For last year’s 4th of July, I wrote Abraham Lincoln’s Gettysburg Address as it might have been done by Dr. Seuss. This year, I’ve created a new poem à la Seuss—the Declaration of Independence, modeled on that great American classic, Green Eggs and Ham:
We don’t like you, no sirree
We do not like your tyranny
Colonists are people too
We want our rights, you bet we do
To life and liberty, gracious, yes!
Pursuit of basic happiness!
And so we have to break our bond
With all our friends across the pond
Could we, should we, tell you why?
Before we say our last goodbye?
You taxed our tea, you taxed our crumpets
You even taxed our ploofs and flumpets!
We do not want to quarter troops
We do not like your army groups
We’re subject to your silly laws
And thrown in jail with no real cause
Why have you ignored our plea?
We simply want to be more free!
Would you, could you, let us be?
We ask you nicely, you don’t care
It isn’t right, it isn’t fair!
So with this fancy declaration
We’re separate now, a whole new nation
We’re free now from your tyranny
See you later, King George Three!
‘Twas eighty and seven years past, so they say
That our founders created the US of A
With all of us equal! The Wuggles! The Fuzzins!
And even our naughty Confederate cousins!
Now there’s a war and it’s bad and it’s sad
But a time will soon come when we’ll all be quite glad
That our nation still stands and our country’s still here
And we’ll all drink a toast with a mug of Sneetch beer
These bravest of soldiers did not die for naught
We need a do-over to do what we ought
So let’s have no more of this Civil War folly
And remember our government’s purpose, by golly
Of people! By people! For people! Yes!
Right now this country’s one heckuva mess
I want for this country a sort of rebirth
So all these nice freedoms don’t perish from Earth.