching out an online contact wants from me and I don’t want to be intrusive (must be that introvert thing), but your absence has certainly been on my mind from time to time. So I’m very happy to see you resurface. Lovely skin art too!

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  17. 

    Good you found a way to deal with the grief for now. Expect it to come back some times (very likely around his birthday, Christmas or every other chance you met your old man, ow when you experience some things you really would love to have told him), but if you came out of that black hole once you will know how to get out of it later, too!
    My own parents died with a lot less grief from my side. But that’s maybe because I grew up with my grandparents – and I said goodbye to so many well loved great uncles and aunts that I have developed a routine to detach me. Or maybe I am just a cold hearted bitch.

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    • 

      Man, you’re not kidding about the grief coming up more so at specific times, and times when I least expect it. Probably the biggest crying jag came after watching an episode of Doctor Who–I sobbed uncontrollably for about 10 minutes because it triggered so much feeling about my dad. I can see how being exposed to so many deaths of loved ones would inure you to it over time–it’s just too painful to grieve deeply so many times. So I don’t think you’re a cold-hearted bitch at all. On the other hand, people have called me a cold-hearted bitch myself so maybe I can’t be objective here… At any rate, thank you so much for your insightful thoughts, Fran. I hope you’ve been well.

      Liked by 1 person

      • 

        Better than you, it seems. Life has ups and downs … but at least I have not lost somebody dear and near to me.

        Our parents have a major flaw – they are meant to go before us as they are so much older than ourselves … That makes saying farewell easier for me. But then again – slowly people my age start dying (I am not yet 50) – and THAT is slightly frightening. So is the fact that my nieces make me a grandaunt and I cannot do anything about it! I don’t want to have to feel to be of the grandparent-generation, just yet … I am 47.

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  18. 

    hi- just had knee surgery. grief is an awful thing but a necessary thing. hope you are on the other side now. glad you are back with a vengeance…

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  19. 

    Good lord you’ve been missed. I do hope it’s a return and not just a cameo!

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  20. 

    I really wish there were an “I really LOVE this post” button, but since there isn’t… I REALLY LOVE THIS BLOG POST!

    Welcome back. I understand what it’s like to have been away for some time, due to a myriad of things life throws at us.

    xo VW

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    • 

      Hey there V Dub, thanks so much for that awesome greeting. Yeah, that pesky life stuff gets in the way sometimes, doesn’t it. So how are you and how is your little cthulhu? Any new tats for you?

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      • 

        Tons! MY arms and left shoulder are covered in ink! I’ll have to post an update on my artfully inked skin. BTW, I adore your space/time work. It’s stunning!

        Love ya like a crazy!

        xo VW

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        • 

          Gurl, I need to see that artwork, so please do post an update, and in the meantime I’ll rummage around your site a bit. Great to see you!

          Liked by 1 person

          • 

            Thank you, MW. I’ve been away for some time, too. I’m caring for my Mum as she continues to deteriorate under dementia, but I’m glad I can care for her while she needs me most. It’s not easy, but love is all we have in times like these.

            I’ll get to an update on inkage. The pics will be the most fun. ๐Ÿ˜€

            xo VW

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            • 

              I’m so sorry about your mom, I’m glad you have the opportunity to care for her, but I know how difficult and stressful it must be. I felt very lucky to have some time to care for my dad, it sucks seeing a parent decline but as you wisely said, love is all we have at times like these. I hope you’re taking care of yourself too during this tough time.

              Liked by 1 person

  21. 

    Hello again Madame W… good to see you again!

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  22. 

    I have to say…you made my day seeing you staring at me from my reader. I knew you’d be back…at least I hoped you would…after a while I wasn’t sure. We all heal in our own way.

    I’m glad you listened to your dad’s heart and I LOVE the memorial tattoo which is saying a lot because I hate needles and would never get a tattoo! Looking forward to seeing you more often.

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    • 

      Mrs. P! Yes, I’m back, it took longer than I expected but here I am and I’m very glad. It’s so nice to see you here, how are you? Needles don’t bother me but yes, if you hate them, tattoos are probably not a wise option for you. You could always get a henna tattoo if you wanted something. They’re temporary but they’re beautiful and needle free!

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  23. 

    If you post once a year, you are posting more than I am. So, there you go. You’re better than me. “I’m better than Calahan” is your next tattoo. It’s up to you where on your body it would best be placed.

    Glad to see your name pop up. ๐Ÿ™‚

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  24. 

    I’d say you made great use of your time, Weebs. And how big is the vat of oil?

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    • 

      Not big enough, Rants. Not big enough. And I’m not sure a vat of boiling oil would be enough to destroy Cruz, to be honest. I’m not sure what would do the trick. We should brainstorm on this.

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  25. 

    So nice to see you posting again! I always enjoyed reading your stuff. Sorry about your Dad. I haven’t spent much time in blogland lately, but perhaps you’ll inspire to begin againโ€ฆโ€ฆ

    OMG, YOU SAW RUSH!!!! And in Madison Square Garden, no less!!!!! They are AMAZING in concert. One of the best concerts I’ve seen, though my all time favorite was Led Zeppelin in ’73.

