First, that which vexes me today:
Over the past several years I’ve noticed a disturbing trend among newscasters and other media folk regarding the pronunciation of certain words.
It started with the words “harass” and “harassment.” My understanding was that they were pronounced “har-ASS” and “har-ASS-ment.” Then reporters started saying them differently all of a sudden: “HAR-ris” and “HAR-ris-ment.”
A similar thing happened with the word “details.” I’ve always pronounced it “DEE-tails,” as does everyone else I know. Except that on television, they now say “deh-TAILS.”
Two of the latest words to get a verbal makeover are “coyote” and “Neanderthal. ” Instead of “ky-OH-tee,” it’s “KY-oat.” And “Nee-AN-der-THAL” has morphed into “Nee-AN-der-TALL.” Yeah, yeah, I know, in other languages you don’t pronounce the “h” when it immediately follows a “t.” I don’t care. I’m not speaking other languages.
Also, obviously these people haven’t been watching enough Looney Tunes; Wile E. Coyote himself always said “Ky-OH-tay”—which I assume is a regional thing, but it’s still in the spirit of the original pronunciation.
I mean, what the fuck? Who decided on this change, and why? These newfangled pronunciations sound pretentious and stupid. As if I needed another reason to loathe people.
I don’t like it. I will continue to say these words as I always have. And if I have to, I will launch a grassroots campaign to stop the madness and to make sure no other words are so cruelly mangled.
And now, some announcements.
First, tune in tomorrow for the Great Unveiling—when I reveal to the world which of the ten photos seen in the Where’s Weebs? contest is, in fact, Weebs.
Secondly (and much more excitingly), I am titillated and overjoyed to announce my upcoming collaboration with two spectacular women…
Throughout history, there have been many legendary trios:
FDR, Churchill, and Stalin
The Three Musketeers
The Three Magi
Larry, Curly, and Moe
Soon, another three will join their ranks:
That’s right, you read correctly. Start taking your vitamins now so you can handle the awesome.