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    • 

      Holla, Sandy! That concert was a religious experience, let me tell you. If one’s religious experiences include swooning, drooling, and wanting to leap onto the stage to attach oneself in an obscene way to the celebrant.

      Even aside from that, it was fucking amazing. And awe-inspiring when you think that these guys are in their early 60s. I don’t have that much energy *now* and I’m many years younger than they are. Having said that, Led Zep in their prime must have been an extraordinary show.

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  26. 

    I’m here, I’m here. Truly I am. Except when I’m not, of course. It’s possible that I was fired for absenteeism, but would not have known it ‘cuz it has been months since I’ve posted anything. So glad to see you again, Madame.

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    • 

      Honie! How’re you doing? It’s tough to get back to posting, isn’t it. Whatever the reason for your absenteeism (and I’m quite confident you haven’t been fired), I hope you’ve been well. Tell your hub and sisters-in-law I said hi!

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  27. 

    So, days after you posted, here I am replying. So sorry to hear about your dad. My husband took his Last Trip on 1 February so yeah, I can dig the whole grief and loss deal. Writing has been a good place for me, even though I’m not working on any of my stories (just blog posts as they occur to me). Let us lift one another … glad you’re back!

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    • 

      Oh AR, I am so so sorry. I can’t even imagine how you must be feeling, I hope you and your family are holding up all right (as well as possible, anyway). I’m glad writing has been helpful for you, everyone deals in their own way. Sending big hugs to you.

      Liked by 1 person

      • 

        Back to you. I am an only child and so was my Christopher. Our children (this was a second marriage for both of us) are only adult children. It’s lonely at times but peaceful as well. My monsters (two good sized dogs) are my family/pack. It is what it is and God knows best as He loves and cares for me! Hugs back to you as well!

        Liked by 1 person

  28. 

    I just squealed. For real. I’m late, because, well, I’ve just been dealing with stuff myself. I did message you, but didn’t hear back, and figured you’d moved on… or were dealing with stuff. But oh how I’ve missed you dear Weebs. I will be in NYC in a few wks, again, just in case you want to try Kelly Pings with me? Regardless, just glad to know you are out there!

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    • 

      Greetings, My Lady! I don’t remember getting a message from you, maybe I didn’t receive it for some reason? Although it wouldn’t have changed the fact that I’ve sucked royally at replying to people over the past…year or so. Anyway, I’m sorry to hear you’ve been dealing with stuff too. Let me know when you’re going to be in town, we’ll go to Kelley & Ping and discuss.

      Liked by 1 person

  29. 

    Weebs! Yay! I’m late, too, but work and a herniated disc have been keeping me from too much time at my computer. Then this Spring there’s trying to make something of a bare yard and indoors walls of the new house we bought last year. So you haven’t really missed anything on my blog. :/

    Processing grief is as individual as we all are, and there’s no timer on our heart’s clock saying, “Okay, grief’s done, move on.” Do what works for you โ€” and whatever it takes to maintain some sanity in this evil circus we call the American political system!

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    • 

      Hey JM, so good to see you! But oy, do I feel your back pain. I’ve had quite a few herniated discs over the years myself, I’ve found the pain ranges from pretty bad to generally intolerable. I hope you have the good meds. Congrats on the house, I trust you haven’t discovered any skeletons or other archeological relics in the basement? And amen on keeping sanity amid this evil political circus. I suspect there will be a lot of strokes and ruptured aneurysms as election time approaches…

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  30. 

    I wouldn’t waste good oil on any of the candidates. There could be a shortage of oil one day and why hasten that, right? I would happily stop giving them all attention in the hopes that it’s like the theory of magic from some of the Arthurian legends, if you stop believing and stop paying attention they will disappear forever. In fact, I’m not even sure what we are talking about anymore…
    Anyway, how the hell are you?!

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  31. 

    Can’t say i’m doing much better. Posting quarterly seems about all i’ve got left, and that’s just an accountability thing for my annual resolutions, which are BO-FUCKING-RING as shit… But it was good to see you’d posted when i blew the dust off of my reader…

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    • 

      Hey girlfriend, how the fuck are you? I haven’t been able to keep tabs on you since I deactivated my Facebook account–I just couldn’t anymore with the political posts, and enough with the pictures of food, pseudo-inspirational quotes, and other assorted bullshit. I’ll go back eventually, but probably not until after the election, the way things are going.

      Anyway, I hope all has been well with you and yours, and give a special hug to Mr. Pickles.

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  32. 

    Hey good too see you! I just saw your next blog post before this one and came back to check if you had posted a previous “comeback” one, and you had (did you follow that? No? Never mind). Well good to see you anyway ๐Ÿ™‚

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  33. 

    So good to see you back in the saddle, and that time/space tattoo is da bomb! Reminds me of a Salvador Dali painting lol. So sorry about your dad, when my dad died I was so angry for awhile; I was relieved when that passed and I could just smile and remember the little, stupid, fun things that I love and miss. Glad you’re in a better place and writing again.

    Like

  34. 

    Welcome back. I need to create my own re-emergence from the cocoon of non-writing. I’ll drop you an email with full details. Xx

    Like

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